relationship issues - Fibromyalgia Message Board

poppy7 · 09-02-2008, 07:20 PM

I'm just after some advice regarding relationship issues, in particular a new relationship... Early days yet but I'm just wondering if anyone can help me decide when, if at all, I should mention to the new guy I've recently started seeing (2nd date was tonight !) that I have fibro and then, what amount of detail I should go into? My last partner had issues with me having fibro, and it was ultimately down to the way that he reacted that I broke off our engagement and I'm in 2 minds now as to whether I should be up front with this guy about it- kind of warn him in advance, or whether to just leave it and only mention it when necessary. My mum has the attitude that he should take me as he finds me and that fibro shouldn't make any difference (typical mum thing?) but then as she admits she wouldn't know what to do if she were in my situation.
I know that a lot of members on here are females but if any guys read this, I'd love to find out what your opinions are as well

Poppy

fibrohurts · 09-03-2008, 12:13 PM

It's only the second date. I don't think you should have to disclose any personal medicals issues with him just yet. Personally, i'd wait until things got more serious.
The only time i'd tell him early, is if he wants to go and do something you are physically unable to do or you have to cancel a date due to pain.

AnnD · 09-03-2008, 12:25 PM

Why would you mention it at all to anyone outside of maybe very close family like mum? I have it but it never occurred to me that it was anyone's business and even in pain you work your way through it. It isn't their burden to carry plus I don't want to use it as an excuse not to do something since it is a lifetime thing I would rather be working through it. I guess it just depends...if you were to marry this guy then you would mention it but just dating I don't think so.

saxlady · 09-03-2008, 04:03 PM

I would think it wouldn't take too long for him to notice. I wouldn't be able to hide it for too long and other than that, I would wait a little bit. You will know when the time is right or as I said before , he is going to notice before long and then the time will be right. Just don't lie to him if he asks about your health. If that "she"s the one" bug hits him, it won't matter anyway.

poppy7 · 09-03-2008, 07:20 PM

I guess in a way I'm wondering whether to tell him due to how my previous relationship worked out- well didn't ! I'm not after a "crutch" or support, I guess I'd like him to know so that it would avoid having to explain things without it sounding like an excuse. We all know how annoying it is when you have to cancel outings or leave early due to pain or other reasons and I suppose that I'd rather he knew why, rather than assume it's because I don't want to be out or have him think that I'm avoiding him.