My husband and I just began the process of adopting four siblings (ages 10, 12, 14, 15), to add to our family. We get the children every weekend at this time until they can be placed in our home on a more "permanent" basis. I know that the two older ones have contact with bio mom on facebook and this weekend we discovered the 12 year old on the phone with bio mom. Has anyone ever faced this problem? I don't mean to sound rude or anything but if these children are going to become ours, I really don't want bio mom to have any kind of influence on them. Any suggestions?
I think that's a legal question for you to ask the adoption agency/facilitator. It would be difficult to keep children of this age group from contacting their bio parent...and probably better to try and wean them rather than cutting the off altogether. At this point, until they are legally yours, you probably cannot put limitations on it. I would, rather, just say something like "while we're together, let's just communicate within our family and friends circle and save talking with her for when you aren't with us."
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Hi, I have had a similar situation. We have adopted 6 children, 2 who were a sibling group. It is very difficult, we do not allow phone calls with bio mum unless it happens when we are in the same room. This sounds harsh but on occasion she has said things that are inappropriate. They are not allowed access to her on face book, if this rule is broken they are not allowed computer access. It will be easieR to put your rules in place when the adoption is finalised.
I agree with you children can only be influenced by one set of parents it is too confusing to them if bio mother is interfering.
Thank you Titchou, I did talk to the orphanage today and they are going to talk to the orphanage and I like your suggestion of saying "while we're together, let's just communicate within our family and friends circle and save talking with her for when you aren't with us." Thank you for your input.
Thank you Agenda, the reason I'm so concerned about it is because I know she has been telling the kids that she has a lawyer fighting to get custody back which isn't true and I don't want her to be giving them false hope of something that will never be. Your suggestions about phone calls and Facebook sound very reasonable to me. We'll see how that all works out. Thank you!