tutti-fruti

boy, do I relay to this thread. Let me start by saying this : Had I known three and a half or is it 4 years (?) ago that I was going to have this condition, I would have never pursued a permanent relationship, ever. I feel that I need to have a 100 % CONTROL over my life, this is what these past few years taught me. And being with somebody else, it's not so easy to do that, no matter how easy or understanding the other person is (and nobody can be THAT understanding). I feel very frustrated within myself and lately very resentful over many many people and situations. I hate having somebody witnessing my flare ups. I learnt from the beginning of this thing, when I was freaking out going from doc to doc without knowing what the heck was going on with me, that my personal pain is MY personal pain and nobody else's. I just cannot make plans and I absolutely resent others making plans for me. It's not good for me. I cannot go out as I used to, I cannot travel as I used to, I cannot do anything like I used to anymore. Two weeks ago I went to the island of Myconos (for 5 days only), (i live in Greece) and I came back absolutely shattered from fatigue, believe it or not. Because fibro is not pain only, it's big time fatigue ! I would have preferred staying home, alone, for that matter. Now I'm leaving again on the 12th of July for 10 WHOLE DAYS and I am dreading it from now. And I told my partner, and he knows very well mind you, that 10 days is a lot for me. Staying outdoors, in the sun (or rather tryng to hide from it), in the wind, in a hotel where the mattress bothers me, is a killer for me. But my friend, he needs those 10 days, so you see ? there goes the control. He will not sit and think: ok let me make it 7 days. Plus you cannot drive another person down the gutter with you just because you are not well, all the time, or most of it. I would advise you to have a "controlled" relationship with someone who doesn't need to stick to you all the time, whereby you will be the master of the situation. If my partner didn't travel for his business, which is quite a lot, I would have gone crasy. Now after 4 years, I need to make my own decisions, I cannot take crap from anybody anymore. And yet I used to big time ! I always try to keep a positive attitude within myself, I accept and deal with my condition, but then when you think you have things under control, somebody else comes and changes your plans for you. For Christ's sake, do you all really think that normal people could ever understand what it feels like to have chronic pain and fatigue ? When I was trying to get a diagnosis running from one doctor to the other it so happened that my partner's mother and sister were staying in Greece (they live abroad) with us for 50 whole days !!! they looked and acted towards me as if I was some kind of nut or something. If I had the same brain I have today back then, I would have kicked them out of my house believe me. Today, I don't want anybody staying in my house anymore and witnessing me not being well, although most of the time, mind you, I pretend I'm fine ! I cannot handle stress at all. I need my energy for my daily work. I don't know how I could possibly explain all the above to a new person in my life, really. I think that those of us who already had a relationship/marriage or whatever when the fibro started are better off than someone who has yet to find somebody and deal with the outings, dinners, drinks, explanations, etc. Good luck to you and protect yourself. I have come to the conclusion that I, even with my lousy fibro, am far more worth than many other people i know. I hope you will find somebody who will appreciate you and give you the space you will need when you'll be less fine. good luck