Hi.
For all of my "old" Fibro buddies who remember me, I want to apologize for being absent from the board for such a long time.
I have already emailed the moderator (months ago, actually) but have just now had enough courage to tell you one of the main reasons that I have been absent from the board.
Well, here it goes: Some of you remember back last summer when I requested "support" for my son because he was sick with MRSA and Cellulitis. He had been in and out of hospitals for most of August through Septemeber. He even came to visit me for two weeks to recover after one of his hospital stays while he was visiting his Dad in Maryland.
ANYWAY: My sweet young boy, at the young age of 25, passed away in his sleep on October 31st (2005). Okay, (breathe) there, I said it. Now, I will tell you briefly about the day he passed.
I remember waking up that very day feeling ABSOLUTELY AWFUL. My pain level was so high, I had to shuffle across the floor to get around. It hurt to breathe, I was nauseated, EVERYTHING hurt. I finally called my husband at work after deciding not to call an ambulance, so he could take me to the ER at the small hospital near by. I got to the ER, and come to find out, my Electrolytes were dangerously low. My sodium level was low. My doc pumped me full of Saline and Phenegren and told me to get plenty of sodium type fluids in me. i.e. Gatorade etc. So, I got home from the hospital about 4:30 and was so tired I went to lay down. I saw on my phone that the message light was blinking. Well, thinking it was merely a bill collector, I ignored the message. About 9:00 p.m. that eve, my husband retrieved the message and came out into the living room to tell me that the message sounded like it was from Sarah (my DIL) but he couldn't make out what she was saying. So I listened to the message myself. All it said was: "Tracey, this is Sarah, please call me." Thinking that my son had probably gone back into the hospital I called her back expecting to hear that Cam had had a relapse. Only that isn't what I heard. These dreaded words will stick in my mind as long as I live. Sarah answered the phone and all I said is "What's wrong?" after that came:
"Cameron passed away in his sleep today". I couldn't beleive what I heard. I screamed "NO!" and threw the phone at my husband so he could talk to Sarah. Sarah said that my baby boy had passed away while sleeping about 2:00 that afternoon (same time I was at the hospital). Unfortunately, my DIL found him when she came home from work. I spoke with her mother later and she said that it wasn't unusual for my son to take an afternoon nap given all he'd been through, plus he too had FM, so she didn't think anything of his long nap, until my DIL came home and tried to wake him.
So, there it is in a nutshell really. There is much much more to the story, and I don't really think I can go into the details because yesterday was my son's birthday (he would have been 26) and I can say that since October, my life has been turned upside down. I always said to people "I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child". Now I know.
My ex husband is hiring a lawyer, because we have strong evidence that Cam may have not recieved the correct treatment for MRSA while he was hospitalized. The Cororner in TExas refused to do an Autopsy because Cam was under a doc's care. Phooey. Cam was under a doc's care for FM. When I spoke with my son last, he was so excited about this new doc he got for FM who seemed to want to work with Cam and get him into different modalities to treat FM w/o so much meds. The MRSA thing, we and he, thought was over. They had just drained his back and he seemed to be healing fine. No doc indicated further treatment regarding the MRSA or Cellulitis. Since then, we have learned ALOT more about these two conditions and the treatment Cam recieved and the info we have don't jive. Anyway, we believe the Cororner didn't order an autopsy because they believed that Cam had died of an overdose. Well, his tox screen came back normal.
Cam was cremated and we split his ashes three ways between myself, my ex, and my DIL.
The day after we had decided to have him cremated. My DIL wasn't sure, but I had been so fortunate to have spent those two weeks with my son in August and we discussed EVERYTHING and I knew Cam wanted to be cremated. Anyway, Sarah walked into the kitchen and said she found a peice of paper that Cam had written on during one of his stays in the hospital. He scribbled it onto one of those sheets of instructions they give you when they send you home from the hospital. It read as follows: "TELL MY SON TO BE A STRONG UNDERSTANDING MAN, BE KIND TO PEOPLE, AND LOVE YOUR FAMILY. I WASN'T EVERYTHING I SHOULD HAVE BEEN, BUT I LOVED EVERY DAY. I WAS BLESSED WITH A WONDERFUL FAMILY. CREMATE ME. THROW MY ASHES IN AN OPEN FIELD WHERE I CAN BE FREE." We were all like "WOW". Apparently my son "knew" something none of us did.
Anyway, like I said, I had two wonderful weeks with Cam before he went back to Texas. We cleared a lot of ugly things from our past up. We were as close as any mother and child could possibly be. We stayed up until 4 - 5 a.m. many mornings just talking about everything. I got to tell MY side of the story of the divorce and he saw and made his own conclusions of what transpired between his father and myself when he was small. I was lucky to be able to tell my side and let him decide for himself how to digest the information. We had a extremely HEALING two weeks. He loved driving my car to the store and he'd always come back with a little toy or card for me. He cleaned the house for me one day when my husband and I were at the lawyers office dealing with our bankruptcy. He made me macramae necklaces. We discussed everything from politics to death, dying and a possible "afterlife". He and I were a lot alike.
His funeral was simple. Very few flowers. Donations were made instead. I threw up all day my first day in Texas, even in the parking lot of the Bank where an account was set up for my DIL and Grandbaby (PoopieFace). Sarah made sure that Cam was dressed in his baggy jeans, big belt, large silver "punk" earrings, and had his shirt sleeves pushed up to show off his beautiful tatoos. We also found a hat and cut the brim off so it looked like he was wearing a hat backwards like he always did. We couldn't find his favorite beanie. Come to find out, it was left at my house from his visit.
When my son left my home, he left behind his car, you see he was planning on returning in Nov. for Thanksgiving and bringing my grandbaby, to cook me T-giving dinner. So a lot of his personal items were left behind. I also forgot to tell you, that for a few days during the two weeks he was here, Sarah flew over and brought my grandbaby. It was great having all three of them here. She had to return to school, so Cam stayed behind and left later. With the plan to return in Nov. Well, he never got that chance. I had his car in my yard, his room was just as he left it. It was awful.
I wear his clothes, I have a little memorial set up for him, and I miss him every minute of every day. My whole heart hurts. I have returned to work at Cracker Barrel hostessing a few days a week. Just to help me keep my mind from exploding.
So, there you have MOST of it. I have lots of stories of Cam's "visits". But can leave that to your imagination for those of you who know me "well enough".
I love you and please know, I haven't forgotten any of you for one minute.
Love,
TK
Hi everyone! It's TK. :) Remember me? 
Linear Mode
