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Old 02-26-2008, 10:34 PM   #1
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Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

I fake it just to stay vertical and to tolerate the charmed ones, you know the types...

The ones without any pain who, painless, fall off to sleep and snore so loud it's like a slap in the face to one who can't sleep through the pain of arms that feel like the skin is being ripped from the bone and a neck that won't let go of its tension.

The ones who, painless, are such stellar non-whiners, ready to offer all manner of advice and comment on how to live a positive life, on how to live that wonderful attitude of gratitude, on how to have faith.

The ones who heal, the ones who feel better with a couple of motrin, the ones who get that new lease on life after the something that got sick gets well. I was slammed onto a concrete floor and got a concussion a couple of weeks ago. Anybody with this stuff (fibromyagia, myofacial pain) can just imagine my incredible astonishment at finding Darvocet and motrin to actually improve the pain from the concussion. So this is how the charmed ones do it, this is how they can actually live life without being a fake.

The ones who have exciting work and play, because they still can work and play; you know, the ones who look down their noses at their less "hard working" counterparts, at the ones who work an eight-hour day just trying to stay vertical.

The ones who pressure you for sex because they are ready to feel alive again, without even the slightest care of how that goes over on one who can feel little but pain and guilt and terror. For the first three weeks on Lyrica, I could feel good things again and it was like heaven as I could once again share life with my charmed husband. As the euphoria waned, I learned it was a known short-term side-effect. Trust me, it takes an incredible fake to get up the next day with such a fresh reminder of what a complete has-been this "fake" is now.

 
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Old 02-27-2008, 12:54 PM   #2
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

How long has it been since you were diagnosed with FMS? Your charmed husband needs to go to the doctor with you to learn, first-hand, the issues you are dealing with. These words coming from your mouth probably will not work. He has heard all sorts of talk while you were going through the process of getting a diagnosis. He is tired of those words and, at the same time, he is mourning the loss of the woman he married. He is hoping that if he keeps going with life the way it was when things were golden, then he will be happy and maybe this rough road will even out. But somewhere on the enchanted road that he has imagined he has lost his dear wife in a bad position. And being bitter will make things worse for both of you.

Try a marriage counselor - one that understands chronic illness. It's time for both of you to get off of this bumpy road and for you to release your anger so you can move on to the next chapter of your life. I know that probably sounds like a brain and heart transplant at this time, but it is very possible (I personally know it is possible).

I really feel for you. I've gone through the same valley.

Blessings,
Kirstee

 
Old 02-28-2008, 03:54 AM   #3
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Thanks, Kirstee. I shouldn't have posted that yesterday--I couldn't sleep because of my blasted arms and hands hurting so much, but this website provided the balm I needed--my first time on it. We did just find out what was causing all the pain--fibro, myofacial pain, carpal tunnel, etc. Sometimes I need way too much and I take things wrong when I'm hurting bad. My husband is golden. I personally tried to find my own counselor that specializes in chronic pain and anger management last month, but the insurance got in the way. I need to just get back to trying.

Thanks again.

Last edited by baserockermom; 02-28-2008 at 06:11 AM.

 
Old 02-28-2008, 06:23 AM   #4
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

So Sorry for your pain baserockermom. Just come here and vent. There are plently of people here that understand.
georgi

 
Old 02-28-2008, 06:37 AM   #5
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Thanks tons, Georgi.

 
Old 02-28-2008, 08:37 AM   #6
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Good morning BRM.
I was the girl who wrote no compassion from spouse, i think its on page 3 or 4 now. It was during a definate tough week but more of a tough day and night. My hubbys pretty good also but when we get mad and frustrated at them for whatever reason we just have to let it go somewhere.

I was happy i found this message board, now i can do mostly reading and understand that there really are people in our boats. I was starting to think i was the only one that was going thru this, i was sounding like a broken record at home. Then i found this message board, its a big relief in its own way.........

I was so sick of hearing my daughter say " Are you going to clean the house today?" she's 24 and i know she works two jobs and goes to college. I have tried to explain it a million times and everytime i ask her if she has read up on Fibro yet ? , Her answer is no! She never has time, but you know she has time for myspace,she cant help me clean downstairs but when her boyfriend is coming over for a visit, she cleans her room and her bathroom upstairs. She used to say she was embarrassed to bring him and her friends over, so i told her, then dont bring them over! You know thats probably so she can bad mouth me and say see i told you my mom is lazy......... so i have learned to ignore her and believe me thats what i do for the most part. Not to be rude or not because i dont love her. I feel like she ignores my condition, so instead of stressing myself out anymore i handle it as i see fit.

So if she comes home and im not in the mood cause im not feeling well, i go in my room. Now i notice she comes in to talk with me. She used to say "Whats wrong with you?" Well actually she still does and i tell her, i dont feel good. she says "you never feel good" and as frustrating as it is, i say, and your right i never do. What would you like me to do about it right now? Or anything else you would like to annoy me with ? So that kinda of broke the ice a bit, after months of this, she's not so hard on me anymore. She calls me cranky now and tries to make me laugh. Everyday is different for both of us, but were better adjusted to one another.

I think we all get mad at our friends family and spouses at one point, even if its only out of our frustration for not feeling well but we must all learn how to deal with it, on our own terms, like i just explained about my own daughter. And to be honest were all the same but different in so many ways if that makes sense, some have more understanding friends family and spouses, some of us dont.

Its the same when it comes to meds. We must learn to see which one works for us and which ones don't. Even when it comes to how much. We discovered i have a high tolorance and need higher doses to make me feel better. Which by the way i have been taking for a few weeks now and have so much relief from the way i was feeling before, when i wrote the no compassion thread.........Yes i feel like a very lucky person at the moment, but im still having my bad times also.

I dont discuss my condition with too many of my friends too often because its tough for them or anyone that doesnt suffer from it to understand, and its so hard to try and explain it sometimes. so if they drop by unexpectly and im feeling embarrassed because of my house, i usually apoligize and say i havent been feeling the greatest lately. They say im not here to see your house. The ones that choose to judge me and talk behind my back when they leave, well thats their problem not mine ! I'm slowly learning stuff. So dont be hard on yourself, i still get hard on myself once in awhile, but then have these little chats with myself and believe me there are very kind people here that will listen and understand every complaint you may inquire, so your in a good place now. Sorry i went on and on but i just wanted to help ease your feeling a little bit......... My hubbys not the most understanding person when it comes to my condition but i love him anyway. It hard for both of us but hang in there and cross your fingers like i cross mine half the time

 
Old 02-28-2008, 08:46 AM   #7
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Ok, sweetjersey girl, I feel better now. I read your previous post and we must be twins. I'm sure of it.

There is nothing I hate worse than knowing what kind of mom this stuff has reduced me to being. I was never a good housekeeper, but even I surprise myself these days. I hate company; I always see my house through their eyes and cringe. And, other than here, I hate telling anyone I'm sick. When I first went on Lyrica, I told my son's best friend's mom (confused yet?) what had been going on all these years. We've known each other for ten years and she never knew how disabled I felt. I hate being sick. But I guess you're right. If they really are friends, then they will look beyond it. I just feel like I'm one excuse after another some days.

Thanks sweetjerseygirl.

Last edited by baserockermom; 02-28-2008 at 08:52 AM.

 
Old 02-28-2008, 09:33 AM   #8
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by baserockermom View Post
Ok, sweetjersey girl, I feel better now. I read your previous post and we must be twins. I'm sure of it.

There is nothing I hate worse than knowing what kind of mom this stuff has reduced me to being. I was never a good housekeeper, but even I surprise myself these days. I hate company; I always see my house through their eyes and cringe. And, other than here, I hate telling anyone I'm sick. When I first went on Lyrica, I told my son's best friend's mom (confused yet?) what had been going on all these years. We've known each other for ten years and she never knew how disabled I felt. I hate being sick. But I guess you're right. If they really are friends, then they will look beyond it. I just feel like I'm one excuse after another some days.

Thanks sweetjerseygirl.
You made me laugh, thanks. Who knows twins in different states but i can bet we have two different accents Most people think im from New York, thats how heavy my accent is !!! Im so glad to hear you say your feeling better today, we have to take what we can get, whenever we can get it, you take care of yourself and all the other stuff will work out one way or another, thats what i tell myself.....Have a great day ! And your very welcome, anytime

 
Old 02-28-2008, 11:43 AM   #9
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Hey my dad was raised in the Bronx and I did my own little stint up your way. The accents are hilarious. I used to show-and-tell my cousins.

 
Old 02-28-2008, 02:07 PM   #10
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by baserockermom View Post
Hey my dad was raised in the Bronx and I did my own little stint up your way. The accents are hilarious. I used to show-and-tell my cousins.
Okay, I can really relate to your first post here and I know you are feeling better and I am really happy for you... I am so very glad that I found this thread though because I am really angry, not at anyone here, just really angry right now and needed to vent and hope you all don't mind....

I too have our lovely little friend, fibro, chronic myofascial pain, hypermobility, severe migraines, BiPolar 1 (which it is still not under control and the good Lord knows I try) and just found out that along with all of this I now have gastritis, IBS and divirticulitis which are my most recent new friends .

I just remarried a little over 2 years ago and oh how sweet he was... He had been married two times before, me once however, his first to wives had never worked outside of the home. Myself, I had always worked outside of the home and was one of those Type A Personalities, brought work home, stayed over, worked weekends, the whole nine yards. He didn't know what to think when I got ready for work everyday because he had never experienced anything like that before.... I worked with our wicked little friend, fibro and the misdiagnosed BiPolar for a long time, the fibro for over ten years and the misdiagnosed BiPolar for over 20 years....

In June of 2006, I suffered from some TIA strokes, then had a mental breakdown, which I was admitted to a mental hospital at which time I was diagnosed with BiPolar and have been working ever since to find the right med combo but haven't given up. The fibro took a turn for the worse and I haven't been able to return to work. My doctor's said it would be best to file for SSD which I did in November 2006 and am still waiting for my hearing with the Judge after being turned down. So, I sit in this box of a house everyday and do nothing but wait for each doctor's appointment every month.

I am sorry this is so long but I am so pi**ed off and really need to vent. I don't have any friends and I have wonderful parents but if I talk to them, they would go off on my husband... When I could no longer work, he said he understood and that it was no problem. He knows that I have appointments every month with my Pain doc, psychiatrist, therapist each and every month.

No, my house is not the cleanest in the world but I do the best I can. I keep the laundry done and take my son back and forth to school. I save my strength for the important stuff like my son's basketball games or my doctor's appointments. My parents moved about 90 miles away so I save myself for trips to see them when I have the money for gas which is not to often anymore.

When my husband heard all the diagnoses, he said he understood and he tells me to take it easy and not to worry about the house and things like that. I don't cook dinner very often due to the fact I forget about it and either burn it or turn the stove on and don't put anything in there. I do the best I can.

I am on alot of meds due to the fibro, migraines, digestive issues and BiPolar problems. All of my doctor's are aware of what each of them prescribe to me. I have gotten books about fibro and BiPolar to help him understand and he said he doesn't like to read... I print out short articles, he doesn't want to read those either... I write letters to him trying to help him understand, he doesn't need to read those either.... I have asked him to go to my doctor's appointments with me, he doesn't have time. He works on commission and does not have to sit at a desk all day so it is not like he can't go with me, he chooses not to. My therapist has asked that he come for over a year, he always says he will and that I just need to remind him so I tell him a month in advance, a week in advance, a couple of days in advance, the night before and the morning of and he will say I can't just take off today you should have told me sooner.

He started drinking really heavy and I told him I couldn't deal with it and that is the reason I left my first husband, he said that he just liked the taste of whiskey and didn't have to have it but it was his crutch just like my meds were my crutch to get through the day.... I took my pill dispenser and through it across the room.... Then I had to pick up all the pills and he said look at that pile of pills... I said do you know what any of them are for??? He said no and he didn't want to know. He said the doctor's have me on too many, I said well I told you to go to any of my appointments you want me to and you can tell them they have me on to many.... He quit drinking again but I know all about the dry drunk theory.... How dare he compare his drinking to my meds.... I don't even take all the meds and I explained that to him but he wasn't listening to that.

He acts like he cares so much but he has no clue what I go through day in and day out.... I have no friends, so I do nothing but sit in this house all day long.... I get trigger point injections every 28 days and he knows that I am usually really not well the following day however, one of his daughters has a doctor's appointment the day after I get my injections in March and she doesn't want to go along and so he had her to call me to go with her because it is a female issue and her mom is dead so he told her I would go. It usually kills me to be in a car the day after the injections. So how much does he really care.

I feel like I am stuck.... When I started having all these digestive issues and had to have an Upper GI and a colonoscopy, he said he couldn't get off work, I told him that I would not have my dad drive 180 miles round trip because he didn't want to take off work so he would need to call in sick.... The doctor went out and talked to him when it was over and said that I needed to talk to my other doctors and quit taking some of my meds because it was causing some of my problems and he said yeah she is on way to many meds.... Lo and behold, the GI doctor puts me on 4 new meds.... Go figure....

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. He came in last night and I had just got his cell phone bill and I told him I was not paying it... I said they are charging for calls that were made to your work number that they are not supposed to be charging you for.... I was going through the bill and he says let me see it and starts to take it, I said I am working on it and so the sh*t hit the fan. He had come home from work because his phone had died and decides he is going back to work... I said what did your phone charge up in 3 minutes... He leaves comes back, stays for about 15 minutes leaves again for about 2 hours and comes back.

It is like everything is about him... I have never in my life wanted to hit somebody so bad... My kids are 20 and 16 and I think they were about ready to knock him out. I don't like when he starts something and then he thinks he is the poor little victim. He said everything was my fault because I jumped him as soon as he walked in the door.... Then today he calls and says he needs my password for Nextel because he was talking to his boss and he told him somebody was going to pay his cell phone bill and it wasn't going to be him. I am thinking to myself, oh you can go off on somebody about it but if I bring it up to you, its not okay.

Okay, I will quit for now... For all of you who have read all of this, I truly appreciate it... If any of you have any suggestions, I would be very appreciative for that also....

I hope you all have a pain-free day.... Jenn

 
Old 02-28-2008, 02:57 PM   #11
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

baserockermom, I read your post and I know this all too well. I get judged all the time by my husband -you could have worse things like cancer or your medication is making you sick not your illnesses , my family -she stays home has 2 boys and can not clean her house! and- I work full time, put my child in daycare and can still come home and have a spotless house why can't she do it or I have pain, everybody has pain why does she have to take narcotic medications , and even my dad, who is just innocent and old fashioned -can't you just take an aspirin.

I am sick and tired of being not believed that I have serious pain. I have pain from on the tip of my toes, or my middle left finger, lol, lower arms and lower arms feeling like I am gumby, being stretched and being poked at the same time, and totally in pain. Or that I want to pop my head off when I have a migraine, and last of all when I cannot move my neck and shoulders because my left side face mucscles are in spasms, I cannot open my mouth and my teeth, ear, and face are throbbing. Oh and I have a 2 and 4 year old screaming, "I want milk, NOW". Everytime I get off the couch or out of bed, I am sore and look like I am 90. I am 31.

I am calm now. I have tmj, myofascial pain syndrome and now fibromyalgia. My husband tells me, I am not making big girl decisions, and I am not providing a happy home. I try my best, I really do. My boys are happy, and healthy, and I am with them 100%. I have decided that as long I as I go to bed everynight and know I did my best, I am not letting anybody put me down or second guess me.

I am sorry lyrica was only a quick fix, oh how I wish it would have stayed working and you could have had your life back. I want that so badly, and I have only been battling it for 7 months. It all hit me so fast, but looking back extreme stress caused it. Good luck and thank you for your post. I feel better, and it was nice to vent. I completely know what you mean.

Last edited by gorgee; 02-28-2008 at 02:58 PM.

 
Old 02-29-2008, 08:15 AM   #12
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Jenn4508 and Kass3175, I hate that you are going through so very much pain and feeling so very alone in it. That's what started this thread for me. If it makes you feel any better, when I tell my kids it's time to eat, they get in the car. When people ask me what I do, I never say I'm a homemaker anymore; I always say "I'm a house squatter" or "I sit around all day eating bon bons and watching soaps, and you?"

Jenn4508 I bet you felt like hanging that GI doc up to dry! Dang you finally get the hub to an appt. and the doc feeds his fire. Dang that! And adds 4 meds to boot, what hypocrisy! And going to his daughter's appt. after your injections... a) I don't see how you physically did that and b) I don't see how you did that! I wish your husband could have seen that you were just trying to help with your suggestion on the phone bill. He obviously eventually saw the truth in your statement when he was on his own.

Kass3175, I have what you have. The Lyrica has been a great fix for the reducing the migraines and tmj and a bunch of other stuff. The euphoria just didn't last, and I do appreciate your mourning that with me. "Can't you just take an aspirin?" Oh man. That ought to help that razor blade in your temple, oh sure! The guys just don't understand the pain and don't like hearing about it if they can't fix it. If you live with them long enough, they might inevitably go through something, even if their something only lasts days. My father-in-law used to cut his wife down like your's does you until he had strokes. Now he understands the desire to quit, the need to be understood, the pain, etc. Still, he won't listen to anyone else's story. I feel more loved by him than just about anyone, but he's always been that way. You keep doing your best with those kids and keep letting the rest wait no matter the consequences in insults. You've got the right idea, there, and don't believe any other input on that one.

I personally don't think there is a person out there that can understand the half of it to the depth we so desperately need unless they have gone through it. Y'all have been that person to me and I thank you! I do believe there is healing in being heard, in releasing some of the anguish and terror.

So far as suggestions, Jenn4508, my only one is to remember that "where there is understanding, there is peace". I don't think any of us should give up on being honest. I nearly threw the book across the room several times, but Dr. Laura's "How to Feed a Husband" helped me get back on my husband's side one time when I was completely out of love. It eventually ended up in the garbage... only so much of that you can take. Deborah Tannen's "You Just Don't Understand" was the absolute best, but even that didn't address a need so big as this pain creates. I think this forum does, though.

Take care!

 
Old 02-29-2008, 03:40 PM   #13
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by baserockermom View Post
Hey my dad was raised in the Bronx and I did my own little stint up your way. The accents are hilarious. I used to show-and-tell my cousins.

Hey you goofin on me ? Hope your feeling better today, they put my dog on Tramadol , i had to laugh, i said to the vet, we'll be taking the same thing for a few days. He pulled his femor bone playing with our other dog, they play rough and he's already had surgery on that hip ! Poor thing, see even our beloved pets go thru stuff, he's resting on my bed with the heating pad on him, hubby just walked in and said "oh mommy has you spoiled today" Hey maybe he'll get the hint Have a great weekend !

 
Old 03-01-2008, 04:34 AM   #14
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Cool Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Yeah, I take it all back!

 
Old 03-01-2008, 09:29 AM   #15
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Re: Oh, but it'd take a fake to live with the charmed ones.

Okay my fellow friends, I am not looking for a pity party as most things really get to the point that I just have to laugh after a while but it seems that I can only come here to let it out.... I have had this place on my hand for close to 2 years and went to my GP last April about it... He thought it was ringworm and tried to treat it as such, it never went away, so I just let it be... Well, it kept growing and it kind of hurt as it had little nodules on it... So about a month ago, I go back to the GP and he says well I guess you really need to see a dermatologist, as you know he also was the one that sent me to the GI doctor.... So yesterday, I go see the dermatologist... He asked how long I have had this... I said you want the truth, he said yeah, I said about two years and explained what the GP had treated it for.... He asked if I had any on my elbows, I said yeah they come and go but I don't have any now.... He asked why I hadn't come to the dermatologist before now.... I said well, I guess I see enough docs and really didn't want to add another to my resume... He started laughing.... Then he looked at my med list and said you take all these meds? I said not always like I am supposed to but yes, He said Holy Sh**, I said now you know why I didn't want to add another doc.... He said well this isn't ringworm it is Granuloma Annularae and we will do a biopsy and put a couple of stitches in and go from there... So he numbed it up, let me read up on it while waiting for it to get numb, did the biopsy, and put three stitches in... He said normally these show up in someone who has diabetes or RA, what a great freakin thing to tell me. He asked if it ran in my family, I said my grandma has diabetes and my dad has RA.... He said well I am going to give you something for this, I said if it is a pill forget it, he said no it is drops to put on it.... I will see you in a week to get the stitches out....

He was really nice but to here what may go along with this really pi**ed me off... I got to the car and felt like putting my fist right through the roof or windshield but then thought better due to the stitches.... He said alot of time they go away on their own but it can take up to two years, I have had this one for two years and it just keeps growing. If it ain't one thing, its ten others, and so the story goes.....

I appreciate everyones support, I don't take my husband's daughter until this week on Thursday after my injections on Wednesday... Oh, and so she makes sure she gets up on time, she is going to spend the night Wednesday night.. How lovely.... I just can't wait.... On top of that the doc she is going to my husband knows I can't stand him.... And another thing, he is retiring or so his daughter thinks and he as well but what they don't know, is he was asked to leave... See I have inside track information... I knew he wasn't a good doc. What dumba**es... Who is the joke on now....

Everyone try to have a pain free day... I am going to watch my son's basketball games... Jenn

 
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