No sex drive, need some input - Fibromyalgia Message Board

ginnyash · 11-07-2004, 12:36 PM

Hi am a 32 year old female with 0 sex drive!

I think it all started after I had back surgery when my duaghter was 5 months old. After the surgery I never felt the same. Well now my duaghter is 6 and my sex drive has not returned.

Right now I am on no meds at all, waiting to go to U of M hospital to get a second opinion. So I know its not meds. I want them to test my hormones too, I am sure I don't have much.

The last two years I have had weird pains and then a few months ago I was finally diagnosed with FM. My husband wants to leave the marriage because he feels like I don't love him, because I am not all over him and wanting passionate sex or passionate kissing. I do love him, it's just sex is the last thing on my mind. I know part of the marriage problems are my fault, I should of made him a priority. I told him I would, but he says he knows it would not be real, so no thanks. Also, he feels like he would be hurting me, so he can't get interested in it eiher.

I'm I alone here? Does anyone have the same problems,

if you do please respond so I can share this with my husband. My marriage is going to end and I feel so alone in all of this.

Thanks for any responses.
Gin

wishn · 11-07-2004, 06:12 PM

Gin you are not alone at all. I often have wondered if I was alone. For the past two years after coming down with the fibro I am the same way. I have been divorced for several years and haven't dated since the fibro. My children are always telling me to date again (two are grown and one teenager.) I could never see a man understanding what I feel with the pain and the sex drive is just like what you are feeling. I will be so interested in hearing from other people. I too feel so alone and I am not nearly as young as you, I'm 48, but I wish I did have someone in my life. My daughter graduates this year and I know she will start her life away from home.

Hang in there....I'm sure there will be some others who feel the same way. We will work together in ....working through this. I know after 2 years of believing that I will be alone for the rest of my years with no companionship...it would feel good to know how others have worked through this.

Annie

tam821 · 11-07-2004, 11:15 PM

At times when I am in pain, gosh I dont have to have sex either.. how can you feel sexy when your hurting all over..

i do have an understanding hubby, which helps.

i wish your hubby would try to understand your pain and think of you, like your thinking of him

katte 28 · 11-08-2004, 12:02 AM

Gin ,
You are not alone. So not alone. My boyfriend of ten years just left me for someone else. He said it wasn't because of my illness but I think it was. How long have you been married ? This illness puts a serious strain on any long term relationship. Don't feel bad. THIS ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT ! Don't let your partner make you feel lousy. You need a supportive man. Have you given him literature ? How was your marriage before this ? I think existing problems only intensify with FMS. No matter what happens you always have yourself. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself. You are going through a tough time. Beyond that , I don't know what to say...
katte 28

kcgage · 11-08-2004, 07:06 AM

Hi Gin,

I can relate, although I am not married. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years. I'm only 24 and he's 27 so we used to be all over each other. Now, we only have sex once every few weeks, usually when I feel "okay" and start to feel bad for him! He's been very supportive always telling me it's okay and as long as I'm okay but I always have that fear in my mind that he wants something more from a partner [he says this is not so]. I have given him some printouts to read and I think that helped him understand a little bit more. It's not even totally the "sex" thing but we used to go shopping, on road trips for long weekends, out to the bars, etc. and I don't do any of those things very much anymore. I'm a different person but he's stayed beside me.

This may be something you can speak to your dr. about but if your husband has read up on this DD and listened to you fully, and still doesn 't understand -- well, I hate to say it, but he's not worth it.

I'll be thinking of you.