fibromyalgia, stress, unhealthy relationships and how they work against us. - Fibromyalgia Message Board

bluelakelady · 08-17-2005, 08:08 AM

i wanted to start this thread for those of us in poor relationships. some of us have come out the other side and there is much learning to be gifted over.
as most of you already know i have come out the other side of hades. after 16+ years i ended a co-dependant, very unhealthy relationship.
what i want to share here at the beginning is how good i feel now. i am empowered with choice. the energy i expended protecting myself is now free to help me heal both mind and body. will i get suddenly well just because i finally dumped the trash out of my life? probably not. my reward, if you will, is i am no longer afraid. that is a very big deal as fear caused enormous stress to our bodies. holding our breath, waiting for the next ax to fall on us.
having fibromyalgia brings about a vulnerability we must be ever watchfull over. protecting ourselves is the only answer i know of. counting on someone else to do that is setting us up for a fall if we are in an unhealthy relationship with a person who is as needy or needier that we are.
i would like this thread to be a sharing of life and choices.
i can breath and i want to share that breath with any person who cannot yet do it for lack of whatever. for myself it was lack of courage. i am wonder woman now.
peace,
bluelakelady

Glojer · 08-17-2005, 09:04 AM

Well said blue, you know how happy I am for you. I can't offer much in the way of experience with bad relationships, but I can offer encouragement and friendship to anyone who needs it.

This was a wonderful idea blue and I will be keeping up and offering energy to anyone who needs it.

Glojer

bluelakelady · 08-17-2005, 09:21 AM

dearest glojer,
what you offer is proof that good relationships do exist. for all of us who have never had that experience you and your good man are living proof that unconditional love is real. you, golden and bilij just to name a few of the humans here in a loving caring enviornment are inspiration to us all.
some of us may move on and try again. not me. for those who do your lives are a validation of what we feel can happen in life when we make healthy choices.
i am delighted you are part of this conversation.
peace,
bluelakelady

goldenwings · 08-17-2005, 10:47 AM

Dear Blue,

Thank you for starting this thread. If it can help only one of our family here, then I personally will be so happy.

Hello My Friends,

I too think this is a wonderful idea to explore where we were, and where we are now, and what has made us who we are. We are blessed if we can learn from the badness that once invaded our lives. Some of us unfortunately don't seem able to do this. I hope this thread will now enable those of us who need to look in from the "other" side to have hope that it can be done.

I came out of the darkness of a horrid, hurtful, down in the depths of despair relationship. There are more words I could use but I am a lady. I hesitate really to use the term relationship because to me that word conjures up partnerships, and being and pulling together, and it also has a warm and fuzzy feeling to it. What I had wasn't. Oh yes, at first it was wonderful, then as time went the other half in the relationship got darker and darker. I was so lucky I feel in a way because I didn't have children, who I have yearned for all of my life, and they didn't have to come to any physical or mental harm because of this person. I wasn't married to the person either, but the trauma was still as strong. I will tell more of that when I feel I can share of myself more. Anyway, I don't want to put a dampner on this whole thread, so I will say what I want to share with you all.

What I came here to say was that, yes, I am in such a warm, loving, wonderful supportive relationship now, and I for one am thankful that I have found such a beautiful person as my darling compassionman. I am extremely lucky, and I know without the horrid hurtful way I had gone before, that I wouldn't have the insight into my emotions and knowing what makes others tick. I met this wondeful man I now have with me through thick and thin. I didn't go looking for another partner, it happened without warning. I am not a religious person, but I truly believe this was so meant to be and someone, somewhere arranged it for me.

I am waffling somewhat, forgive me, I just want to let anyone who is in doubt about what to do with their lives at the moment because it isn't really their life they are living, take a good, long hard look and act. Don't let something bad destroy who you are. You are so much better than that. It is time for you to "go forward and never look back". You deserve it so much.

Take care my friends

goldenwings

hangin · 08-17-2005, 11:20 AM

Dear Blue,

This subject is such an important issue in our journey through life. I am so glad you started this, there are so many voices that need to be heard and given compassion and strength.

I am a very lucky woman, however, recently I put my relationship in jeopardy. It was the most destructive action I have ever done in my life. I am married to the most wonderful, compassionate, loving and tender man.

It will be a long time before this man will be able to put this aside and I understand that. I was not unfaithful nor anything in that areana. I said something that I would give anything to take back. We have to be so careful with our words.

I know that my actions have caused so much stress to my body that at the moment I cannot walk without a cane since my back went out. Our situations are in relationship so much with our bodies. Especially with Fibro since our bodies are so vulnerable.

I know this thread was started for those who are in a sad place with relationships and I have to admit that I am being a little selfish here by venting since I have no other outlet but to share with my loving friends here.

I came to the conclusion that sometimes we take something good in our lifes and test it. When it comes out hurtful and damaging you realize that there is no reason in the world to do such a thing, unconditional love does exist.

No matter where I am in life, a good or bad time in a relationship, the number one thing for me is that I am ok the way I am. If someone loves you they do not judge you or doubt what is going on with you physically and mentally. I am lucky to not have lost this man and I will never, ever, doubt that which I know to be true.

Again, I know that this is a little off topic from this thread, however, it opened a door for me to share. Thank you Blue, you cannot know how much I needed this. I am so grateful. I am also grateful for what I have in life.

I am here to listen and give love and compassion to anyone who needs it. I learned a tremendous lesson.

I send out my voice of love and understanding. It helps to know that there are others out there who hear your voice and are listening.

Peace and love, Hangin

"Compassion can help heal our World"