bluelakelady

good morning dear friends,
the following is a story i wrote 4 years ago. i have decided to share a few of my favorite old stories. this one was written while living on 18 acres in Potter Valley, Ca.
enjoy!

This morning in the predawn light I journeyed out to play the Goddess of water. As I stood on the east side of the house watering the pink ladies, garlic chives, day lilies and gourd vines, a sight came to my eyes. As the sun rose over the tip of the mountain range, my shadow appeared to me on the side of the house. My shadow. Proof that I stand between the sun and the earth. My shadow. Childhood friend of old. I have not remembered to play with my shadow in many, many years. Dear old friend how could I have forgotten you. Was it the stress and fear of early adulthood that drew my attention away from you? Or perhaps the responsibilities of motherhood and marriage quietly closed the door on you without even knowing what was being lost.
Joyous am I to have found my first play mate again. I found you first as a wee baby. Perhaps it was a day such as this one, the sun shining brightly, warming the world. I spied you first on the wall next to my crib. At first I did not know who you were or how you came and went. Yet I knew you were my friend come to play with me. One day as I was wiggling my arms, hands and legs, I happened to notice you were doing the very same thing! Discovery! You could do everything I could do! And at the exact same time!
It was there in my crib on that sunny day I learned the most important lesson of life. I am never alone. No matter where I went, my shadow walked step for step right along with me. And play? Oh my, the games I invented for my shadow and me to play. Our favorite was racing. We would run like crazy trying to beat each other to a pointed out goal. It did not occur to me then that the placement of the sun determined the winner each time. I think the racing stopped when I did learn . . . or maybe it was the BIKE!
A most wonderful discovery came when my parents gave me a fast, sleek, beautiful blue bicycle. The very first time I slung my leg over and settled my little fanny onto the seat I looked over at my shadow and guess what had happened? Yup! My shadow had a bike too! Off we raced together into forever. Nothing was too far away now. With the desert dunes as our playground we dared each other to new heights with each foray into the fascinating unknown. Standing at the top of a steep, steep hill we would look down at the proof that others had made this same ride. Deep and worn, the path streaks down. Impossible it seems. My shadow and I take a deep breath, mount our bikes, cross one set of fingers (just in case), and fly, fly, fly to the earth below. The wind rips our breath away as the rush of excitement washes thru our very pores. Sweat dries as fast as it rises in the hot desert sun. In one of those eternal seconds only children revel in it was over. With chests heaving from the experience, we fall to the ground shaking and laughing. Next time we will go down the one over there that is just a bit steeper and longer and has a cool bump in it!
As I grew older my shadow and I would walk slowly together. My thoughts grew deeper, my shadow dimmer, as I grew older, and older, and older. There came a day, I do not know the when, that I stopped seeing my shadow. It simply melted into the ground. I walked for years without my shadow, alone. I tried finding other people walk to with me, but that did not work. They wanted me to walk the way they were! For many years I wandered alone seeking in others what was extending outward from my feet all the time. It is funny how I forgot to look down.
There was one person who played shadow games with me. My son Lee. The fun we had on his bedroom wall. Our shadows dancing and making shapes. Acting out plays and giggling so hard our tummies hurt. Sometimes we would play for hours only to discover it was midnight and WAY past time for sleep. That wonderful mountain of hours spent playing on the wall with my three best buds are the gems I carry sacred within my heart. Mined from my past, resurrected this morning on the wall of my house. This mountain of love is back. It is not just the memory, it is the rush within my being at the discovery that they, and my shadow are all fresh, real, and still very much there.
I wonder if my grandchildren are too old yet for playing shadow games? I hope not. I even have the perfect light and the most cool place to play in.
This morning as the sun rose over the mountain I saw with fresh old eyes my best bud ever, my shadow. We each tilted our head to the side and smiled. One of those really big smiles that lights up everything around you. Or was it the sun? Both. We did not play this morning. We simply stood in the morning sun quietly watering the flowers. What gentle comfort it is to know, anew, that I am never alone. With the gentle guidance of the sun my shadow walks where needed. Sometimes in front to guide me. Sometimes behind to gently push me, and most often beside me to share equally in whatever experience comes our way.
I spent a lot of years searching for what was here all along. As I put it as a child, "My very best friend in the whole world." Funny how time, choice and circumstance clouded my thinking. I am the only one who knows me each and every time. How silly to expect any other person to be fully aware of the me that is me. Duh! This is a real giggle moment as I feel yet another weight rising away. Bye, bye Expectation! Whew! Cool!
The next time I hear myself say, "I don't wanna go shovel all that dirt alone, whine" I will hear near me an indignant voice say, "what am I? Invisible?", and remember. I want to run out and grab the bicycle and ride up the mountain. My imagination is strong, so I will be wise. My shadow and I will ride on the rushing winds of memory. How brave we are. How daring. How silly!
Let me see? Does the song go? "Me . . . and my shaaaadow, strolling down the aaaveeenue," well a dirt road in my case. What fun lies ahead?? Only my shadow knows! Yup! I'm stealing from radio this time.
Well, there is no dirt to shovel, that comes tomorrow. I bet there are, maybe a billion weeds out there just dying to be lifted from their bondage to the earth and composted into rich delicious soil. Oh, and it is way past time to move the sprinkler. I'm gonna go play with my friend now. You have fun too!
Peace,
bluelakelady