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Old 06-13-2004, 11:11 AM   #1
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Western Colorado
Posts: 457
taurus3 HB User
Parenting & Fibro

Reading through the posts I've noticed a lot more folks who either have small children, are having children, are thinking about having children but afraid to, etc. So I thought I would open up the discussion about parenting and fibro.

What are our fears? What are our challenges? What are our triumphs?

I'm sure we can learn from each other. I'm thrilled to have someone else to talk to about it. I wish none of us had this illness but since we do, we can help each other with this. I believe Molly in particular mentioned she worries about how she could handle children.

I became disabled from fibro after my son was born. After delivery I was in such bad shape that my husband had to help me off the toilet and people had to bring me my baby at some points when my arms just wouldn't work. Had I known then what I know now I could've done some things differently to help myself.

Even with all the parenting challenges I have faced because of illness I thank God every day for my son and the new baby on the way. I believe I was headed to this point with or without having a baby. If I had been home for the last two years in pain with nothing to do but think about pain, myself and what I was missing out on in the world, I would have gone insane.

Having Andrew to care for has given me purpose and meaning. In fact I've found that motherhood is the one job in the world that I can easily adapt to my limitations. I can lie down whenever necessary. I learned to use the stroller in the house when my son wasn't walking to get him from room to room without carrying him. I would slide him in and out of the stroller onto the sofa or bed so I could nurse, cuddle and change him. Now that he's an active toddler I can go outside and lie in the grass while he plays. If Mom is having a really bad day we have reading/cartoon day. Once he was old enough to walk and climb he learned to climb onto my lap and the furniture around the house.

I saw a woman on Oprah two weeks ago who was there because her three children had written and said she was their hero. The woman was in a wheelchair and quite ill but still took care of them, with modifications. She was continuing to try to walk again. Her children didn't think they were missing out on anything by not having a healthy mother. (OK now I'm gonna make myself cry, darn hormones.) Her daughter said that when she looked at her mother she didn't see a wheelchair. She saw her mother's beauty, her kindness, all the things she did for them, her courage and her patience.

I have worried at times that the day will come when my children will feel that I'm not enough for them because of what I can't do. But when I saw those children honoring their mother I realized that as long as you love them and give them everything you can give, they will know and love you back, just as you are.

So let's toss this ball around for awhile.

 
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Old 06-13-2004, 11:28 AM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Fond du Lac, WI
Posts: 250
typingterror HB User
Re: Parenting & Fibro

My daughter is grown so this is not an issue for me. However, I think children are a blessing even with fibro as it forces you to participate in life and by having to slow down you get to enoy the small things in life that others take for granted. Also, it teaches your children to have empathy for others, be more broad minded and have patience. I am an Oprah fan also and shed tons of tears while watching her show as there is always a message in each program that we can learn something from. I like her program because she focuses on the positive things in life rather than the negative so we can relate to this. (TT)

 
Old 06-13-2004, 11:31 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX, USA
Posts: 220
mollymadison HB User
Re: Parenting & Fibro

Thank you for sharing your story. I am in tears. I also saw that Oprah show. I just get scared that right now I am barely able to take care of myself (emotionally and physically). I am severely depressed about the whole thing. More depressed than I have ever been. I am also bi-polar so that doesn't help. I know with the support that I have I will be able to overcome the issues that I am dealing with. My husband mentioned the other day that maybe we should have children. All I could do was cry....

Taurus-I hope that one day I DO have the courage to have children and be a wonderful mom like you. Again Thank YOU so much for sharing this. I will go back and read again and again. THANK YOU!!

 
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