How do you handle *visiting*? - Fibromyalgia Message Board

Rita27 · 11-19-2008, 04:15 PM

Hi, just wondering, with the holidays coming up how you do with all the visiting and parties and family functions? Do you go, how do you handle your pain and discomfort and do you talk about it?

This is the hardest part of having fibro and back/neck problems. It is SO difficult to do these visits. I keep telling my husband, but he doesn't get it, he just says *You HAVE to go* or *You can handle it for one day.* NO, I really can't. The amount of pain I have from long car rides, staying out late and having to sit around trying to act *normal* at someone's house is unbelievable. I don't necessarily like to talk about it, but sometimes people ask and that's a whole ordeal right there. Then, if I am really feeling bad, I have nowhere to lie down or get comfortable. It's just so difficult.

I dread Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas and New Years. It's bad enough to feel sick and be in pain, but then there's all the shopping and visiting. Not to mention how everyone is happy and looking great, and I look like a big whale and feel horrible. It just makes me more depressed.

jessbcuz10 · 11-19-2008, 04:58 PM

I know its probably not the treatment of choice, But I found a shot of Vodka helps dull the pain of my family

Oh..............wait..........that was before the fibro LOL

I usually take a long hot shower or bath before I go, I take my time getting there and leave early if I have to. If my family can't understand I have limitations then thats their issue..........not mine.

AnnD · 11-19-2008, 05:12 PM

I personally don't talk about it with anyone even if they were to ask. If anyone comments on the fact i might not look good at that moment then I just make a quick comment of something like 'oh it just one of those days'. Husbands and others just don't get but I decided long ago that was ok it is a lifetime of pain for me but I figure I don't need to burden them with all the details if I don't feel like attending a party then I don't go period...I do things at my own pace. I'm not mean or nasty about not attending a function but when I say I'm not going because I don't feel good then that is how it is. As far as holidays we only have or go to immediate family affairs so there is always someplace I could lay down if need be. I see no point in going to some party that I can't relax if I needed to. My adult children and husband all know i take naps so that is expected and it just part of the day...I find it is just easier if I keep a positive outlook and look forward to the next day because that one might be a little better and I prefer that other people just don't know. As for you ...if you are depressed are you taking an antidepressant to help you though the days?...sometimes we all need a little chemical help. Take care and good luck.

seaturtle · 11-19-2008, 05:22 PM

Hi,

I used to force myself and ended up so sick. Now, I reserve the right to turn things down, even if it's at the last minute. First priority is my health and well-being.
Sometimes, I will attend for just one hour, put in an appearance, and then leave.

It is not as difficult for me as it is for you, since I have no family at all, so I am not expeced to appear at family functions. I pretty much spend my holidays alone with my cats, and find it peaceful and quiet. You don't have that option.

I'm sorry your hubby doesn't get it. You just do what you have to do to make your life as pleasant as possible.

I also don't talk about it, except maybe to say something like "Oh, these stupid fibro flares." I don't know if anyone knows what I am talking about, but I find that casually mentioning it is better received than an explanation. If I accept my limitations and am calm about them, then that attitude seems to go out to others, too.

I hope you can come up with ways to make your holidays more enjoyable. If not that, at least not painful for you.

Seaturtle

jessbcuz10 · 11-19-2008, 05:26 PM

Unfortunately my family gave me no choice but to drill into their heads. They kept calling me lazy and antisocial. It wasnt until one of my dads friends was diagnosed with it that they even believed I had a real disorder.