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Old 03-28-2008, 04:16 AM   #1
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Lonely

Just had to ask if anyone else is feeling lonely?I thank all you girls for listening and taking time out of your busy days to reply to me,I just want you to know how much I appreciate you all.If I had 1 wish I would wish to take all of our pain away.you are all terrific people and one thing is for sure you must have to be very special people to get this syndrome.Iam married and yet I am very lonely I have two adult children living in the house 5 dogs and 1 parrot,the animals keep me going,3 dogs are mine and 2 are my daughters,the parrot is both of ours,I spend almost all my time with the animals,who I love of course and all my time when there home with children.and yet Iam still lonely ,my husband is addicted to the computer,and recently realized thats the best place for him,thats so sad,but true.it never really bothered me before but getting older you really do contemplate.Kass I am thinking of you and praying for you to feel better,please forgive me if i said anything out of line.I think Iam losing my filter.Everbody else I hope you are all doing better and make the right choices I know it is very hard.Have a great day everbody you are wonderfull people. marywoo

 
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Old 03-28-2008, 06:57 AM   #2
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Re: Lonely

Lonely and very angry, some days, Marywoo. Missed you the past few days.

 
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Old 03-28-2008, 07:57 AM   #3
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bluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB Userbluelakelady HB User
Re: Lonely

nothing feels sadder than being lonely in a relationship. i know this feeling well. i do not live it anymore. realized i like being alone better than being lonely.
one does get to thinking as one ages. needs and priorities change, often while those around us are unaware of our changing selves.
i too love my animals and spend a good bit of time with them. i like my time alone here at home, just doing my thing. my world does not revolve around someone else. it is just about living, laughing and being the best me i know how. oh, and doctors of course, giggle.
you are not alone in your lonely boat. there are many women with you. some men too. it happens. what to do about it? that is a very individual thing and only you can decide what your future will hold.
peace,
bluelakelady

 
Old 03-28-2008, 08:54 AM   #4
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Re: Lonely

Marywoo
I wasn't going to log in today but the Lord was leading me to and then I read your post.
I'm so deeply sorry. I want to let you know that you aren't alone. I know it's hard to be lonely in a relationship. Mine goes from cold to openly hostile towards me and even though I have the kids it isn't the same as having a supportive and loving partner.
I don't know your faith but let me tell you, no matter what it is, God is with you. I know it may seem cliche and sometimes it isn't enough to comfort but try to remember that He is there with you always. When you feel down you should come on these boards and link with people who understand what you're feeling.
I know all of this will not fill that void of an unfulfilled relationship but it will help.
and animals are supposed to be great therapy and I think they (dogs esp) are very in tune with how a person is feeling. I remember watching a show about a dog that could sense when his boy was going to have an attack of some kind and actually saved his life on a regular basis.
I want to give you hugs from Cali {{{{{{{{{{Marywoo}}}}}}}}} } and I hope you feel better. I hope for a great day for all of us.

 
Old 03-28-2008, 11:05 AM   #5
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Re: Lonely

i feel lonely about 80% of the time. i've been married for 37 yrs, my hubby is 64 and retired for 4 yrs now. i am 58 and have all the dx's that cause severe pain. we have separate bedroom...he snores loud and throws himself all over the place when he's sleeping..i don't need the extra pain of sleeping with him. we don't eat together except on holidays, we both have a tray in our room that we eat off of. most of his time is spent watching tvthere's so much i need done around the house that i can not do anymore.
we moved to florida when he retired, it is better weather for my fibro, arthritis etc. we came down from mass....we still have a daugter in mass, and a son in nh, so my grand children are still up there...we have our youngest son down here, he is engaged and living with his fiance. he works 6 days a wk, then he has to cut his lawn and do things around the house. we might have a visit from them, maybe 2x a month.
my legs are so bad for 2 wks now, i even stumble with my cane.
one good thing is, now that he is retired is he can help me more now, even giving me me massages!sorry this was so long..feel good soon..bevann

 
Old 03-28-2008, 11:39 AM   #6
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Re: Lonely

(((((((((((((((HUGS MARY)))))))))))))))))) XXX yes! alot of the time as you can guarantee when my friends plan something lm ill and cannot take part thinking of you all xxx

 
Old 03-29-2008, 08:19 PM   #7
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Re: Lonely

Marywoo,

I know what you mean about your husband being on the computer all the time. It has become his main interest. When I first married my husband, it was like that. I never saw him. His priority was his computer. So, I decided that my friends were to my priority. He found out that I had found other interest myself and when he was hungry I wasn't there, I would wash my own clothes and leave his there. Then one day he wanted to talk. He asked me why I was never home and why things weren't done in the house. The clothes etc.... I just mentioned that when we married we said everything would be half and half and we would always be there for one another. I told him your priority was your compter and it should've been me. So, I also made my own priorities. He apolgized and we had a very long talk and the next few months we began working together on our priorities. Putting ourselves on the very top of the list. I told him I didn't marry him to spend my life alone. That really hit home. We have been married for 14 years now and we never had that conversation again. I hope that you will be able to comunnicate with your husband, I wish you the best. I feel for you, I wish I could be there just to give you the hugs and be there for you.

M

xx

 
Old 03-30-2008, 07:48 AM   #8
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Re: Lonely

Marywoo, thank you for thinking about me. I am doing better than Thursday, that day was horrible. I had so much body pain in my joints and muscles. I just layed on the couch curdled up. Looking back, my days got worse and worse as the week went by, and I think they just built up to a terrible day on Thursday. I think the lyrica is helping a little bit. I took my first pill Thursday night, so I have had 6 pills so far. I do think I need a higher dose, I am on 75 mg. I had an okay day yesterday, I did some housework and walked on the treadmill in the morning, then I went grocery shopping with the boys. When I came back, my body started to be in horrible pain in my legs and feet. I had to push myself, my husband is sick with a horrible cold, and asked for homeade soup. I went to the grocery store to get some stuf for the soup,and had to cut up the veggies. My hands were shaking, I was kind of doing a gotta go pee dance because my feet hurt so bad. So I overdid it, but made the soup, and could barely walk the rest of the day. I have got to stick to my body schedule and not do too much. Friday was my best day, I rested a lot, but did small chores, and then went back to rest. I felt the best that day. Do you notice that too, and have you made a schedule for yourself so you feel the best?

My husband has been in bed since Friday. Friday he was in bed all day, and he calls me on his cell phone when he needs something. He did not go to work on Friday night, he runs a nightclub, and Saturday he got out of the house for 30 min to run an errand and went back to bed for the rest of the day until 9pm. He did go to work, he cannot miss Saturday nights they are too busy, and today we are not going to church, he is still sick and is staying in bed today too. So I have seen my husband maybe 1 hour since Friday. I guess you can say I am lonely, but being on here and talking to you all helps so much, more than I can ever write about. I really do not have any friends, maybe 1 or 2, and they are not close anymore. I talk to my 2 and 4 year old, and I do have my sister and you all would like her so much. She lives about an hour away. She has come up and taken care of me and the boys when I am having a hard pain day or two. She is busy and runs our family business with my dad, so I really can't talk to her too much during the week.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband took the computer away, and wanted to take away things from me, like computer, van, and the boys. I was so scared. The reason he took the computer away was because I was on here and he went in and found my posts and printed off everyone of them. He even read some of them to me over the phone. I had talked about him in my posts and had asked for help from you all on how to help my husband understand and asked how your husbands handle our health problems. I was so upset, and I thought that was it, and our marriage was over. It has not been easy for awhile, and it feels it got worse when I started to not feel good in September. I felt so betrayed, and it was really horrible. I even called an attorney and was going to start the divorce process. Well somehow, by the miracle of god, it worked out ok, and my husband apolgized for coming in here, and now has said it is ok for me to post and talk to you all. He said that if it helps me then that is a wonderful thing. I do love and look forward to being on here, and everybody here has helped me so much. It makes me feel llike I have a full fledged bunch of friends and family who help me, care about me and are here for me.

A couple of days later he was looking for something, and found one of my journals I had placed in the laundry area. He woke me up at 2 am and asked me to talk to him. I was nervous when I saw the journal and thought I was in trouble and he was going to be mad. He read the journal from front to back and then he apologized for being such a terrible husband! I was shocked and amazed, and so relieved. Things have been much better, and I have been trying to be the best wife. He has promised he is not going to come in here and look at what I have written.

I love my husband with every part of me, but I was willing to leave it all, somehow start my life over, work somehow, have no health insurance, share the boys with my husband, and leave the life I have had for 9 years because it was that bad. When he read the posts I had wrote he was upset because he works so hard to provide for us, and I was writing bad things about him. He was right, he does do a fantastic job supporting us, and I was wrong, but I needed him to be my husband, my friend, my companion, and to take care of me, just like I am trying to do for him now when he is sick. He is doing a great job now, and even offers to watch the boys so I can lay down at night. I guess things had to get worse before they got better. I feel really bad calling the attorney, but it was that bad, and it has been not good for a long time. My husband kept calling me an addict, even to his family, which is a horrible thing to say, for I am not, and I take my medicine so responsibly. So I guess, throughout the whole last 7 months I have been lonely, and trying to do a lot of this all on my own, I am lucky my husband does provide for us and we have great health insurance, but I needed him to be with me. He now wants to go to my appts. and be part of my healthcare. I love it, and I feel so lucky, but it has been a long road.

I have written a novel, I know, but I know what it feels like to be lonely in many ways. The boys are great, but they are only, 2 and 4. I try to stay strong, and hold on to whatever good things I can. My husband is a wonderful man, and he is trying and he gets an A+. I am sure I am not the easiet person to live with, and me being sick is hard and certainly not planned for being only 31.

So thanks for reading this, and I wish I could take away all the lonelyness for everybody.
I love writing to all of you, and it helps me every single day.

Love,

Kassandra

 
Old 03-30-2008, 11:04 AM   #9
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Re: Lonely

First of all , wow Kass but i think im going to talk with you on the prayer thread. I loved your novel! Full of great honesty, very necessary. If i cannot do that right away, i will get to you, im so happy for your blessings and i mean that, im proud of you for hanging in there. We all know marriage is no picnic, its a lot of work. Work some of us really get to dreading !!!

Now my friend Marywood from the hood ! I like that a lot........being a Jersey girl how can i not ?
I'm sorry, i should have been the first one to answer your cry Friday morning, i read it so early in the morning and no one had answered you yet but i overdid it on Thursday and didnt write anything til Friday nite, where i also kept them somewhat brief. When i read what you wrote i was like "man that sounds like my ol man!" And i was stupid enough to get him that x-box 360 for Christmas, so now when he's done with the computer he goes directly to that! It started to cause real problems between us. I would be in one room and he would be in the living room. Well we still are but i'll get into that later on. He asked me a few times if i wanted to sit and watch him play and i was like "your kidding, right?" So i know the lonely feeling also, unfortunatly.......I also can sit here and write a novel, but i have energy today, so im going to do chores. I apoligize once again but i want to catch up with you soon, Promise. Mainly i want you to know im thinking of you, i feel for you and pray for your situation. We do have some catching up to do. I found out that your about my age ! I had a feeling about that! a 70's child huh ? L.O.L. You take care of yourself for now, hey did you hear what i just said? keep a smile on your pretty face as much as you can, hope you have a good day, and some of the pain has eased up a bit for you. we will talk soon luv SweetJerseyGirl

 
Old 03-30-2008, 11:53 AM   #10
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Re: Lonely

Marywoo, you keep you chin up! Do you know how much you mean to us? You do, you mean the world to all of us here. Just know that and keep that pretty smile on your face today. You are never lonely, with all of us here for you.

All my love,

Kassandra

 
Old 03-30-2008, 12:19 PM   #11
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Re: Lonely

Kass, that's wonderful news!! I'm so glad he's making an effort now and has apologized. It doesn't fix anything, but it does make coping easier.

I'm struggling with lonely too. My sister and I have wanted nothing more than to get married, all our lives. We've had our weddings planned since we were 8 and 9, all we need is a groom. The last 2 years we've watched most of our childhood friends get married, our younger brother is married, our cousins are getting married. And we're still looking. Last weekend was REALLY hard.

All I want in my life is to get married, have my own home and make a haven for my husband. Every year that goes by makes it harder to be patient. I'm already 25.

 
Old 03-30-2008, 03:51 PM   #12
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Re: Lonely

Grapedy, you will find your prince charming, just be patient. I promise, it will happen when you least expect it. It did for me. Do things for yourself now, and make you number 1. You need to get yourself settled and successful for yourself, and then an husband will come.

Being married is hard work, it is worth it, but your life will be changed, you are not only living for you, but now someone else.

You are fine, and beautiful. Just be patient.

Kassandra

 
Old 03-30-2008, 05:36 PM   #13
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Re: Lonely

Kass, I sure am glad for the changes in your home. I had so hoped a chapter would turn--you just never know when one will.

Marywoo, where are you kiddo? Are you okay?

Grapedy, I always wanted to be a missionary and I always wanted to get married and be a mom, and I remember saying the same words to God that you said to us here--that I would be so good for my guy. I remember so many nights of just anguished crying wanting it to come when it wouldn't. I was in love with an athiest and my brothers were so concerned they sent me to Bible college, so that guy always seemed out of reach because of my beliefs and my brothers. Bible college didn't exactly cure me. After I got out of it, my childhood friend introduced me to my husband, who played in the same band with him (another guy in the band, by the way, went on to become a huge hit and hugely famous-oooh, ah, huh?). Anyway, my husband was raised really rough, nothing like me. No peace, but always love. No nice words. Always conflict, and sometimes physical between his dad and his brothers. We got married and you couldn't have put together two people more opposite in this world--our world together became what his was at home. It was awful a lot of times, and Kass, I know that journal friend. I turned to it many a time, because I never wanted to tell my family or friends--I was so ashamed. Chapters turned. Things aren't perfect, but there is love. You and your sister have a hard road Grapedy, I would think, cause you're dad sounds just so great. Don't know if that's true, but it will be hard to find someone who can meet that bar, I bet. I remember my husband telling everyone he knew when he saw my 3 big brothers, he knew he better take care of me. It takes a brave (and sometimes downright ornery) man to get involved with a girl who's daddy figure is so strong. But I bet there's a couple of them out there, wishing the same as you and your sister. I bet one day you'll all find the loneliness was necessary to put you in the right frame of mind for the love you will find.

I feel lonely and angry and afraid almost every hour of the day, so immersed in regrets. Marriage is by no means the end-all to problems. This board and all of y'all help me feel less lonely, but so far I've not quite found what it takes to beat it. I've sniped a few people in my day because of not feeling understood, and I think I've separated myself from them before they could do it to me. Ah, well, such ramblings.

Marywoo--you okay? How'd you like the way Mista handled it at her home? What smarts. It'd take more guts than I have, but what smarts!

Last edited by baserockermom; 03-30-2008 at 06:05 PM.

 
Old 03-31-2008, 04:07 AM   #14
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Re: Lonely

Your all gems and very very supportive xxx Thank you x

 
Old 03-31-2008, 06:14 AM   #15
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Re: Lonely

You now why I was so upset about my husband taking away the laptop, was because I have come to be so excited about coming here. It is a huge part of my day, and it helps me take breaks, and just chat and relax. The boys are watching cartoons, coloring, or napping. I love talkig to you all, and I have nocticed a large difference in myself, I understand more about my health, and I have friends! I felt like I already don't have any friends here where I live, and my friends that I have made here on the computer are being taken away too. I felt so lonely. I had to fight hard, and really stick up for myself and say I have done nothing wrong. He kept saying what I was writing was bold face lies, but they weren't, I even swore on my mothers grave, they were the truth. He took a couple of days to realize what he saw, and he turned around. I was so nervous when the computer came back, and if I posted I kept it about me and basic. When he said you can go on the computer, and talk to your friends, I will not look anymore, and if that helps you, then that is great.

I felt lonely of lonliness, I hopes that makes since, I was at the lowest I have ever been, and I knew it was not fair. I am so glad it worked out. If you would have asked me at that time if it would, then I would have probaly said no. He got pretty deep into saying I was a terrible mother, and someday he was going to have to tell the boys why he had to take them away from me, and that he was going to call DHS on my family. I did not think it would work out, I thought OMG, this is horrible and I cannot do this anymore. I still can not understand why anybody would say that, and currently and before, I was and am there caretaker no matter what. I was so scared of losing the boys, I loved my husband, but things have been terrible, and not fair. It is horrible when you do not talk to anyone all day, and then your husband comes home and ignores you when you try to talk or kisses the boys and our dog, but I right there and not me. I have put my family through this roller coaster and asking for help. For now, the last past 2 weeks, it has been much different and wonderful. By the grace of god, I hope it stays that way. I am working on it 100%. I plan to be marriend to my husband for the rest of me life.

Grapedy, marriage is so much work sometimes, and just take your time.Make sure you cover your grounds, like make sure he has the same or close to religous beliefs, what he thinks of having your own life sometimes after your married, what he thinks about having children and about discipline, family and holidays, working and children, and your health, things like that. It is soooo important. I know 25 feels like your old, and you are going to be an single old lady, but your not. Mr right is around, stop looking, and relax. Do everything you want to do for you and your sister. Enjoy being together as much as you can. We are all here for you.

Marywoo, we all have each other! I bet that if you are ever lonely an minute of the day, one of us is on here and you can write and we will write right back! How great is that!

I love you all, and thank you so much for helping me everyday!

Kassandra

Last edited by gorgee; 03-31-2008 at 06:25 AM. Reason: spelling

 
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