Making Commitments or Promises to your kids-How do you deal with this? - Fibromyalgia Message Board

amiddle104 · 10-16-2006, 12:49 PM

Hello,

I have had Fibromyalgia for over 3 years now, just a few months after I had back surgery in 2003. It hit me hard. I had to finally quit work last year, because I just could not do it anymore. I am too scared to try for disability, because I know it would be a long hard fight that I am not able to physically or mentally handle.

Anyway, my question is that I am no longer able to make commitments or promises to my kids, because I never know how I am going to feel that day. I used to make promises only to break them, and then they just got disappointed and wouldn't believe me next time I made a promise. I just don't make these promises anymore, and instead tell them "we'll see" or "we'll see how I am feeling that day". This is partically hard for me and my kids, because I want to promise them things at times. I just want to know how others go about this, and what they tell their kids.

Sincerely,
Anne

kayjay1809 · 10-17-2006, 03:26 AM

Hiya, I had this problem at the weekend as I'm in the middle of a really bad flareup and walking is really painful. I'd said to my son we'd go shopping (I was desperate to see the outside of the house) and that he could go to the local park after whilst I cooked dinner. When I got to the shop my OH had to literally carry me out in agony so when we got home he had to cook dinner whilst I sat on the sofa

My son's only 6 and although I've had flareups since I've had him, this is the worst I've had that he can remember. I've explained to him that I'm struggling at the moment and it will pass and I'm afraid I resorted to bribery, and promised if he was brave and understood Daddy couldn't take him to the park, and he helps me whilst I'm not well, we'll go to ToysRUs to choose a present when I'm feeling up to it.

He seemed ok with that

MOMOFBOYZ · 10-23-2006, 04:56 PM

I too feel the guilt. I was alwasy an active mom. I stay home but have always gone to the park and played out front ect. I got fibro in Feb of this year following a lymph node removal. And have cancelled many things. But I do not promise anymore. I always say unless I am too sick. And do try and follow up on everything if \it is all possible. And when I am feeling even ok I play out front.
This weekend my back was out. But Sat for a half hour I managed to play soccor with my 6 yr old. I can't run and my feet hurt sooo much. But just kicking the ball to him and letting him run is important. Sure my feet hurt so bad later. But at least I feel I tried.
Today I had to pass on volunteering in his first grade class. I think he was ok with it. Mostly b/c I do try as much as possible.
Bribery is a good one and in really desperate situations can make you both feel better.
Deena

bluelakelady · 10-24-2006, 07:21 AM

dear anne,
making promises to a child is never a good idea. circumstances can alter in many ways making it impossible to keep the promise. you see what it does, it destroys trust.
i seldom say that i promise anything to anyone. along with fibro there is life. so many things can happen between the making of a promise and the fulfilling of it.
children are smart. a reward for doing something good is not bribery. you are teaching your child that often in life good deeds bring good rewards. in time your child will learn that the best reward it the feeling he gets when he does a good deed.
you are a good mom. see what you do, not what you do not do, and celebrate that you did it. love is a magical thing. so is honesty. be straight with your kids. you have the rare opportunity to teach pure compassion to your children in the ways you treat yourself and the way you teach them to treat you. they will carry that thru life, making our planet a better place to be.
peace,
bluelakelady