Helping spouses understand - Fibromyalgia Message Board

smackliet · 02-06-2001, 10:15 AM

I was just wondering if any of you have found the magic words to help your spouses understand that your not just a winey complaining waste of flesh. Dont get me wrong my hubby is warm and wonderful...unless I mention the FM. I think he believes its all in my head.

[This message has been edited by smackliet (edited 02-06-2001).]

02-06-2001, 02:05 PM

Hi Smack,

The advice I got was:

1. Leave information lying around. I found that my hubbie won't pick up the books but he will pick up papers so I print articles out and leave them lying near his recliner. The bathroom is another good place. Or his pillow/dinner plate if he doesn't catch on.
2. Take him with you to your doctor appointment. I would pre-warn my doctor that I was bringing a "non-believer" in and hope that she could chat for a few mintues with him.

Here are some things I tried on my own:
1. I waited till my husband got sick and was whining about how bad he felt and then I told him that I knew JUST HOW HE FELT because I had headaches,leg aches,fatigue and chills almost every day.
2. I've also purchased massage oils and enlisted his aid in massaging my aching muscles (occasionally I give him one too). He LOVES giving massages

so I get pampered and he gets happy. The massages really do help and he has noticed the knotted muscles and tender area's. The oil is a must, it doesn't work as well with lotions. He actually can feel a difference in my muscles now on my bad days, so I think he's a little more understanding.
3. I have tried to complain a little less and just ask for help a little more. My husband is a typical man and will tune out my whining but will happily(sort of) help if I tell him that I will fold the laundry if he carries the 5 baskets up from the basement because "I'm trying to cut down on steps". If I start with "my legs are killing me and no one ever helps out around here, I've been up and down these steps a million times today........" I do NOT get a positive response. It takes practice though, it's much easier for me to complain.

02-06-2001, 02:10 PM

Ps. ALL of Coppers articles that I've read have been SUPER! It's so nice because she writes from the view of a professional but also is a FM sufferer so she knows what it's REALLY like to have this illness. I've found it particularly helpful for me that she focus's on nutrition (which is her background.

smackliet · 02-06-2001, 03:18 PM

I think my husband worries because I am half of the house hold income and if I lose my ability to work we would have seriouse prob. So he wants to pretend I am fine.

Susan66 · 02-07-2001, 10:46 AM

I know what you mean exactly. I have been having problems off and on for over a year now and my husband never wants to hear about it. I think he thinks because I don't look sick and I am still able to do everything I did before that I must be okay. He doesn't realize that sometimes I have to make myself get up and do things only because they need done and I am the only one who will do them. I have pretty much giving up complaining. I just keep my mouth closed and go about my life, sometimes in pain, but nevertheless, it is easier not to have to deal with his remarks and eye rolling, when i say I am tired or feeling terrible.