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Old 03-14-2009, 09:59 PM   #1
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applecollector HB User
Unhappy OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

How in the world do you cope.

I lost my husband 6.5 years ago, before the major flares started.

I just remarried in Jan

I am so tired, and I hurt all over during and can't wait to be over

any suggestions would be great

 
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Old 03-14-2009, 10:06 PM   #2
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

I wish I could help but I am in the same boat. I am just too tired and in too much pain. There has to be an answer.

 
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Old 03-15-2009, 09:19 AM   #3
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

does the cuddling and foreplay hurt, or just the intercourse, or both? are you having sex late at night? do you use extra lubricant? do you have sex when you don't feel up to it just to please your partner?
this is a good subject. perhaps i can be of assistance after i know the answers to the questions.
the act of sex is high energy and very draining for a woman. there are positions that are less painful depending on where you hurt at the time.
peace,
bluelakelady

 
Old 03-15-2009, 11:30 AM   #4
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

hi apple,
this is a really great question. if you have been having a good day physically, you could plan the evening and get ready by taking a warm, relaxing bath (by yourself). light some candles and take your time. when you're done in the bath, have a sip of brandy or some chamomile tea, and then join your husband. maybe extended time with gentle foreplay would refocus you on the wonderful sensations that your body can still give you instead of just pain. the end result for you could be nature's best pain reliever! i hope this helps. lily

 
Old 03-15-2009, 04:05 PM   #5
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

Apple, thank you so much for broaching the subject. I have wanted to but didn't want to offend anyone else on the board. I have the same problems and it is and has been creating some ripples between the hubby and me.

OK Blue, it is definitely the intercourse that is so terrible. I can't even believe that I just referred to sex as terrible. Sad. Now, I have been having this trouble and it has just been getting worse for a long time. I had severe endometriosis and had a complete hysterectomy. Can't take hormones because it might stir up the endo. So, at this point I could care less about sex and only do it to keep my hubby happy. Unfortunately though, just like Apple, I want it to be over. And since I'm laying it on the line here LOL...the only position that is the least painful for me, yet the most work is for me to be on top.

Then of course, my husband doesn't want the same old same old all the time. He also wants to be able to touch me like he used to and some days and in some places, he just can't it hurts.

I feel bad for him. This FM really affects the whole family in so many ways. Thanks again Apple for starting this and Blue, I'll be waiting to see what you have to say.

Kim

 
Old 03-16-2009, 12:59 PM   #6
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

I know how you guys feel. I have told my husband that I would understand if he wanted a divorce so he could get the crazy sex he was used to. We do have sex at least once a week still, even if it is just a quickie in the shower, it is mostly for him. I am too tired or in too much pain to worry about doing it for me. But, that is a two way street. I would be more willing if our emotional relationship was better. We have done counseling but he was resistant so no good came of it.
My doc told me that we can have tender or trigger points in our vaginal muscles.
I have heard that taking a very warm bath warms/loosens your muscles and helps bring good blood flow to the vagina, which of course would make sex easier. Kinda like giving yourself foreplay.
This is a good subject. We are way to quiet about a big part of everybody's lives. Education always brings enlightenment.
Have a good day.
Sandra Dee

 
Old 03-16-2009, 01:35 PM   #7
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whitetigress53 HB User
Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

It's nice that this subject came up. My poor fiancee. We have been together 3 years, and I have had fibro for the past year and a half or so. I just don't feel up to it when he wants it (when I'm going to bed to sleep) because I work 10 hour days, and come home and try to keep up with my 3 1/2 year old. By that time I'm in pain and ready to collapse. Like others, when it does happen...I want it to be over. I don't have an issue with it hurting down there, it's everywhere else. The last thing on my mind when I'm hurting is sex. When I do feel up to it, there's no one to watch my son, and even if there was, by the time they'd get there the feeling would be gone.

Of course help around the house would make me not so tired, but that is another subject.

 
Old 03-16-2009, 02:18 PM   #8
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

Hi, I would be tired chasing a 3 year old around never mind a 10 hour a day job on top of that. I don't know how you do what you are doing, I get tired thinking about it. With Fibro on top of that you are incredible. Take time for your self if you stress your body out your flares are going to last longer and come sooner. Good luck with everything.
Hope everyone is having a good day.

 
Old 03-16-2009, 02:36 PM   #9
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

Guess I did bring up a good subject that seems we are too shy to talk about

The GYN Dr twice has put me on the vaginal ring ester ring (something like that) it is suppose to help with lubrication sensation etc. It is painful to have in place (you change it every 3 months) and then does cause some discomfort during intercourse. However this last time I tried it after two months not only did I get a bad UTI I had two yeast infections (I have not had yeast infections in years.--I go back to GYN Next month or May I think

about a year and half ago, while on top I sorta dislocated my hip---if that was not fun to explain to a dr, x-ray tech then bone dr---nothing showed but I was on crutches for weeks.--and to this day have problems with my left leg and hip

Now I am afraid to be on top---which does satisfy me better---but my arms etc just tire out----

on bottom still get so tired and then back starts cramping---

we have been married now almost 2 months and have only had it about 4 times

I also don't have much sensation as far as pleasure wise down there---but yet can have pain---does that make any sense.

I also get orgasmic migraines at times---first time I had them years ago, I thought I was having a stroke, when I asked a Dr about them they had no idea what would cause them--only found out through internet and research what it was called--it happens right before the organism---

Sex used to be fun---now it is work and causes pain

The new Dr's show that is on in afternoon had a few months ago I forget how many reasons to have sex---one was it helped headaches and other pain---excuse me, sounds like a man trying to come up with another excuse we should have sex.

 
Old 03-16-2009, 05:45 PM   #10
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

Hi applecollector, thank god you brought this up because its so difficult to know who to talk to about this. I've been married to my husband two years in july and its been nothing compared to the bedroom activity we used to get up to the previous six years and its really affecting our relationship or at least thats what I tell myself along with what could he possible see in me and thinking that I must be the worst wife ever and that this isn't what he signed up for when we got married you know because I wasn't too bad back then but now I just can't face it at all, can't be on top beacse my legs and hips kill me and not on bottom because my back and legs kill me and i Just don't have any energy at all and I just keep convuncing myself that I'm worthless and he must be so sick of it all and to my horror last week he was in a mood and we were arguing and he kept staring at me and when I asked why he just looked and me and said I'm just trying to figure out what the hell I ever saw in you and that was it he went to bed and didn't even apologise for 4 days and it was always my biggest fear that i'm just not worth the hassle or worth waiting for and sent me into a flare up that lasted an entire week. so if you figure this end of it out please let me know because at the moment i need all the help i can get.

thanks for bringing this up i feel a little bit lighter for having actually let that out
Happy paddys day, and hope you have a great weekend

 
Old 03-16-2009, 06:12 PM   #11
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

calff (hugs) what an awful thing to say to you, but you know we all say things in the heat of the moment that we really don't mean.

Has he ever read up on Fibro etc. I know my husband has, and seems to be very understanding, and concerned if I am hurting etc.

But yet I know he gets tired, of no sex, or things not getting done around here. But yet he knew what he was getting into before we married (not sure I did) after being single for 6.5 years this is quite an adjustment.

guess I will look up fibro and sex and see what I come up with---will let you know if I do
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:14 PM   #12
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

THis was nice to read...just want to mention that all the drugs we take can also hinder libido....Cymbalta, mirapex, lyrica, hbp meds...it sucks....

 
Old 03-16-2009, 07:02 PM   #13
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

No, I am sorry, we don't all say nasty things in the heat of the moment. There is a thing called impulse control that comes with maturity. If that type of "name calling" type thing goes on regularly then I would insist on counseling. We can all feel guilty for not being able to "put out" on a consistent basis but that doesn't mean we don't deserve love and respect.

I hope I don't offend you, you deserve love, gentle hugs, and understanding.
Blessings
Sandra Dee

p.s. not trying to offend Applecollector either (meaning I am not calling you immature, I am speaking in general)

Last edited by sandradee0303; 03-16-2009 at 07:06 PM. Reason: making sure Applecollector does not take offense. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE

 
Old 03-16-2009, 09:14 PM   #14
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

ncg sdrawkcab nipyt si siht yhw aedi on evah I siht daer na uoy fi da tnemom eht fo taeh ehtni sgniht yas ew semit ta taht yas ot gniyrt tsuj saw I y
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Old 03-16-2009, 09:54 PM   #15
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Re: OK not sure I can ask this question--Sex and Fibro

Will try this again, when I was typing before it was typing everything backwards
had to shut whole computer down. weird

Anyway---I wasn't meaning things are always said in heat of the moment--but sometimes it does happen, however if it is all the time, yes no one needs to be put up with that.

Calf--What he said to you was not a nice thing for anyone to be told. and you are worth being loved and cared for--please don't put yourself down---this DD is not your fault.

relationships are hard no matter what is going on with us----it takes a lot of work and when we don't feel well that does not help.

We all get down over life---well maybe not all of us---I do I know, depression and Fibro and all the other stuff in MY LIFE it is hard for me to stay focused on being positive about relationships and my life being worth anything to myself or anyone else.

Sex--making love is more than just the act itself, but it is hard to even cuddle

[url]http://www.*****.com/fibromyalgia/guide/fibromyalgia-and-sex?ecd=wnl_cbp_061908[/url]
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Last edited by moderator2; 03-17-2009 at 07:47 AM. Reason: posted disallowed website(s)

 
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