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-   -   Kinship Adoption- Bio Mom trying to contact (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/family-planning-adoption/895903-kinship-adoption-bio-mom-trying-contact.html)

Zepcreed 04-05-2012 01:23 PM

Kinship Adoption- Bio Mom trying to contact
 
My daughter is 15. She is kind, sweet, intelligent and a great kid.
She is biologically my niece. My sister gave birth to her. My sister is a heavy heavy drug addict. I have had on and off custody of the child her whole life.
Sadly, when she was 9, she came home from school to see her "mom" bring revived by ems after a drug overdose. The state placed her in custody. She was in a foster home for a whole until my husband and I fought for custody.

While we had custody, I tried to keep the relationship between my sister and her child going. I encouraged phone calls and even pleaded for more supervised visits. Unfortunatly, my sister could not pass one drug test and was refused visits until she could be sober prior to the visit. Then she stooped calling. The only time we saw her was for court hearings.
We finalized the adoption 4 years ago. My daughter is very happy. I have no contact with my sister at all.

I cannot control family members that wish to keep in touch with my sister.
Recently I found out that she was evicted, and arrested and now facing more jail time. She was staying with my brother , 1500 miles away from us.

Today I got a call from my other brother. He told me that our older brother was told by our sister that she recently contacted MY daughter online. During the conversation- my daughter was confused and thought that it was me (my sister called herself mom)
Then- this is strange- my sister claimed that I took the phone away and gave her hell! I knew nothing about this and just found out. This supposedly happened 4 days ago. So now- maybe it was a lie. Maybe she was stoned and imagined this. Or maybe it was my daughter and SHE gave her hell!
Now I have to confront my daughter about this touchy subject.
What rights do I have? Restraining order?
Help.

BubbleGuppy 04-05-2012 09:05 PM

Re: Kinship Adoption- Bio Mom trying to contact
 
Well, I don't know much about this, due to the fact that I'm a teenager.

But you said that your niece, now your daughter, is currently legally adopted and in your custody, right?

Speak to your daughter. She is old enough to know whether or not she would like to contact her bio, and if she does, she has every right-- as long as you approve of it, albeit I'm sure that you have the right to get a restraining order-- your sister or not!

To be totally honest with you, if it were MY child, I wouldn't let her speak to her bio mum if she was a druggie! But that's just me.

Titchou 04-06-2012 03:25 PM

Re: Kinship Adoption- Bio Mom trying to contact
 
For what your rights are you would need to talk with your attorney. As for what happened with her bio mom, I don't know that I would even broach the subject with her. Her mother is a known liar and substance abuser so I'd just leave that alone but monitor where my daughter goes on the internet - you know how to do that, right?

Zepcreed 04-16-2012 10:02 PM

Re: Kinship Adoption- Bio Mom trying to contact
 
My husband and I discussed what we should do. We didnt want to upset OUR Daughter (During the Happiest Times in her life) by bringing up the past if it was all just a LIE.
So what I did was this... I asked her if ANYONE Contacted her via Email or Online or Phone that I should know about. She said No and asked why.
I said I had a strange call today and it is probably nothing - but I just needed to check. She swore to me that she wasnt contacted and I believed her.
Now here we are over a week later and I found out that ANOTHER person was told the SAME Story by my sister. She told this person that she contacted m daughter via Facebook. She said that they talked and I found Out. She said that I punished my daughter and forbad them from being in contact...... Again, I never heard of this.
So Coincedently, My daugher was grounded recently (Which is rare) and that made me think that maybe my daughter was in contact. Maybe she didnt know how to stop the contact so maybe she lied and said that I ffound out and grounded her.
I couldnt take the chance.
So today after I picked my daughter up from school I had no choice but to confront her. I asked her again if there was anything I needed to know. She said no and asked why. So I told her. She Got Very UPSET and Said "Yea, Right.... She DOes NOT WANT To Contact ME! IF She ONLY KNEW WHAT I WOULD SAY TO HER!"
We then had a long long talk. I explained that I dont know why she was lying about this and my daughter thought that maybe she was looking for money.
Long story short-er....My sister is facing jail time now, and has been diggin in the family pool asking everyone for money. She even asked someone for their Soc Sec Number to have her Utilites turned on. Today she begged someone else for money because she is hungry (LIE).
I am glad I had this talk with my daughter but I am very sad that I had to bring this up to her. She is such an amazing girl and she is in such a fantastic place in her life. She is more angry now that my sister is threatening her happiness just by lying about contact.
Can I get A Restraining Order?
How do I Do this?
Who Do I Notify?

Titchou 04-17-2012 04:05 AM

Re: Kinship Adoption- Bio Mom trying to contact
 
Once again, you need to talk to an attorney (family law one) to find what your rights are and how to protect your family.

SisterE 06-08-2012 01:08 PM

Re: Kinship Adoption- Bio Mom trying to contact
 
Absolutely talk to an attorney and see what your rights are!

Also, have your daughter check her privacy settings on her Facebook account to make sure that your sister isn't randomly reading her posts and making up stories about them. My own family just went through something very similar to this with a mentally ill family member who would see someone's post ... you know, just something inoccuous like "I'm so mad right now, I could scream!" and assume it was about them and go to other family members screaming that everyone hated them. Didn't matter that the post was about being mad because the toaster broke or someone drank all the milk for breakfast, it always came down to the mentally ill fam. member interpreting it to be about them.
Make sure that your sister doesn't have access to yours or your daughter's facebook posts. :)

Chrissy26 07-31-2012 08:58 AM

Re: Kinship Adoption- Bio Mom trying to contact
 
I would make sure your daughter's settings are set to private and have her change her password just in case. And like BubbleGuppy said, I too wouldn't want her in my daughter's life either. I agree with you getting a restraining order against her.


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