I have been thinking a lot about my life lately and remembering the good times. The life before fibbomyalgia. I had a great social life and many friends. Alas they are all gone. My fault not thiers. They used to visit or meet up or phone, but over the past few years the visits etc have dwindled to almost none. I get an odd phone call. I dont balme them because I have stopped making contact and I have broken so many plans to do things. At first they were understanding but that is gone. I know when I talk to them that they thing I am a hypocondriac. I have given "the List" to my closest friends but I do not think they believe it exists.
The bottom line in all of this is that I am lonely and sometimes I would like to talk or do things, but I physically cannot. I am soory I am having a moan about this but when I think about it I get very upset. Any comments please
[COLOR=Blue]Hello! I know how you feel and you're not alone, although somedays it sure feels like it. Thats why I like coming to this site, because there are people just like us who just want someone to talk to. Someone who understands and doesn't judge. Someone who "feels our pain" and knows we are not making it up. Some days I just feel like giving up and then I look at my 3 beautiful children and know that I can't. So cheer up a little, there are a lot of us out there and we can help you on the "bad" days. Whenever you need a friend you know where to come.
I really do understand what your saying and nothing is worse than when your friends start to give up on you because you just can't to everything in the spur of the moment like you once use to . I have some good friend that have stuck by me no matter what and then I have some that just faded out of the picture. It is hard to look back and see that you can't do what you use to I think we all look back and remember the good days .
I look at this sometimes as a blessing I have met some of the most wonderful people since I have had fibro that I know I would never have met so to be it can be such a pain in the butt and at the same time it has brought me into this world of kind caring and loving friends that I am truely blessed to have as friends now.
I do hope that your spirits pick up and that your feeling better soon these down days are hard on us and we all have them.
Thanks for the replies and the encouragement. I need it today. I am a real downer. The friends think is really getting to me. I did Phone a pal I have not seen in a while and it was as if we were together yesterday. So I guess they are there for me when I am ready to start living again. I have one really close friend and that is my wife who stands by me and supports me through all of this. This has greatly affected her lifestyle too and I feel guilty about that too. More guilt and moan and regret.
Maybe tomorrow things will look brighter.
It's hard to have those days. Last week I cried for an hour because I couldn't go to a class I've been trying to take. All my friends are in it and it's the only time I get to see them.
I used to have a big social life too. I try to keep a list and call a different person every day when I feel good. Just one a day and it doesn't have to be a long conversation. But at least I stay a ilttle more connected and have an opprunity to see people sometimes. But I have many people that I have let go of. I was always the solicitor, go to their house, call them, plan things, invite people. Now that I can't do that nothing happens. So I give my attention to the people who have bothered to keep up on me and come visit me. They are the ones who deserve what little energy I have. The rest I still like and care for but I put them in a different category.
Your story isn't all that uncommon. I went through the same thing: missing events, trying to explain the illness, etc., etc. and all that happened was my friends dwindled down to about none. When I was well, before Lyme Disease and the Fibromyalgia, I had a very active life. Now, I'm lucky if I can get my dog out for a walk.
I just do some family obligations but generally stay inside all day and occupy myself by doing things around here. Online is one of those things--it helps me have somekind of contact with others. Cyber-space has become my lifeline to the world.
Believe me--you do adjust to the new life without all you had before.
And--we are friends on here, so it's hard to say that any of us are really without friends.
I am so grateful for all of you I don't know what I would do without you to talk to and to learn from, and just to be understood when I need to let the pain out. I believe we are all learning a lesson here about friends too. Those who are the "Fair Weather" kind and those who Stick by you through it all. After all this I have to complain again though...LOL! The new meds that I have been on for close to 3 weeks now have stopped working. I am on 60 mgs Morphine Sulphate MS Contin and had some MSIR. He did not give me enough MSIR to last until the next appointment, he only gave me 30 with the directions saying take on every 6 hours. When I used them that way it really helped. Now that I have none, the pain is going up from 6-7 to 8-9 and as the days go by it goes higher because I cannot seem to get on top of it again. Whats happening here??? What do I do? I am afraid if I ask him for more he will say NO. And I will be in the same position I was before he changed my meds. I know with the patches he was only allowing 1 Oxycodone a day for break through! I have break through every 4 hours!!! The MS Contin is supposed to last 6 hours. NOT! It lasts 4 if I am lucky, so without breakthrough MSIR I have gone back up to 8-9 again and going higher everyday. Is this normal? Should I ask for higher dosage of MSContin? He is so reluctant to give me enough breakthrough meds as if it only breaks through once a day! OH and does anyone know if the MSIR comes in a higher strength than the 10 mg he gave me? Help! I am slipping into that dreaded horrendous of unreleivable pain again and cannot stop it! I have even thought of breaking one of the MS Contin in half and taking that for breakthrough, but it would make it so I would be a pill shorter for my daily amount. He will not give me but the exact amount for a month and usually does not take into consideration some months have 31 days! I am desperate again and it has not even been 3 weeks on the new meds. Can I need a higher dose this soon? Or do you think it is because I have no more breakthrough to keep me on top of the pain? Suggestions anyone???
Love and Light....Kovena
No one around here where I live will actually talk to me. We have what we call a "Loud Mouth" across the street, you know the kind who talks about everyone else all the time, and most of it is detrimental to the one talked about...well my next door neighbor has been living next door for about 5 months now, and I got to speak to her today (she has 3 kids and usually running around busy) and she told me that the "loud Mouth" has been talking about me again. She says I am being classified as mentally ill because I never come out of the house. and she added that I was called a freak because the ambulance had to come for me 3 times this year. She had the nerve to say she saw I was all strapped down and I was screaming at the police and calling them names>>>>> DUH?? Whare does this S*** come from. How can people be so cruel? And when did THAT ever happen? How come I don't know about it??? *Shakes head* Friends like that, who needs enemies. Are people so bored that they have to make up things to have a conversation with others? Maybe that was why my next door neighbor was avoiding me? When she first moved in we would always share recipes and talk, and then it stopped all of a sudden. Now I know why. Its Not Fair. Do any of you have people on your block like that?
"Above All Do No Harm"...Love and Light to All...kovena