bluelakelady

hi tam,
take some slow deep breaths. we all do what we have to when we have to.
i got a hobby, actually several of them. i am not a do nothing person either. i paint, i garden, i write poems and stories. i find putting my thoughts into words when i am in alot of pain, or painting, takes my mind away from the pain and into the world of art and expression.
when i really hurt the most is when i force myself to go for a short walk. the air and just being outside helps me.
when i had to stop working i was totally lost for what to do other than hurt and be way to aware of the pain. gardening came first. sure i made alot of mistakes. like planting what i thought was sage and instead turned out to be broccoli. it was yummy!!! planted the sage the next year. giggle.
i also learned to carve wood and gourds. i taught myself. my first works were crude and i was delighted to be able to do anything. to me they were beautiful. still are.
i also spend time in conversation with my body. i talk softly and with love. we discuss the day and what we can do. we talk about the odd ways pain manifests. i find the conversations ease the pain. i do not fight the pain. i gently allow it to come, respect that this must be for now, and know the flare will pass. i reassure my body that this is a flare and flares do end.
i hope i have been of some help to you.
my normal day starts out here at the computer with my one cup of coffee. i take frequent breaks to go outside and watch the day become. then i paint or bake till the day warms up. if it does, i am in and out all day, mostly just goofing off and enjoying the yard. in the afternoon i usually nap for an hour or two. then, energy restored, i may finish some laundry or add another color to a painting, or if my brother is really lucky i make dinner, giggle. evenings are quiet, usually watch the tube with brother. often on the phone in the evening with friends or family. several short walks at night around my yard, it is large. i find i sleep better if i walk a bit late at night. i awake once during the night and go outside to see the stars and listen to the quiet sound of nothing.
oh, and somewhere in the day i shower, giggle, usually mornings.
breath slow, allow the pain, comfort yourself with the knowledge that this flare will pass.
oh, and one thing i realized when i stopped working was that i had defined myself by what i did at work, not who i am inside. i know better now.
peace,
blue