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Old 09-15-2011, 08:45 AM   #1
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HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

First, best wishes to all of you dealing with terrible ordeal.

I don't know what to do. My DH was diagnosed with fibro and he is in terrible pain daily. His headache, which never goes away, gets so extreme it's unbarable for him. And the pain in his shoulders & arms get so bad that he can't lift them or open a can of soup (pop-top kind). No lifting, no pulling motion.

He's seen an M.D., Neuro, Rheumatologist, shrink, has had injections of all sorts (including rooster comb), accu-puncture, NSAIDs, Narc & Non-Narc pain meds, MRIs, nerve conduction tests, been told "ice, heat & rest", and been told "Sorry, I have no further recommendations for you"!!!

So I can understand his frustration, depression, and loss of hope because I share those same feelings with him. However, and here's my problem, it's gotten so bad that everytime he sees me it's the topic. He starts about quitting his work because he can't take it anymore, spouts off threats about his boss, his job, and about how our life is going to become with only my $600/month income. This is before he leaves for work, if he calls me to say HI, when I have to see him to take himsomething or go pick up his paycheck, at dinner, while watching tv - it's all the time and I need a break.

OMG I need a break! I love him and try to do everything to help him get any relief. But I can't take it everytime I see him. It is coming between us, we fight, and he ends up telling me to move the $%#@ out and go live with my mother. By the way, I'm 42, he's 44. Two mature adults? Yea right! I cry everyday and he blames me for that - that I'm so negative about everything. It's so hard being with him at all anymore. We don't have kids & I wouldn't confide any of this in any of our friends or family (how embarrassing!!) so I keep it all to myself or try to talk to him about it - then he explodes!

Help me please! I don't know what to do. What about me? Don't I count? Don't my feelings count? Or my health for that matter? Thanks for any input. I don't know where else to turn.

**Terri**

 
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:59 PM   #2
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

I'm so sorry to hear this! It COULD be Lymes, but right now you have a diagnosis of FM. This is what you have to deal with. He's not dealing with it well. I'm glad you're understanding of his condition. He may need counseling to be able to deal with this kind of diagnosis. It's great you've found our boards, maybe he needs to come here as well. Life with FM is not all doom & gloom. Does it hurt? Yes. But it can be managed effectively. You just need to find a FM specialist. if you want to be screened for Lyme's by all means. It took me several drs to find one that actually listens. Others here get good care from their rheumatologist's, but I did not & I've been to 3 of them. Your DH may get some relief from Cymbalta since it sounds like he's depressed as well. Anyway, I hope this is a start hon. Keep us posted!

Karen

Last edited by Administrator; 09-16-2011 at 04:41 PM.

 
Old 09-15-2011, 03:35 PM   #3
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

well im not here to get into it with anyone but i believe in the diagnoses of Fibro....ive had this all my life..my mom ,aunt and both kids have it. I believe this is a cousin of sorts to MS...

Terri im sorry this is hard on you, yes it was nice hearing the complaints coming from someone else, it helps me so i can try and see the other side, what my Husband may be feeling. i tend to say things like, see how you feel? when there sick an say like this is what i feel like every day. it must feel like no you dont matter,,,im sorry...for me im gonna try and stop doing that to him.
im sure hes just talking out of anger to you. and he must feel he can tell you how he feels....does it get easier ? well since 04 ive been hit hard non stop with this,,ive done all the meds and crap..it doesn't help. im not on anything now and just the same. we live for the good pockets of ok ness..lol..and veg on the bad days, which are alot! but he loves me an i him. i lost a 16yr marriage over this. so yes i get how consuming this is. all i can say is hes the man that feel in love with you and i hope this doesn't tear you two apart...

hugs MonaLisa....

 
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Old 09-15-2011, 04:00 PM   #4
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

Well, I've got news. My DH has been tested for Lyme Disease in the past - Negative.

Hopefully he can get some info & helpful hints on coping. I also need to cope. We will work on it together because I sure don't plan on letting him go through it alone.

Thanks again.

**Terri**

Last edited by Administrator; 09-16-2011 at 04:42 PM.

 
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Old 09-15-2011, 04:21 PM   #5
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

MonaLisa24 that is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks so much for letting me know I'm not alone. It's just that sometimes it feels like you against the world. You know how it is.

Thanks again for the Lyme Disease Info.

Last edited by Administrator; 09-16-2011 at 04:34 PM.

 
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:15 AM   #6
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

welcome to you both,
i gotta say you "kids" brought tears to my eyes. chronic illness is so hard on us and those who choose to love us.
i had a friend with lupus and fibro when i was going thru diagnosis 17 years ago. i saw her anger, frustration and how she treated her family. i decided right then i was not going to turn out like that no matter how much it hurt. mind over body.
my brother and i own a home and what i say if he asks how i am is, fine, mosty fine, moderatly cruddy, truck ran over me in the night, and for the really bad days, best to steer clear of me, feeling snappyish. oh, and on good day i say beyond perfection. within my mind there is always sunshine and joy. i live, i breath, i am loved.
being me is hard enough without driving those who love me away by being unhinged by the pain. what helped me most was to learn to meditate, seperate body from mind and realize no matter what is going on in my body, my mind and mouth are still mine. i do not blame pain on how i behave, i blame me. if i snap, no matter the reason behind it, i am responsible for the hurt i cause.
know that both of you are not alone in this. we are a strong loving group with bits of wisdom to share. we are here for you both.
peace,
bluelakelady

 
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Old 09-16-2011, 09:27 AM   #7
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

I know this is so hard for you. I feel bad for my husband and kids daily.....It does sound as though he may have something along with the firbro, and lymes is awful as well, my Dad had it and until they diagnosed it he was miserable. But if it is fibro just try to take it one day at a time, because thats what the people who have fibro do. I just take it one day at a time. If I have a good day then we are all blessed , if I have a bad day then we just have to deal with it, and do what we can to try and make it better. See a therapist if you can. My DH sees one and it helps, and I am going next week myself to start seeing one to see if I can try to get some solutions to help me mentally shen I do have bad days, which realistically I have 5 bad days out of 7, and that does not mean I still do not have pain, I have it everday, but some days I get a little relief. Can he go on disability?
Hugs to you I know this is hard. I hope he can get to feeling a little better!
Mindy

 
Old 09-16-2011, 06:01 PM   #8
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

I can relate as my husband initially had a difficult time dealing with the fact I now have a chronic illness after being so healthy and active all these years. Does your husband's work have an employee assistance program? If so, I recommend he go and you may even want to go with him. Usually it's an employer paid service and no cost to the employee. I found it to be very helpful talking to a counselor about how to deal with my chronic pain, as it effects every aspect of my life and as well as family members. You may want to consider he see a pain management specialist if he isn't already.

Hope he has better days ahead and best of luck.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 01:26 PM   #9
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

Thanks again everyone for your support. It's still been very rough and he has now given his boss 6 weeks to find someone to replace him. He quit his job, which truly is hard on his body as a diesel mechanic.

I'm trying to treat him as normal as possible, although I don't know what that is anymore. There's so much miscommunication and he only believes what he wants, not what I try to share with him.

I'm almost at the "give up" point. But I still love him.

Thanks again. Hugs to all.

 
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Old 09-19-2011, 02:03 PM   #10
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

Your post broke my heart. This is a dreadful disease. I agree that counseling for both of you would be a good idea. Another thing is stress is the worst thing for this disease, so if you can minimize it, it will definitely help.

Going to a pain specialist would be a good idea. They hopefully will find things that work for him. Has he tried any of the new drugs for Fibro? I take Cymbalta and Lyrica and would not have any type of life if I didn't. In the meantime, try to stay strong as a couple, eat right, drink lots of water and sleep well. Sometimes the little things all add up and make us feel better too. Hugs, Pam

Last edited by Pammyann; 09-19-2011 at 02:04 PM.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 05:37 PM   #11
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

I totally agree with Pammyann.....hang in there!.....

 
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Old 09-20-2011, 07:12 AM   #12
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

hi tnt,
i was once in love with a man who was a type 1 diabetic. for 16 years i did all i could to assist him in caring for his health. unfortunatly taking care of himself properly was not his goal. when he admitted to me that he takes too much or not enough insulin to get off on the high of being whacked out i decided it was time to go. no amount of love could help. it was an ugly ending but i am at peace. i hope he finds his too.
he would rage on about how unfair it was for him to be diabetic and would not adapt gracefully to his body. when i got fibro there was no room for me to have a health problem in his mind.
there are times, no matter how deep the love, that one must step away. this is something only you can decide and if you do reach that point do not feel guilty. i learned i cannot save everyone no matter how deeply i love.
peace,
blue

 
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Old 09-20-2011, 05:42 PM   #13
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

You guys can get through this. You are going through a major life change & shouldn't make any decisions about the rest of your lives at this time. You both have received a devastating diagnosis. You have to learn how to adapt to it & how to cope. You clearly love each other, or you wouldn't have reached out for help. Hold on to that love, for now. It will take a bit to find if you can do this together or not, but I can tell you if you are both willing to make it work & he's willing to adapt to FM then you can be happy together. Personal experience. My husband has been by my side for the last 3 yrs, me with no income. I filed for disability 3 yrs ago. My disease & no money has combined for some VERY hard times. We've gone without groceries to pay for my medication, even with insurance. We've had to learn how to cope, adapt & be able to take care of our family. You are where we were at 3 yrs ago. PLEASE don't give up yet. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't give it your best try.

Karen

PS My disability hearing is next Thursday. There's a light at the end of the tunnel...

 
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Old 09-20-2011, 06:55 PM   #14
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Re: HELP! Can't Take My DH's Fibro Anymore! In Tears Daily!

Karen!
Good Luck on your hearing!!! I feel like I will be there soon enough, so depressed lately, working so hard with school, for what???? Anyway I am happy you got your hearing
Mindy

 
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