Hi all, I'm having a really rough day and I need to carry on a little, hope you don't mind. I'm frustrated today because I'm more tender than I have been in I can't remember how long. Every little bump starts to hurt like I've been punched by a full grown man. And my two-year-old is sick. He wants me to hold him and cuddle him, and I've been stuffing down the pain and doing it because he needs me, but it makes me want to cry. He will come to me and wrap his arms around me and say "you okay, mommy?" and it just breaks my heart. I'm just so frustrated - I'm his mom, he's only two, he shouldn't be so concerned about how I'm feeling when he is the one who is sick. He's getting good at being gentle with me, but that's not his burden to bear, you know what I mean? He's such a sweet and caring little guy. I just wish I could be the mom I feel like he needs me to be. He's constantly asking me if I'm okay now. I'm concerned about what this may do to him in the long term - he's supposed to rely on me for support, not feel like he has to support me. My boyfriend is great, he picks up the slack like a trooper, but my baby needs his mommy, you know? I'm just completely frustrated and needed to let off some steam.
One thing to keep in mind: the children of chronic illness can be deeply compassionate, tough, resilient people with a fine sense of humor about life's difficulties. The key is in how you handle it.
Make sure that he gets what he needs, including emotionally. It definitely sounds like you are doing that. He might not always get what he wants, but children shouldn't.
Be honest about how things are with you, don't make it a secret, but explain things in an age appropriate way, along with plenty of reassurance that you will still care for and love him. Let him help you while still letting him be a child.
Edit to add:
For example: "That's sweet of you to ask. Mommy's kind of sore today, so Mommy will take medicine now. Then you'll get some medicine, and maybe we'll go sit on the couch together." A little cuddling without so much bruising, perhaps!
Last edited by janewhite1; 02-11-2011 at 07:52 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to janewhite1 For This Useful Post: caribear (02-11-2011)
Thank you. I just worry so much that I will end up causing some kind of damage to him. I try to make sure that he is getting all the love and guidance I can give him. When he asks me if I'm ok, I tell him "yes, mommy is ouchie but mommy is ok." I just don't want him to internalize any of this, I know some kids feel like their parents' difficulties are their fault somehow. I just wish I could play with him the way his dad does, or not wince when he runs up to me and throws his arms around me. I don't have any pain meds at the moment that work for me so I'm just dealing with it the best I can, and I know it won't always be this painful, but it's still hard to deal with right now. I'm trying to stay optimistic and always look for the humor in things. I hope I can teach him to do the same.
Hi Caribear, please don't worry - your children understand. You are a great and caring mum that's why you worry! Just being around for your children is in itself the greatest thing you can do. They love you and you love them - that's all that matters and always will. Hugs Clare x
The Following User Says Thank You to Clare1975 For This Useful Post: caribear (02-12-2011)
I agree with Diane, I am sure you are being the best mommy ever to him. He can lay down on the bed with you with books or soft toys. Kids are super tough and much more resilient and adaptable than we adults give them credit. And he will become a super compassionate human being, which in these days is quite an asset and he will be loved by all for it. You can invent little games around being sick, he can be your nurse and help you get a drink, little things like that. I am happy you have a partner that is so helpful. That in itself is a blessing..kiss the little one on the head for me. I so love the littles..xoxoxo
peace and love
Sandra
The Following User Says Thank You to tooolgrl For This Useful Post: caribear (02-12-2011)
Caribear-you and your little one will be alright. The way that you are concerned of his well being is already proof enough that he will be okay in the long run. And, like Clare said "Just being around for your children is in itself the greatest thing you can do. They love you and you love them - that's all that matters and always will." I worked in the school district for twenty years and there are so many children that do not have a mom that even cares for their children's today's needs must less what they are doing to their little ones future lives.
You sound like a GREAT MOM... keep loving him and all the gentle hugs will be exactly what he remembers that his mom always loved him.
__________________ Debbie
The Following User Says Thank You to dw1961 For This Useful Post: caribear (02-12-2011)
Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement. I just worry about him, I know most moms do the same. Dwh, I have seen kids like that too, and I want to make sure he doesn't end up like that. I want him to have a good life and not feel burdened by the way he was brought up. Sandra, I will definitely give him kisses for you. He already does a lot of things for me, sometimes without even having to ask (which floors me - some kids don't do it even if you do ask) and we do a lot of gentle cuddling. He says all the time "I help you, mommy!" and picks things up off the floor for me, picks up his toys, and throws things away for me. And he tries to make me laugh when he knows I don't feel good. I'm so proud of him. Biogirl and Clare, thank you for the encouragement. It helps to hear it.
What a little angel!!! Let him help you, it will make him feel so good to do that..funny I had a dream last night of a little boy, around the age of your boy. Helping his mamma, who I think was me but cannot remember for certain, your posts brought that memory to the forefront of my mind. Funny. I do remember he was a helpful little sprout...lol...dreams..crazy stuff. My dad comes to me and talks to me in dreams. Your little guy is going to grow into a great human...enjoy your time, and let those who love you help you as much as you can. You are loved a lot..xoxo..love is healing..smile
peace and love
Sandra
The following user gives a hug of support to tooolgrl: caribear (02-12-2011)
The Following User Says Thank You to tooolgrl For This Useful Post: caribear (02-12-2011)
Sounds like you are doing just fine. I remember when my eldest was three years old and I was going through a particularly hard time. We became a lot closer during that flare. I may have been planted on the couch and not able to do a lot, but I was there and not out and about multitasking. He had my full attention.
I understand about the pain. My kids seemed to like banging up against me for some reason. But, this gave them an opportunity to learn to be gentle and caring. Maybe he'll be a doctor some day?
Best Regards,
The Following User Says Thank You to Sunsetnan For This Useful Post: caribear (02-12-2011)
You are doing a great job with your son. Stop beating yourself up and give yourself a little credit. Teaching him compassion is very important as well as reading, writing and arithmatic. Life skills are what makes them complete and you are giving your son that chance. I understand as a mom that you worry, but that's not good for you or him either, so, when you feel good, be happy and do what you can, when you feel sore, then rest a bit and do quiet things with him. Trust me, he will be better off in the long run. Hang in there.
The Following User Says Thank You to tmrots For This Useful Post: caribear (02-13-2011)
i go through this all the time with my 3 girls, when i cant tuck them up in bed as i am too sore, or i cant pick them up from school as i just cant drive that day, or i dont make it to the school play it tears me apart and i lay awake thinking how will this effect them when there older there was the 4 months i was bedridden and the psycotic episode due to drugs they witnessed, but then i tell myself there are learning how to care for someone else i am home all the time i never was before i was a working mum and i regrete that time i missed, i now can lay in bed or on the couch and watch movies or play cards or the wii and its still quaility time they have adjusted and its hard but i love them dearly and they love me and thats all that matters.
The following user gives a hug of support to 75angel: caribear (02-13-2011)
The Following User Says Thank You to 75angel For This Useful Post: caribear (02-13-2011)
Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the kind words, they've helped a lot. It's been rough on me trying to adjust to life with fibro, and sometimes I just flip out a little. Thanks for all the support, I'm so glad to have you all to talk to
The following user gives a hug of support to caribear: 75angel (02-14-2011)
Giggle be glad you have a boy. I was a single Mom to a boy and he was very compasionate at 3. Then I had 2 girls. Injured my ankle and had to keep it elevated all day and night to get the swelling down enough to cast it which was virtualy impossible. At one point my neice came over to play with the girls , then 2 & 3 and I was sitting in my usual position with my bad foot up on an old school desk and my 2 year old walked by and slapped it. Apparently a bit angry I could not get up to play...lol! Needless to say they all turned out fine and gave me some beautiful grandkids to sit and play games with. So hang in there. It will get better. I will add you to my prayer list tonight.
Low pain all,
Cat
__________________
CAT
Dx'd with Fibro 2007
Endometriosis
Barret's Esophagus
Gerd
Osteoarthritis
Anxiety Disorder since 1986
IBS
Diverticulosis
High Colesterol
Tachycardia
Depression - Now
The Following User Says Thank You to catkaru For This Useful Post: caribear (02-16-2011)
