A spouse looking for ways to show support... - Fibromyalgia Message Board

dfruss · 09-03-2008, 10:00 AM

Hi.
I just signed into here for my wife. She's the df part and she has fibromyalgia. (for about 4 months now) What can i do to both support her in her efforts to cope and to motivate her to learn how to? I've read some books, but would appreciate knowing what is really important on a day-to day basis.

Thanks,jc

fibrohurts · 09-03-2008, 11:32 AM

First of all, your wife is lucky to have such a caring and supportive husband. Most of us on here are not that lucky.
Most husband don't see to "get" it.
I think the most important thing is encouraging her to listen to her body, learn to know her limitations. (they will vary from day to day) and not to overdue it. Also, when she tells you she is unable to do something, you need to accept that. She may look fine, but inside is a different story. She needs to learn not to feel quilty for her limitations, she didn't ask for this. You need to make sure you don't blame her or take frustrations out on her over this.
Treatment for fibro. is really a matter of trial and error, what works for some won't work for others. What works at first may stop working. So she needs to be patient and accept that this is an ongoing battle.
Also, any changes she should see a doctor even if you think it's just fibro. The doctor needs to know.
Feel free to ask as many questions as you like.

AnnD · 09-03-2008, 12:50 PM

Fibro is a life long thing and depending on your wife you are either going to get sick and tired of it over the years or you won't hear much about it from her. It is a tough spot to be in for you because you don't want to provide a crutch yet be supportive. I think if you are already a caring person and take the time to ask how are you doing today and is there anything I can do to help you today...that would be helpful to just about anyone. You don't want to make her dependent on you so giving her a hand is great...pretty much just being a caring, loving, understanding person is really all she will need. More than anything I think focusing on positives is the best approach and saying things like....you are looking great today, or you did all that by yourself gosh that's great! just little things/words. Learn all you can and be informed and if the doctor she goes to over the years to isn't helping her suggest another(sometimes we have to change docs because of a move or something) ...not all doctors believe in this disease but pretty much it is treat the symptoms as they turn up. I have found a simple injury takes sometime 3 times longer to heal or to get better from so just listen and use the words "I'm sorry" goes a long way. Nothing you can do and nothing she can do it just is so kind words and hug are sometimes all we can do. good luck.

psalm46 · 09-03-2008, 02:42 PM

I agree, she is a LUCKY lady! My husband "gets it" as well and I am so very, very blessed to have him. Having someone who loves her and is understanding is a huge deal - at least for me, as stress can cause a flare like nothing else.

I would do what you are doing - become educated about Fibro and like the other ladies have said... just be there for her when she needs a little pick up or physical assistance with something that might be too heavy, repetitive, etc.

You are wonderful to have come this far.

saxlady · 09-03-2008, 04:46 PM

I too am one of the lucky ones who's husband "gets it". It sounds like your wife might be one of the lucky ones too. All my hubby of 28 years knows is that I am 10 times more sensitive than he. That covers everything from temperature, humidity , PAIN, PMS, ect. We don't talk about it much anymore after 10 years of fibro., but evey morning, when I finnaly get up, he always asks " how do you feel today"...but he waits the appropriate amount of time before asking. Not when I'm getting up and moaning and trying to get going but after I've had my meds about a half hour. If you put these two things at the top of your list you should be sailing. Oh and when friends ask us to do things, if it's not real important he always says, " We'll see how my wife feels, and if she feels up to it, we'll be there." If it is important, I decide if I want to go and then it is up to me to see that I am rested and arrange my meds around so that I'm feeling the best I can on that day. You will slowly learn when her best times are and work your schedual around her a bit. Good luck and hope some of this helps