bluelakelady.....a few questions - Fibromyalgia Message Board

tattoogirl · 02-23-2008, 02:20 PM

Hi blue it's Bella

.

The lawyer called me regarding the SSI but we didn't talk. I am calling him back on Monday. I thought maybe you could help me figure out where to start when I talk to him. I have a bunch of medical records but not all of them. And still waiting to get any psych. records. I am just so nervous. Do you know how the conversation may go? Is there a certain way to explain things to him? My memory is so bad now and sometimes I have a hard time formulating my thoughts. I just want to make sure I handle this correctly since I am so desperate for this help. It just all kinda scary. Any help would be appreciated.

Bella

bluelakelady · 02-23-2008, 10:17 PM

hi bella,
first of all be honest. if you feel scared tell him that. if you feel overwhelmed by it all tell him. if you get upset and want to cry, do it. he has to see you as you really are so don't try to be stronger than you are. take someone with you for your consult. two pair of ears are better than one and often your ears may miss something the others catch.
take your records that you do have. he will have you sign releases for medical info. he will take longer to get your records. he has to jump thru the hoops. he will also be able to get your psych records or at the very least a letter from your shrink. most shrinks do not give out copies of your file. they write letters instead. protects you from the aspects of your emotional history that do not pertain to this case.
most of all realize this person is on your side. your voice and brain for now.
my daddy used to say if a person was intimidating to you to just imagine them sitting on the toilet, sleepy gunk in their eyes. it has served me well. i always end up laughing and the fear evaporates. my dad was a pretty sharp man.
please let me know how it goes. i will be with you on monday. i will be your breath.
mostly it is alot of questions about you.
there is no specific way to tell your story. just tell it honestly and as clearly as you can. it is okay if you get confused. he is used to that.
don't be scared my friend. doing this is a thousand times easier than living with fibro is and much less stressful.
sweet dreams,
blue

tattoogirl · 02-24-2008, 10:35 AM

Thank you. I will just be open and honest and I used to always try to "be strong" but honestly now I couldn't muster that even if I tried. I am trying to make an appointment to meet with him on a Saturday since my parents work all week. I definitely need their help. It helps too because my dad is a physician and my mom a nurse and they have witnessed all my issues. I finally got an appointment with a new Rheumatologist. I have another question. I have a had a problem off and on with alcohol which began after I had my son when I had post-partum depression which turned into psychosis. I have had periods of sobriety but when my PTSD symptoms would get real bad (flashbacks, major panic etc...) I can/have self-medicated. Will this be a problem? I will be 100% honest. My parents are fully aware of everything too. Often rape/abuse flashbacks, night terrors etc..would come back so severe I would lose it. I have been honest with my doctors too so it is contained in my medical records. Will this pose a problem? When I was on SSI in the past I assume they would have known. I had been in and out of psychiatric wards and that info must have been in my records. Sorry I just feel panicky about this. I will just keep on thinking what you told me. And just give as much info as I can and have someone help me if I need it. Thank your help means a lot to me!

.

Bella

bluelakelady · 02-25-2008, 08:15 AM

hi bella,
our tie that binds, a common experience. rape and abuse. i was 14. i also found ways to self abuse trying to numb myself. i love you little sister of experience.
do you still drink? is it binging when you have flashbacks or a daily thing? if you have quit, how many days clean and sober do you have?
you are not applying due to alcohol related illness. that matters in your favor. be honest, it is all you can do. especially about the why behind the alcohol.
i used to have a mantra i would say when the dreams would wake me screaming. i used to say, it's just a dream. they are not here. it's just a dream. i would fall back to sleep saying, i am a good girl.
i used to see men that reminded me of them and freak out, turn and run. not anymore. not for years. in time it gets easier.
peace, love, healing,
blue

tattoogirl · 02-25-2008, 12:49 PM

Hi....bluelakelady...I do the same thing at night by praying. Sometimes I fear sleep so much my body won't allow me to sleep. I do not drink every day. I "relapse" every once in awhile (bingeing). Not like in the past when I had some serious psychosis and flashbacks and drank daily at points (HORRIBLE) I am constantly working on sobriety. At one point I was sober over 2 1/2 years and the panic/anxiety was HELL...thought it was supposed to get better. There was many a nights I slept in my closet or fully clothed...boots and all...feet planted on floor. I became anorexic/bulemic because I was freaking so much I had to keep going. And I definitely cornered the market on self-abuse. Gosh we sure can put ourselves through a lot.

I get a few months here and there now. Much better than before though. I haven't had anything in a couple weeks. I don't even like drinking at all. Doesn't even feel good EVER. It is definitely a self-medicating issue.

I talked to the lawyer today

...thank God I built up the courage to do that! You helped me with your kind words. And ya I did break down a few times and I was o.k. about it like you said. I was 100% honest about everything. He said, regarding the alcohol, that I must remain sober and they will test me if they decide to accept my application.

The lawyer and I talked for like a hour and he seemed helpful. It was pretty intense! I will be calling the SS office to get an on the phone interview. I will call tomorrow so I can collect my thoughts because I had a psychologist appointment today already and a counseling group tonight....so I am kinda burnt for today

.

Thanks soooooo much

. I will let you know how things go.

Bella

PS: Last night I had a bad panic attack...couldn't sleep but 3 hours. But facing the fear was a good thing. It wasn't as bad as my mind was making it. My mind was just racing with what if's and everything else under the sun. Plus reading a bunch of my past med/psych history, to prepare for today, didn't help