Do I say how I feel???? - Fibromyalgia Message Board

mfry32 · 07-27-2002, 10:03 AM

You would think after 20 years of fibro that I would
know how to handle this. My husband is great with helping me out. He askes me several times a day how I
feel. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining but
I tell him the truth. I'm just so tired of dealing with this. People, I know, ask me how I feel and sometimes I tell them the truth and sometimes I feel
like they could care less so why tell them. I'm just so confused on how to answer. I know my 29 year old
daughter doesn't want to know. When I listen to my
answer to these people, I think of myself as a complaining person.

la_brat · 07-27-2002, 12:42 PM

I don't have FMS, but have often wrestled with this question. In order to determine which answer (the social, pleasant, polite or the real) to use, I go with how well I know them. Most of the time, even with those that I know it is in conversion before I say anything in detail beyond "Oh, okay" or "the usual". It's hard even in the doctor's office to say "I really feel like crud." We as humans are well trained to be careful of getting label of complainer attached to us. The label means the bearer is anti-social. My daughter, who has FMS, just said the answer is to lie, except to your doctor. It's easier because it takes too much energy to explain.

scbagrrrl · 07-28-2002, 12:46 AM

I know the feeling. I've been going downhill lately - and people frequently ask how I'm feeling/doing. If we're face to face, I think it's pretty obvious I feel like crappola. My life seems to revolve around doctor's appointments and finding the ability to do any sort of normal activity.

Despite how I feel, I try to keep an upbeat attitude. I don't have the energy to "fake it" and pretend that everything's just peachy, but I usually respond with "thanks for asking, it's the same old same old".

Those close to me/those that care, can usually see/hear the truth and may follow up with "how are you REALLY doing?"

Part of me doesn't like to hear myself say that I am feeling worse - I don't like the negativity/confirmation of it. (Part of the reason why I won't file for disability...)

So many people don't care. So many people just ask to be courteous. But sometime we need someone to ask and really care and listen, even if we sound like a whining broken record.

I hope you find a way to resolve this - Take care and keep us posted.

HopeFloats · 07-28-2002, 02:50 AM

If I don't feel up to an appointment/engagement/activity, I just tell the truth, but keep details out unless asked. So I say, "Sorry, not feeling very well, can't make it." I figured it shld matter nothing to me if the person thinks I'm an anti-social, boring person, as long as I know I had good, valid reasons for escaping (like how you have gd, valid reasons to skip an appt to attend to a sick child. Except in this case, you're attending to a sick adult).

If the person knows abt my condition (e.g. I have mentioned it to her before in the spirit of sharing), I might go: "Having fibro pains, darn, can't make it."
With my family, I'm more myself, but I don't see my parents often enough to become a real nuisance (not in same household). My husband, well, he's the long-suffering one. When my feet or hands hurt, I'd tell him, and sometimes try to get a foot/hand massage by whining (actually, I ask directly: "Can I have a foot message?"). He usually complies. My trick is to ask for it while he's semi-busy, like when we're watching TV, then massaging becomes less of a chore and more of a minor inconvenience - and cld even be subconsciously deemed an act of devotion! Actually, truth is, when you're concentrating on something else (the plot of a movie), you don't realise you're working part-time. It's like how you can eat bags of popcorn and wonder where the food went when the show's over.

But seriously, to my boss, I tell the truth, though in vague terms, and I've always taken pains to give the impression that I'm trying my best to get better (which is true). Ever since getting treatment, I've been doing much better, so tt helps, too.

Yes, scbagrrrl, sometimes, we really need someone who'd really understand to listen to us whine. But it's tough, since the fibropack is a diverse lot themselves. And where I come from, I seem to be the only one inflicted with these strange bodily reactions. And I often suspect I don't have FM but somethng else the doctors failed to pick up.

Hmmm, if you feel down, and am not sure what to say to others, take a nap, if you can. Then you may feel better and the problem may just become a non-issue (with some luck) or, you may be more decisive abt your next move. Problem is we only get this luxury on a weekend (for those still well enough to work). Gd luck!

mfry32 · 07-28-2002, 10:21 AM

Thanks so much for the info. I feel better about the
whole situation now. Well, no; but at least, it's a
more positive answer.