Hi Lovestar
I wish I had an answer for you but I don't so I thot I would just commiserate with you!
I too have a family that is less then understanding. I've been struggling with them over the last year or two, trying to get validation & realize its a lost cause. When I was first diagnosed with fibro, they convinced me that the doctors were wrong & that fibromyalgia was a mental illness that only "hypochondrics" get. So for the first year after I was diagnosed, I was in denial myself about having fibromyalgia which is a bad place to be. Therefore, I wasn't taking care of myself or pacing myself the way that I should be. As time went by and the symptoms worsened I realized that I had to have fibromyalgia as all other related diseases/conditions had been exluded through medical tests. I have to say that being in denial was easier in some ways. Once I accepted that I had fibro I had to live like I had fibro. Which meant pacing my activities & saying "no" sometimes. That was where the real problems started with my family. My family goes back & forth between saying "fibro isn't real" to "i know someone who has it & they live a perfectly normal life so you should be able to" as well as "you could cure yourself if you ate better and/or exercised more". So when they would call to ask if I wanted to go somewhere or come to dinner & I was flared up I was in a tuff spot. You see, if I go even tho I don't feel well, then I hear "whats wrong with you? why you so quiet?" And if I don't go then they are upset & quit inviting me to go.
The advice I have been given from friends who are supportive & understand what i'm going thru is to downplay your symptoms & quite trying to get them to validate your feelings. I know this can be easier said then done & it hurts terribly to not have support ---- and most of all from family. But there are just some people who aren't going to understand. There has been so much miseducation about fibro & unfortunately, some still believe it is some form of mental illness or hysteria.
I have gotten to a point where I just don't talk to my mom about my illness. If i'm on the phone with her & she asks how i'm doing, I tell her i'm fine even if i'm aching from head to toe!!! Thats what she wants to hear so thats what I tell her. If I have to vent, I do it at my support group or my boyfriend who luckily for me is very compassionate & understanding about what i'm going through. I think that just like the doctors we choose, you need a support system available to you so you know that you aren't the only one who is suffering. And if your family isn't supportive, avoid the subject with them & get it where you can. It's important that you share your feelings with people who aren't going to judge or criticize you when your at your lowest.
That being said, I wish you the best
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