Do they "get it"? - Fibromyalgia Message Board

thenewfmgirl · 02-13-2007, 07:11 PM

I've come to the conclusion that there are 2 groups of people in my life now: those who "get it" and those who don't.

Those who get it are supportive, and understand when all of a sudden, I don't feel like doing something. They understand the mood swings and don't take offense. They understand why I can't eat certain things like I used to. They understand that I don't use my condition as a crutch, but that it has made me make changes in my life and lifestyle, and that I'm constantly learning each day.

Then there are those who don't. Those who get angry at me for changing plans last minute, or for not being as responsive to them one day as they'd like. Those are the ones I am finding that I am drifting away from, because they cause added stress.

Do you all find these two groups as well?

elmhar · 02-14-2007, 12:33 PM

Certainly. And I think our experience is also common in others with disabilities & chronic illness. But one problem somewhat unique to fibro sufferers is that the source of our trouble is invisible & even not well understood medically. It's very easy for insensitives (including med pros) to assume we're faking or that we need psychiatric help.

And I think your solution, drifting away from those who cause stress, is pretty common, and helpful. In cases where it's family members with the nasty reaction, things become more difficult. But anyone who is simply ignorant or ill-informed about fibro has potential to learn about it & change. Those who simply pressure you & get angry -- ya gotta wonder.

Best wishes.

bluelakelady · 02-15-2007, 09:23 AM

hi new girl,
i used to. now i only have friends who "get it" as you put it. there will always be compassionate people and those who are not.
i did a true evaluation of the people around me several years ago when it all started. i found i really did not want to be around the ones who were choosing to live in chaos and wanted me there with them. those who did not make room for me as is. so i told them kindly to go away. this they did do.
it was one of the smartest moves i made in my personal path to the best health i can attain. mental health and physical health are intertwined always.
as for family. i am fortunate. my sis has a friend with fibro. yet there was a moment in the beginning where she forgot to gift me with the same love and compassion she gifts to her friend. i called her on it. actually i burst into tears, ran from the room, and when my mom asked me what was wrong i said i am afraid, i want to go home now. i had been there 2 days after staying away 18 years. that was a few years ago. i am happy to report that i have a very loving, caring family who has taken the time to educate themselves and adapt to my ever changing reality. they are the best mom and sis any girl could ask for.
talking will never get the "get it" we seek. either they have it or they do not. and if they do not it is their right. as it is our right to step away and find new friends.
so, no sister of fibro, i have only one group, the keepers. life is easier this way. more fulfilling. more fun. safer too.
peace hugs and friendship,
blue

ICC · 02-15-2007, 10:39 AM

bluelakelady----A wonderful acknowledgment you have had. You're right some get it and some don't in mnay aspects of life. I have had strangers be more compassionate than family and close friends. I started to weed throught the ones who can't lieve without drama as I have had it forced on me most of my life and really didn't want or and have no time for it now. Peace is all I want. And people in my life who can support me and I can support them in their needs. Wishing you the best.

ICC

girl75 · 02-15-2007, 03:59 PM

i have found out that i only have friends now that "get it". it is exhausting trying to explain it all the time to the ones who don't.
i was a little upset the other day because i am friends with one of my neighbors and she said that she was telling her friend who also is a neighbor that i have fibro and she said oh that is nothing. she also said i know some people with it and they still work and live normal daily lives. i don't think that she understands that people who have fibro are all different and some have it worse than others. she also didn't know that i also have a herniated disc as well as other things.
this lady doesn't even know me. how rude huh?
i guess we will always run into people like that. i don't waste my breath on those people though. if they do have questions and want to know more about it i will be happy to explain things to them.
i think it tells you who really cares about you thats for sure.
robin