I've gotten to the point where I have almost NO sympathy for people in pain anymore. And I truly hate myself for feeling that way sometimes. I'm not talking about people who are terminally ill or anything like that or has a broken bone.. Basically people who whine about a pulled muscle, or they have a bad cold, or they're just soooo tired, or god forbid a bad headache.. it's whine whine whine.
I think to myself.. good lord, you have NO clue what pain is, quit your darn whining.. try dealing with it 24/7 for months or even years, THEN you can complain.. besides that, I don't even wanna hear it.
How terrible IS that??? Gosh it makes me feel horrible when I think that when my hubby complains that he has a headache or he's tired himself out from playing football with the kids. He's an AWESOME husband, he's my best friend and biggest supporter, I shouldn't feel that way.
It's just so hard to feel sympathy for anyone when it's what I deal with on a day to day basis. I'm evil I think
I feel the same way a lot of the time. I have to consciously tell myself not to tell them all to shut up, because honestly, they don't have the pain tolerances that we have to develop in order to survive. (This is what I tell myself, at least) My husband is a great guy and does construction work, so I try to be more patient when he whines about being in pain, but sometimes it really gets to me...I mean, I'm in this horrible pain every single second and still I'm expected to do stuff (although he very rarely says anything if I don't, which is appreciated). I know other people don't understand what an accomplishment it is to get out of bed and take a shower, because they take their healthy bodies for granted. I do believe we chronic pain people get a bit warped in the head, but that's completely understandable and normal. Chronic pain is proven to cause some chemical imbalances, because pain is a signal that something is wrong. How I wish doctors and everyone else would realize that simple little fact. *hugs*Kali
You are not evil, I feel the same way, When you very seldom get a break from pain it is hard to have sympathy for anyone else's minor problems. We can never make plans because we never know how we are going to feel. It is just so disgusting, fm has completely taken over my life.
If you are evil so are a lot of us, including myself.
Myofascal pain syndrome
Arthritis, cervical and thorastic
Yes, I get very upset to now hear people griping about things in life that are so insignificant. I guess it is because everything in our life is now so significant. I used to feel sorry for couple of my neighbors, one has rheumatoid arthritis and has to get intraveous drugs and other is survivor of colon cancer and on hemodialysis. However, now I am jealous of them because they are so active in their lives and I have become a vegetable. Now I ask you is that logical thinking? When I type this it really sounds pathetic, but it is the truth. (TT)
Yes, Dee, I can relate to your feeling evil and maybe angry about most everything and everybody. The most upsetting for me is that people look at me like I'm such a pain in the *** if I should utter a word about the pain or any disturbance that goes along with the Fibro, but we are suppose to listen readily about whatever problems that crop up in their daily lives with compassion and understanding... What's up with that?
My PhD told me yesterday that yes Fibro is in a way all in my mind, because with every Fibro patient that she has ever seen, they also have Severe Depression and have also been thru some sort of mental and/or physical abuse in their lives. Every Fibro Patient!!!!!! It is physical pain that manifests itself from the depression and abuse.
Does this make as much sense to anybody else here?
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My problem is the opposit. I get NO sypathy at all. In fact its just the opposit. My husband disregards my pain as if its all in my head. He expects me to be able to work equal to him and when i am in pain from trying to please him, if I say anything I just get to see him roll his eyes and walk away.
I feel like I am going crazy!!
Well I can honestly say that I have never been abused but my body has been put through alot of abuse. I used to run track in school, Swim, had endometrosis, hyper thyroid. Pergnancy, 3 car accidents and then just being a mother and a wife. I am also one of those people who put everyone elses needs above my own. But I think alot of peope do. But now I work out and take time to do things for me. I still hurt but aleast I can enjoy what I am doing while I am hurting
Wow, I've been away for a few days. Having some down days, what else is new. Dee you are not evil! and Ms Chick I think you hit it on the head. It's hard to have sympathy for someone's bad cough that will go away in a week when they act like you're imposing on them when they say "hi, how are you?" and you give them a real answer. I realize nobody wants to hear the minutia of my illness but a "gee that sucks" would be nice instead of the blank stare or changing of the subject.
Sometimes when it's people very close to you it's hard for them to hear about or even think about how much pain we must be in. It's painful for them to hear and believe so they try to avoid it and ignore it. Like when a person is dying of cancer and nobody in their life will let them talk about dying.
My husband is wonderful now but he hasn't always been. He always knew I was sick but when I first started to go downhill after four years together he never seemed to acknowledge just how bad off I was. Now he is awesome and he truly understands what happens to me. And I don't feel the need to tell him every little thing going wrong with me. I tell him it's a good day or a bad day and if I'm really bad off he'll ask me exactly what's wrong.
But even now I laugh sometimes or think to myself "you have no clue darling." Just this week I cut into my finger while trying to cook because I had a muscle spasm/tick in the hand holding the knife. I bought some New Skin because with a toddler I wash my hands constantly. I put it on, it stung slightly, and then I went wow this stuff is great. When I told my husband what I'd bought he said "Wooooh, just wait til you put that on, it hurts like hell." I chuckled and said "I already did, it 's no biggie." To which he replied "well, it's a small cut."
Then yesterday I put some aloe vera on a pretty bad sunburn he has. Bad enough to peel but not enough to blister. He said it stung so bad he almost cried. FROM A SUNBURN!!!!!! It just shows that when you've been totally healthy like he has all of your life and never experienced real pain you have no concept of what pain is. And that pain is relative so to him that stinging sunburn may be one of the worst things he's ever felt. I worry that someday he'll have something really bad and I'll have a complete wreck on my hands because he is ill equipped to deal with it.
My best friend is a huge baby when it comes to pain. I told her that she could even out a bad spray tan by using nail polish remover on her ankles. She looked at me like I told her to pour battery acid on her skin. If she has a headache or whatever she acts like she's gonna die and then later in the week when I can't sit anymore and tell her so she acts like I've said I have a pimple. She cried one time when I waxed her lip.
TT wrote, >>when they say "hi, how are you?"<<, I smile and ask if they want the truth or just being friendly? This gets some wierd loks, headshakes, some even walk away, but it lets them know their question is not as simple, or as casually taken as it seems. Surprisingly, most then say they want the truth.
I really believe that for those of us who live with chronic pain, that we must go throuh different emotional stages, such as someone grieving a death, before we find our balance again and are able to move on with our lives. Truly, we DO grieve, or should allow ourselves to, as we have lost someone we (hopefully) loved dearly - ourselves! Once we go thru the initial stages of whinning, then crying, then being angry, and so on, we eventually fall into a rhythmic pattern that works for the NEW us. It is really hard though for alot of people to let go and realize that they will NEVER be the person that they used to be, ever again. That's really sad. But, it's also really true. So, we have the option of wallowing in our self-pity/misery or getting on with things. I choose the latter of the two. It doesn't mean the pain is gone, just that I've forgiven myself for being in pain.
I guess what all this means, or I'm trying to say is that I don't think anyone is evil for the thoughts they have concerning others' pain. Everyone has a different tolerance level and most of us have learned to tolerate much more than the average joe is able to ahndle. So, I don't feel angry at them, just pity because I used to be there too. When my awesome husband or daughter complain of pain, I try to go overboard to make them feel better. It has, finally, thru the years had the effect that NOW they do realize that when I say I hurt, they know I mean it, and their compassion for me is stronger and they help me that much more.
I dunno, I think I'm just babbleing here, and have probably wandered all around the topic without saying what I intended when I first sat down. Funny (not!) how that danged old fibro-fog just jumps right in there when you're trying so hard to think!.
blessings to all,
I think you said it just fine copper. I too go out of my way to make my family feel better and I totally understand what you mean about getting the acceptance stage. I've had fibro for 12 years but I fough tit valiantly for ten. It's only been two years that I really lost tons of activities and abilities. And it's taken almost that whole time to reconcile myself to it. But I've realized that I haven't lost everything, I just have to adapt things to the new me.
I'm that way also, especially with my in-laws. They don't believe in Fibromyalgia and never ask how I'm feeling. However, all they have to do is get a bad cold and everyone dotes on that one.
Like you, I have no empathy for any of them. My brother-in-law had to go into the hospital to get some hemmoroids removed and you would have thought he was going in for brain surgury. Everyone flocked around him like it was so very serious.
And I sit there and say nothing. Nothing. Not how do you feel? Not a word of sympathy. Nothing. (I might even laugh at what big babies they are--since they have no idea of the pain we FMers go through).