Oh Ed, I'm so sorry. I know you and your wife have had troubles and it's very difficult for spouses to understand, but still. It breaks my heart to hear how she's treating you. "Walking funny" is perfectly normal after a flare as you said. She should be proud of you that you have the courage and personal strength to get up and go anyway.
My Mom who has fibro has been wrestling with the walking problem much lately and it causes her to fall down a lot.
I'm sure you were here big strong knight in shining armor for along time and it's hard for her to accept that you can't do it all anymore. But I hope for your sake that either she finds her heart filled with more compassion, or you get out. I'm sure she's a good person and we mostly hear the bad stuff. But if she treats you this way constantly is it worth it?
Not that 57 is over the hill or anything but it is the time in one's life when medical problems start to happen. She should be able to muster up a little more understanding. Would she be embarrassed if you decided to enter a marathon in a wheel chair to raise money for fibro or would she be proud like she should be?
Mu hubby is proud of me when I get the dishes and laundry done. And when I'm doing badly in the winter and have to shuffle to walk or walk really slow he patiently and proudly walks next to me. Everyone deserves that.
I hope you get an apology soon. You're a very caring person even with all your pain and don't need this kind of treatment from anybody.
Ok I'll stop ranting, but I can't help it. I spent seven years of my twenties with men who were verbally abusive and since I managed to stop it in my life, I hate to see others being abuse in any way.
There are plenty of other people out there who will truly care about you and not be so selfish.
I found her attitude abusive. She has no understanding of what I (and all of us) go through. Absoulutely no concept of what Fibromyalgia does.
She's an educated woman and has never been sick a day in her life.
She says when i walk with her she wants to be 'proud' of me.
And--at one time I was, as you put it, 'her knight in shining armor'.
I can only imagine what would happen if I ended up with cancer or something else on top of the Fibro. I wonder what kind of bad attitude I would get then.
I've given her literature and have brought her to the doctor with me.
With Lyme Disease we almost broke up and did have a trial separation when I was at my sickest.
I still, as of this morning, gotten an apology. She's home today to take care of her mother who is in a nursing home. She's in a locked ward because she became violent and has Alzheimer's. She is trying to move her out of that area of the home.
So--she's home part of today. I'll let it go, but will not be too satisfied until she accepts me for who I am. The 'walking funny' thing really hurt.
I pushed just to go bring the dog to the park right after a flareup. I thought it wouldn't be that difficult just to sit. Well--the walk from the car to the area of the park where we bring the dog was enough to cause trouble.
And to top it off, she announced to me that I walk like this alot.
I don't think I do and believe she's exagerating to win her point.
Now I'm self-concious and will have to 'fake' a new walk---if I can.
I admire those of you who have understanding spouses. What I wouldn't give to have mine say just once 'I'm proud of you' for going through all this and still love you as you are.
Wouldn't that be wonderful? I guess many years ago I wore my spouse out with the doctor's visits and always saying I am tired, or hurting or something. Now, I don't say anything. Just let it be. He still to this day doesn't believe that Fibromyalgia exists.
Many many moons ago when I was told I had Fibro, the doctor told my husband that it was catchall illness, not really recognized as an illness. So, he's pretty much believed that ever since. I just gave up explaining, telling, discussing anything to do with ANY pain.
I am a man aged fifty three and yes I sometimes walk funny. Especially when that awful tiredness hits. I am one of the lucky ones with a supportive wife and I dont know if I could cope with it all without the support. However, I can understand where a partner might be coming from. The personality types who get FM are usually "A" types, who are doers and very hardworking and decisive people. We are the organisers, the strong people and proud to be seen with. Then FM strikes and we are unable to fulfil this role anymore. Your wife has to learn to cope with you in this new (can I say) needy role. Where you are not perfect. She is trying to cope with her mother in a nursing home and now you might need some of her too. She could be overwhelmed and scared for the future. Try to talk to her around this area and not wait for an apology that may never come. Your relationship will fester to nothing and you both lose. Remember marriage is for better or worse. You have had the better and now you have to face the worse. Hopefully you can do it together. God, this sounds so pompous and I am not usually like that. I have more I could say but I think you have the general gist of what I am trying to get at Good luck to you.
Thanks for all of your support.
We did pretty much the same things we did last weekend, but I refused to bring the dog to the park--that was when I was 'walking funny'. And--I brought it up today and she claims she never said it. Maybe that's some sort of apology.
My legs barely held up through the weekend, so I've been dosing in the magnesium with pain meds and am not walking. I really do hope tomorrow will be better.
Thanks for being there....you made me feel much better about myself.