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Old 03-17-2007, 12:40 AM   #1
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I'm back!! Or new, depending on how long you've been here...

I cannot believe it's taken me 2.5 years to get back here. (You know you have FMS when...!!) I think it's best that I re-introduce myself.

I'm Lynn, 29 now, separated from the jerk that was my husband for 2.5 years (seeing why I might've forgotten about online boards? :/ ), living in my parents' house because I hurt so bloody much that I can barely move, got my pharmacy tech license, though... hugely competitive in SoCal, so no job after almost a year of having the darn thing. Anyway, yes, I was introducing... I have 2 cats who are psycho, no kids, still not divorced 'cause i have no money, but I do have a wonderful boyfriend who's always looking up stuff on fibro for me, I lost my best friend/brother almost a year ago , and my fibro is worse than ever, so again with the sad face. I have endometriosis on top of fibro and no health insurance, so no meds. I miss my Prozac and Soma greatly. I'm taking SAM-e and trying to regularly take Creatine (just started that again), on top of my other vitamins and supplements.

I'm sure I was going to say something else, but the brain fog is also worse than normal, so I'll leave it with: I really like the jumping fire guy.

I've really missed coming to a place where people understand... I won't be absent for that long again.

*hugs* Lynn

 
Old 03-17-2007, 06:12 AM   #2
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Re: I'm back!! Or new, depending on how long you've been here...

welcome home sweetie,
it has been a very long time. sound like you got busy reclaiming your life. so-cal is hard to find work in. no doubt. hang in there it will come.
it has been a season of loss for alot of us. it is good you came home for support.
tell your sweet boyfriend we are glad he is there, really there for you. so precious is a friend who sticks by you no matter what.
have you tried valerian root and/or kava kava for your fibro?
it's nice to have you back, kid.
peace,
bluelakelady

 
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Old 03-17-2007, 05:08 PM   #3
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Re: I'm back!! Or new, depending on how long you've been here...

Awww, thank you, bluelakelady. I've read your posts and I have to say, you are one of the sweetest human beings I've ever come across. People like you are the reason I came back here.

Working on that reclaiming my life thing - I have the means for a good job and, as much as it hurts, I love it. I was able to push through fulltime days during my externship simply because I enjoy doing it so much. So far, anything else I've tried, I haven't had that experience. So... I'm crossing my fingers.

I told my boyfriend what you said and his reply was, "I wouldn't be anywhere else. " I'm trying to reconnect with people who are supportive and understand the frustrations of fibro. The general population doesn't have a clue, I've noticed. I have another friend with fibro and she's great... however, she has quite a lot more help than I do, so it's not quite the same situation. My family sort of just smiles and nods if i talk about pain - they're in that general population of people who just don't get it. Some of them don't believe in fibro and simply think I'm lazy.

I'm convinced that fibro is a neuromuscular disease/syndrome/whatever you want to call it, after all of my research on it and talking to others in the medical/health science fields about it. That's why I try to take things that manipulate my brain chemistry into being more normal rather than painkillers (which don't work, not fair!). I haven't tried valerian or kava kava for the fibro - I tried them both back when I simply had insomnia and depression. Unfortunately, I have a stubborn, stubborn body that only responds to what it wants to and it didn't want to with those. So far, I had great success with L-arginine (which, in a complicated and roundabout way, helps more human growth hormone to be released), but I get canker sores and it made them flare up so badly that I had to stop taking it. Creatine seems to help a lot... when it's in my system regularly, I can go to the gym and work out like a normal person! The kind I take is expensive, though, $20 for 15 days. My boyfriend buys it for me, since I'm broke and in so much debt ($7000 for student loans, $3000 of credit lines that my husband cleaned out and left for me to pay off, and so on). That's been so hard to handle without a job... and yet I know if I had been able to get a job right out of school, it'd all be paid off right now. Frustrating!

Oh, well, I should stop babbling and get ready for the "day." My sleeping schedule is sooooo off.

*hugs*Lynn

 
Old 03-18-2007, 05:36 AM   #4
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Re: I'm back!! Or new, depending on how long you've been here...

hi lynn,
we can't pick our relatives. thankfully we can pick our friends and lovers. often it is there we find our strongest support system.
my mom said something yesterday that made me sad with appreciation. she said with all the doctors she has to see next month she is starting to understand what i live each day. she asked me how i do it. for that i have no answer except i just do it. my body, my responsibility. i am fortunate. my family has empathy and compassion for me. they had that before i got sick, just did not need it then. now it means so much to me.
do not give up on finding your place of assisting in the healing of others. it is a calling that must be answered. that special place is there for you. keep searching. i know things sometimes. i know you are needed in the healing field. come to nor cal. we are always hurting for above average help. so few see the benefit of living in the country, making a bit less money, breathing clean air you can't see. giggle. had to say that. i grew up in the san fernando valley.
tell your boyfriend he gifted you and myself with the most perfect answer. well done young man. well done indeed!!!
you both have a lovely day. remember, the day is what you make of it. each morning when you awake it is a new beginning, a rebirth. i love waking up.
peace and hugs back,
bluelakelady

 
Old 03-19-2007, 10:13 AM   #5
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Re: I'm back!! Or new, depending on how long you've been here...

Hi lynn, welcome back! It seems as though you have taken all the right steps to be in control of your own destiny. Including having that great boyfriend. Good luck with the job hunting, I will keep some good thoughts for you!

Glojer

 
Old 03-19-2007, 03:17 PM   #6
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kalishreya HB User
Re: I'm back!! Or new, depending on how long you've been here...

bluelakelady,

I'm glad your family has compassion for you. Mine... well, the motto of the family is "suck it up," so that's where they're all coming from. They see that I push myself very hard and wonder why I can't push even harder. (answer: because I shouldn't be pushing as hard as I do! A lot of friends have asked how I deal with the fibro, including the one that has it... I tell them that I don't have any other choice. You deal or you lay down and die, pretty much. As much as I've wanted to do the latter since my best friend died, it's just not me... so I deal.
I would *love* to go to Northern CA, I adore it up there. My boyfriend took me to San Francisco (one of my favorite cities) for our anniversary - we stayed in Japantown, as we're both obsessed with Japanese culture. I could have stayed there forever. That's the plan, I just need to find a job and pay off my debt and save up money. We looked at apartments online in Belmont and that looks just lovely.
I don't drive, due to the muscle spasms (that look like seizures when they get bad, so I can't chance it right now). That makes finding a job next to impossible when I don't live in LA or Orange County, but I've noticed that even going 1 city closer out there, the job opportunities open up more. I'm working on controlling the muscle spasms/seizures so I can drive. It's a pain not to!
Thank you so much for your kind words. Between you all and my boyfriend, I think I've been feeling better (emotionally) the past few days than I have all year.

*hugs*Lynn

 
Old 03-19-2007, 03:20 PM   #7
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Re: I'm back!! Or new, depending on how long you've been here...

Glojer,

Thank you! I can use all the good thoughts and vibes possible. Though, can't we all? I'm hoping that with all the new construction in my city that a few pharmacies will open up and I can get into one of them from the beginning. I love working in hospital pharmacies, but I'll do retail... Just give me drugs to play with! Compounding is the most fun... I got to do all of it during my 2 months' externship. I wonder if I can go back and ask to do some more?
It's so nice to "meet" you.

*hugs*Lynn

 
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