Venting, do you feel it is one thing or another constantly? - Fibromyalgia Message Board

gorgee · 06-22-2008, 09:03 AM

To all my fellow, fibro friends, do you feel like it is one thing or another constantly. It is like you just get over a flare up of something, and then the costochrondritis comes back (I have already started a thread about this), and then the battle with life's issues like marriage.

As much as I want to tell my husband how I am feeling this morning with the back hurting and chest pain, I know it might hurt me more to tell him, and I might get made fun of, or critisized. Isn't that a horrible thing to say. I have been battling migraines since before my husband and I met, about 10 years ago, and now with more digging we have found that some of them might not be migraines, they are muscle spasms, temporal tendonitis that effect behind the left eyeball. Well, I have a course of meds that do help, and muscle relaxants, pain medications, and also ice packs, and eye patches to stop using the eye. The eye patches help a ton, and usually I wear a pair of sunglasses over the patch so it does not look so bad, and at night if it is bad, I wear the patch and then the black eye patch that looks like a pirate. Shutting the eye down helps the most.

It is a beautiful day out, about 75 and not a cloud in the sky, but I have no plans but to rest, and try to calm my back down. My husband is gone most of the week, tomorrow he is working to get a lot done, Tuesday he is taking his Mom to a red sox game in Boston and they are spending the night and will be back Wednesday and then work that night, Thursday he works and has church so we will not see him, Friday he is gone away for a golf tournament, and works that night, then Saturday he is sleeping, up for about 6 hours, takes a nap, then goes to work, and then on Sunday he is going on another trip with his family to a nascar race. I have gone with him the last 2 years, but this year he never invited me, I was hurt, and hurt about him taking his mom to the red sox game, when we have done nothing together for about a year. Should I be hurt? My life is not over, I would love to go a red sox game, have a break with my husband, his mom is off from school, so she could watch the boys, but he is taking his mom. Does anybody else have this to deal with and how would you handle it? It was so hard when I found out not to cry my eyes out.

He said, "did you forget you are sick." I said no, but my life is not over, and I would love to spend time with you. He said I don't want to be with you. I am not sure how to take that, we are strapped financially more than ever, and I think he is taking it out on me.

Like I said it is one thing or another. It is too much. I hate guilt, and I feel guilty resting, but I want to feel good this week so I can do things with the boys, maybe a day trip to Bar Harbor would be nice. My husband is asleep and will sleep till probaly 12noon or 1 pm, then take the boys to do something. We used to be together, and I always would be so excited to do things with our only day, Sundays are our family day, the only day my husband does not work or play golf. How do I rock the boat a bit, should I jump up (despite the hurting) and go, just like I used to and go, or enjoy the time to myself, have my husband be with the boys, and take my break? I miss my husband, but can stress, financial stress, cause my husband to hate me?

Thanks for letting me vent. I need to know what others deal with or what they won't deal with. I know I am like a broken record, does your husbands go on trips with their mothers? At one point, when things were bad in November, I found out they were taking a 3 day trip ice fishing up north, then he took her to Boston last fall, and then on a day trip fishing on Memorial day. I am glad he has his mother, but I feel second. My mother passed away right before our wedding, it breaks my heart, but I am ok, just a busy mom with 2 boys, trying to hold our family together, and take care of myself. I feel I should be going with his on Tuesday. I am even willing to push myself as hard as I can and do whatever I can just to be with my husband. Maybe it will be good for him to get away, be with his mom, and away from us. I don't know, please write me.

As usual, needing advice, and wondering what are your stories, how much has illnesses, fibromyalgia changed your social, fun life?

Kass

CDS75 · 06-22-2008, 02:10 PM

Kass-

I really feel for you and your boys. I think you know that it is time to take a stand. You know your husbands behavior is completely unacceptable.

Think about your boys growing up, getting married, and treating their wives the way you are being treated. You did not choose to get sick and I am positive there is NOTHING you wouldn't do to get better.

And his mom....doesn't she know you are sick? Does she realize how he is treating you?

The stress of this situation is only making your condition worse. Part of fm/cfs is adrenal insufficiency and stress only makes it worse.

BTW I grew up in the Casco Bay area. So BEAUTIFUL up there!

Shays mom · 06-22-2008, 02:28 PM

Absolutely!

caoder66 · 06-22-2008, 03:26 PM

Kass-
I don't know everything about your situation. The words "I don't want to be with you" that you wrote in your post cut right through me. That made my heart ache for you. You have every right to your feel the way you do. Don't feel guilty about what you feel- I am pretty sure that you are entitled to feelings

And let him know how you feel. But be prepared- it doesn't always have the effect that we hope that it will. Believe me, I have been there (in a previous marriage) and I did have to make that stand that CDS75 spoke of. I got some good advice once. "Treat yourself like you treat others" and if that means standing up for yourself then do it. When I did stand up for myself, I was ready to accept whatever happened. I was at the end of my rope. It didn't have the effect that I wanted at the time but I am in a much better place now. I feel for you because it sounds to me like you are between "a rock and a hard place". And for us fibromites, that is certainly not a good place.
So I know the feeling of "it is always something". All of the weird aches, pains and sensations are enough to drive me crazy. I feel as though I am constantly complaining. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your boys- they are lucky to have you. But don't forget about the girl(you)-Do something nice for yourself. You are are trying so hard to keep things together and it can be physically and mentally draining. Don't be so hard on yourself-start being your own cheerleader. Until then, I will send a few cheers your way-

Go, Kass, Go...
Painfree hugs,

Cyndi

Donna1964 · 06-22-2008, 04:30 PM

Sorry Kass,
That was really harsh of him. Even my husband wouldn't say that. If he did say "I don't want to be with you", he wouldn't be for long. Are you sure that he is really where he says he is? Could good old mom be covering for him? Go to a neighbors house and give her house a call when she is suppose to be at the ball game (she'd see your number on the caller ID and just not answer). If she answers then you have yours. I don't know what your husband use to be (or pretended to be ) but he is a jerk. You need to file for disability, not to help the family finances but to make sure that if he splits or you finally have enough of him and you leave you can have something to help you. I wouldn't trust that he will be remembering his vows since he hasn't managed to do that so far.