Sorry to have to complain on here so much, but most of the people who used to listen to me just zone out now when I talk. I've got to blow off some steam about my boyfriend's mom and sister. His mom has been coming over every afternoon for the last week. She has made snippy comments about how dirty my house is (it's not that bad), how I look "sloppy" (so I forgot to brush my hair this morning, it's my house) and how it "must be nice to not do anything all day" (not even going to justify that with a comment.) Yesterday she sat next to me on the couch and kept doing that thing where she suddenly remembers something she was going to say, so she smacks me on the leg (know what I'm talking about?). It hurt like crazy, because my legs are my major tender areas. I politely asked her to stop doing that. She looked at me like I had slapped her across the face and said "Now I know that didn't hurt you!" Grrr...... I had to explain to her that yes, it did hurt, and why, but she decided to act offended and leave. The sister is just a younger version of her mom. She came over last night, and she kept looking at me funny. I had told her a while back that I had fibro, and explained it to her as well as I could. She seemed like she understood at the time. Last night she looks at me and says "You don't look like you're in pain. Are you being serious?" I don't get that. What am I supposed to look like? Maybe next time she's around I'll make a point to moan and drag myself around dramatically
Anyway, sorry again to vent so much. These women just drive me nuts.
I get that a lot, especially from people I work with. They keep asking me why I am putting in eyedrops at every break (I have Sjogren's) and why I keep rubbing my fingers (SLE) or why I am so tired when I look fine. I told them I could wear a sign if it would help them remember that I am not fine inside. Wouldn't it be helpful if the world could be educated about these things? They have no right to treat you like that, hitting you when they know you hurt is just wrong. Hope things get better for you soon!
The Following User Says Thank You to brooklyngirl For This Useful Post: caribear (03-09-2011)
It took me years to get it in my head that people like that are not worth my energy or my pain. I know me telling you that doesn't make it better, but think about it. Why would you let two people who obviously aren't very smart upset you. They can't get the concept of fibro, or lupus or other illnesses that don't show some disfigurement, how sad and unintelligent is that. Again, I know that is hard to do, but I know it really helps when you can get your mind around it.
The snide things your boyfriends mother said were nothing compared to what my mother in law said and did. For years until she finally got told off by her son and me. She then decided to stop talking to us. She was so hateful that she did not see her only grandchildren and died alone in a nursing home with only strangers to help her.
Did you ever see the Everybody Loves Raymond show. When we first saw that, my husband almost busted a gut laughing. He said oh my gosh they made a TV show about my mother. Doris was mean but in a funny way and then made nice at the end. Make her a controlling spiteful mean b***h and you have my mother in law. Feel Better Caribear.
Last edited by Glojer; 03-09-2011 at 05:18 PM.
Reason: left something out.
The Following User Says Thank You to Glojer For This Useful Post: caribear (03-09-2011)
Oh girls you have my sympathies..there is nothing worse than a jealous mother in law..you have her baby, and for that there is no forgiveness..it is horrible. My ex husband, my daughters father, had a mother that would not give it a rest..She even asked me to "share" him with her. I told her she could have him. With a few expletives in there for good measure. We lived amidst a neighborhood with his family. And they hated me. He became alcoholic and started believing the lies they were telling him about me and we divorced. He died at the age of 43 and it took the family 2 days to find him. And he was in his own house. They looked in at him and thought he was sleeping..I tried and tried for years to get him to see his alcohol issue, but they kept feeding it to him and said I was just a money grubbing *****...So I totally know about the snide remarks. I had to tell my mother in law off and it just threw a rift into the marriage..a lot of moms cannot simply let go and be kind. Good luck honey. You are going to need it...xoxoxo
peace and love
The following user gives a hug of support to tooolgrl: caribear (03-10-2011)
The Following User Says Thank You to tooolgrl For This Useful Post: caribear (03-10-2011)
i have one question if i may. well two actually. first where is your boyfriend during these times? second, is he worth the baggage of his family? if so, deal with it. tell them to shut up and butt out. tell them to come when their son/brother is here and visit him. do not come when he is not home. set some boundaries and stick to them.
if she sits by you again, move away to another seat.
if it were my life i would have a long talk with the boyfriend and see where he stands regarding me and his family. if he can't speak out on my behalf i would dump him and move on. that's just me. only you can decide what you will or will not have in your life in order to feel loved.
ps. my mother in law told me to leave her son, i did. the man i was with for 16 years after i left my husband, well, his mom told me the same thing. leave. i listened. i got lucky, good mothers but lousy men.
Last edited by bluelakelady; 03-10-2011 at 07:21 AM.
Reason: add post script
The Following User Says Thank You to bluelakelady For This Useful Post: caribear (03-10-2011)
Thanks everybody. Sorry for the late reply, it's been a long and eventful day. Actually the last two days have been eventful. Blue, to answer your question my boyfriend is often not around when his family act this way towards me because he will tell them off and they know it. I am a lot more passive, so they try to walk all over me. They've done some pretty awful things to me in the past, so I have pretty much removed our family from them as much as possible. I don't want my son learning their behavior.
I talked to my bf yesterday about the stuff I was talking about, the things they had said. He called his sister on speakerphone and told her off. She denied ever saying that to me, he called her a liar, she hung up on him. Then he called his mom (on speakerphone again) and she started off by saying hostile things about me to him. He asked her what her problem was, and she told him that she thought I was faking all this for pain medication. The funny thing is, I don't have any pain medication. He told her that and she said well, then I must be doing it for the attention. He told her that if she wanted to act that way, then she could stay away from our house. The thing is that their family is like that, and in a few months they'll be buddies again. But I'm tired of it, I'm just not answering the door when they show up anymore.
I went to a seminar today that dealt with the body's responses to stress. It was very interesting. The speaker said that in his opinion one of the most valuable therapies in treating fibro is exercise in warm water. It was interesting to hear what he had to say about the subject.
It was a great seminar, but then on the way out I witnessed two pedestrians get hit by a car while trying to cross the street. Luckily there were about 150 nurses who attended the seminar, so they had expert care until the ambulance arrived. I'm having a hard time with it, I keep seeing the one lady getting hit when I close my eyes, so I may not be on much in the next couple days.
Hope you all have low pain today <3
caribear, I am so sorry you had to see that. It is not something that will easily leave your brain. I have seen that happen to humans and to dogs. I can still see it in my brain if I let myself. Once you move on with your life it does leave your conscious mind. Try praying for the injured or doing what is right for your beliefs. That sometimes helps me.
Hang in there and don't forget we are here if you need us.
The Following User Says Thank You to Glojer For This Useful Post: caribear (03-11-2011)
I understand how you feel about not looking like you have fibro. Recently I spoke to my sisters class about fibro. Her instructor said I didn't look like I have fibro. I also went to the er this past weekend and the nurse practioner said I didn't look like I had fibro. How the hell am I suppose to look? I do take pride in my look. If I go out I'll to wear lipgloss. I love makeup. Just because I have an illness should I look broke down everyday? Little do they know I've most likely taken oxycodone and soma just to move around. LOL They don't know anything about what I go through. When I was working this girl use to be jealous of me. I wish she could walk in my shoes. LOL
The following user gives a hug of support to syberdeeva: caribear (03-11-2011)
Caribear, I am so sorry you had to go through all this. Definitely a catalyst in a fibro flare, definitely...Kudos to your bf for doing what he did for you. Shows he is a true man and really loves you..For that you can be eternally thankful..I hope beyond hope things get better for you. Negativity breeds negativity and has no place in a fibromites life..Nor the loved ones...Sending you lots of love, sunshine and healing energy...keep us posted, we care..xoxoxo
peace and love
The Following User Says Thank You to tooolgrl For This Useful Post: caribear (03-11-2011)
Ok, today felt like a train wreck, but some good has come out of it.
I could hardly sleep last night, and when I did I dreamed of car accidents. Not good. I made an appointment for me and my son both to see the doctor, my son has had a cold for a few days now and started pulling on his ear last night. This morning he was a bundle of energy, running all over the place and generally not listening. We got into the doctor's office and he seemed determined to tear up the exam room. He was all over the place. The doc came in, questioned me about both of our symptoms, then decided to check my son out. Sure enough, fluid in one ear, the other is infected. But he's still all over the place. The doc starts to talk to me about my symptoms, I tell him there has been no change. My son starts to reach for the dispenser of whatever you call those plastic things that fit over the little light they use to look in your ears. I put my hand up and he grabs my arm instead of the plastic things. I gasped and jumped, I wasn't expecting it to hurt as much as it did. But then I almost started laughing. I could see my doc's face out of the corner of my eye and when I did that I thought his eyebrows were going to go off the top of his forehead he was so surprised. He was quiet for a moment, then told me that he did believe that I have fibro. He said that honestly he did not know how to treat it, didn't know anything about it, and was going to refer me to a rheumatologist. Finally, some honesty. Then he asked me why I haven't asked him for pain meds yet. I told him that I've had lots of them for different reasons and none of them have taken away my pain. The ones that take it down a notch make me feel so out of it that I can't take them and take care of my son at the same time, so I haven't asked for them.
On the way out of the office, my son decided to run down the hall. He tripped over his boots and fell face-first onto the carpet-over-concrete floor. His head made such a loud crack that two doctors and three nurses came running. My doc put us back in a room and checked him out. He has carpet burn on his forehead and will probably have a bruise the size of a golf ball by tomorrow, but otherwise he's ok. My nerves are completely shot.
So now I wait for an appointment with my new rheumy. Hopefully I get one who is understanding and knowledgeable. Fingers crossed.
The following user gives a hug of support to caribear: Glojer (03-12-2011)
I wish I could give you a hug. I feel your pain... My husband made comments for a long time, he's finally coming around. It's hard enough wanting to do things & you can't... IT makes you feel lazy yet they is nothing you can do about it. It's not laziness... It's learning to take care of yourself & a good quality life for yourself.
I helped a friend pack Wednesday which would have just been another day for me a year ago... I've been paying for it since... Just miserable...
You know, we have a helper who is 15. He's a good kid but can be a smart ***... He was kinda looking down on me like this is my husbands home, everything is his & I'm just here... Well, I heard he has a crush on me which is kinda weird because he's like a son. Anyhow, one day he mouthed off & I'd had enough. I told him off & walked away. I basically said that this is my house & you need to respect me. Well, my husband talked to him later & said that he agreed with me. The kid has been very good since.
I think you need to tell them that it is your home & they need to respect you or don't come over. You are not keeping them from their son/brother. That is their choice if they stay away. It's hard enough as it is, but you don't need that crap.
Sorry, I'm kinda moody today... Tired of feeling like crap & people like that tick me off.
Also, next time they say something like "must be nice to not do anything" make sure you tell them "it must be nice to feel good & have energy".
OMG! Congrats on you finally getting a referral! That's wonderful news! You will get sooo much help! Of course, not all Docs are good so if you don't like this one, make sure to see another....
Sorry your boy got hurt... He couldn't of picked a better place though! Poor guy...
I haven't read all the replies you got, just a few. I wanted to tell you that I look 100% healthy. My hair used to be twice as thick but when I put moose & gell in I get I get nice compliments. Little do they know how brittle it is also... I also love makeup but only put it on if I am upto it or having to go somewhere...
Even though I have been really sick & taking pain meds for 2 days, I don't look pale or anything. So on one hand it sucks because people don't understand when we look healthy but feel awful... But on the other hand atleast it helps the self esteem to not look sickly...
Gripe all you want! I completely understand how you feel. It makes me crazy that family and friends don't understand how horrible I feel most of the time. They think I can suck it up and think positive....I wish!
The following user gives a hug of support to Hamom: caribear (03-11-2011)
So Sorry to hear about your struggles. Family support and understanding can help so much. My mother-in-law never understood until she got Parkinson's. Now she comes to me for support. It really sucks that people can't understand and are so judgmental until they experience something like it themselves.
The Following User Says Thank You to iowakathyc For This Useful Post: caribear (03-11-2011)