Sign Up Today!

farmgirl12 · 04-25-2012, 07:24 PM

OK why is it that my husband understands sometimes when I am in pain and other times he seems to forget. He has been in a mood the last week so i have helped him on the farm, taking down fences and putting up others, also cooked him dinner all week, and cleaned the house.

WoodsWalker · 04-25-2012, 08:33 PM

Vent away, it does help sometimes doesn't it.

farmgirl12 · 04-25-2012, 08:48 PM

Thank you WoodsWalker , you are right it helps to vent better than getting a drink lol

nochange · 04-25-2012, 09:45 PM

This is because it is hard to people to understand what chronic pain is.
Take any medication that will allow you to function. There are some...not so many.

I "used" to have friends and I explained it to them and they just ran away. Or some of them stayed but don't want to hear about it.

thefarm · 04-26-2012, 10:33 AM

I know how you feel... I've vented here many times about my husband... It's tough when you need their support. I've even told him that I could live without his support but I don't need to hear him talk crap. The only time he understands is when I am vomiting because of it. I'm learning to try to communicated better. I will tell him I have one of my headaches, nauseous, really sore, exhausted... Or ibs is bad & can't leave the house... But it's like he forgets I say anything. He makes very hurtful comments. I'm doing my best but it's never good enough for him. We have a farm & I will do what I can. But I've had my husband mostly taking care of the animals. But he does an awful job so I have to go down sometimes & do what's needed. These days I have my kids helping with the farm more. It took a long time for me to tell him I just can't raise farm & game birds anymore... But we have 4 kids (2, 8, 9 & 12) & it's tough. I'm also tire of suffering to make him happy!
He insisted going to a movie a few months ago & I kept havin to run out to puke. He wanted me to go on a motorcycle ride with him recently & I was miserable. I do not help with fences, bales of grass, clean stalls or anything like it anymore. But with back issues I couldn't anyways. He gets frustraited & still in denial, thinks it'll go away. He thinks I just need to be busier like I used to, yet he feels bad when I over do it & I into a flare especially if I get sick. So I just don't understand him. He acts like it affects him more than me... Why <is he> so self centered?
Anyhow, sorry so long, I just know how you feel.... Sometimes we just have to say no & take care I ourself. They aren't the one that ends up suffering, we are!

farmgirl12 · 04-26-2012, 06:38 PM

I understand the farm, this year I sold the cows as I could no longer deal with them to much pain you know. We are now down to chickens a few lambs and the two outside dogs, husband this year has the brillent idea to plant rasberries and said he will do all that's needed for them and it will be a pick your own field but we all know how long that will last, just till the first picking. I think I will have to get a wheeled stool and use that to pick. I just want him to understand what I go though

I'm on gabapentin, hydromorphone, Ibprofen, fetonal patch, which he watches me take all the time but I think he thinks I take them for the fun of it. Sorry venting again.

thefarm · 04-27-2012, 07:54 AM

Vent away!

Trust me, I know how hard it is & really does help to get it out! At first I vented to a friend then I felt like an idiot because there's no way she understands & I just felt like a whiner. Luckily she's a wonderful supportive friend! It feels great to be able to vent here because I know everyone understands the fristraition...

I had my husband go to my 2nd appt with my Rhum. My Rhum gave him a short answere that made it sounds like it was in my head. The next day my husband says " I wish you could just tell your brain not to feel pain". Grrr Not long after he said "if I were you, I'd just take some pain pills & get moving". Course he's seen what happens when I over do it, pain, fatigue & really sick.
I've saved information for him to read. Only the stuff that pertains to me... The first time he sai he doesn't believe most of it... I was mad...
My Physicologist had good advice. He said that it takes 2 yrs for them to accept it. It has taken him that long... But still in denial. But my last appt with my Rhum, he said exercise helps. Somehow my husband thinks he said that exercise will cure this... So I seen another Doc on Tuesday & had her explain it better.
My Phyicologist also says that it's natural for a man to want to "fix" everything & that my husband wants to "fix" me but can't.
Anyhow, I can keep going on all the times he's hurt my feeling, rude comments, ect. There's been many times I thought about divorce. That atleast if I wasn't married, I wouldn't have to feel like such a disapointment all the time...
With the farm, we still have lots of chickens, ducks, geese, pheasant, chukar, quail, turkey & pigeons... We actually had hundreds of birds & got rid of allot... But we are incubating about 10% what we did last year. I'm making sure to not hatch too many & making sure my family will be doing what they are supposed to, to help... We have a Alpaca Llama (used to have 14 alpacas & llamas), I could part with him. He loves attention! Then we have a St. Crux sheep that was abused, took 2 yrs before he'd let us near him. Then I recently trades my 2 Soay Girls for 2 baby dolls, one of which gave birth a week later! Lol
My husband insisted on a garden so he's been working on that. He & the kids were put there yesterday. I've been workin on sprouting seeds which has been way too much work! Lol I do strawberries every year & we got blueberry & raspberry plants this year & also a new apple tree. We got cherry trees last year...
Luckily the 3 oldest kids are old enough to help! I think I'm going to have to start paying them soon! Lol
I don't know how I'm gonna make it through te next few months... I just know that if it weren't for the kids, I couldn't...
I thought about trying the spoon theory but I know he wouldn't get it...
The other day at the dr office they needed to know all the pills I take. I had a long list, only 1/3 is prescription, the rest vitamins & minerals. My husband was like geeez... But I told him recently that I don't go to the drs, get all these tests or take so many pills because I want to!
For a long time he'd make comments on my weight. But I tell him that atleast I exercise! So he finally started working out again lol However, I put exercise at the top of my list & don't do stuff I really want to do because I can't do both...
A friend with Fibro once told me that if something you enjoy becomes work, get to of it! Great advise! I need to get rid of all the birds, I just can't do it yet...
Sorry so long! Your situation is sooo much like mine! Lol It's good to be able to talk with you about it

farmgirl12 · 04-27-2012, 08:20 AM

The farm I am so glad to have met you so to speak lol, I feel that you can understand what I go though with the farm. Darn husband told me today he wants another puppy nice means more work for me as he works nights and sleep half the day , we have two dogs inside already. I have a daughter who is 20 and lives at home but is no use in the help line what's so ever. My some who is 19 next month was the big help around here always making if there was anything he could do for me is now in the marine corp.

thefarm · 04-27-2012, 07:18 PM

Glad to meet you too

I have a brother that's a Marine, Brother In Law is a Sargent in the Army, my sister was in the Army & Dad was in the Navy. Imagine them when they get together! They each think their division is the best! lol
That's great your son is a Marine! Hopefully he's staying safe! My brothers have been sent over to war way too many times...

Is there anyway you could get your husband & daughter to go to a doctor appt with you? Maybe it would help... What could you do to have your daughter help more? Even if she did just the dishes or vacuumed it would help you!

For the puppy... Yikes! That would be more work for you... You should both want the dog or you will feel resentment tword the dog... Maybe give it time? Maybe a do from a shelter instead so you don't have to do the puppy training? I used to do canine rescue & I never once had a bad rescue. It seemed like they appreciated the 2nd chance... Plus vet Check, shots & fixed is in the adoption fee!
I have a white lab who's turning 16 next month. He's my first baby! Boy has he been expensive though... Always been unhealthy & never thought he'd see 12... I guess it was the surgeries, meds & expensive food lol We also have a Lab & Golden retrieved. My brother in law's lab has been staying here also. Then we have 3 cats & 4 feral cats we tool in. I have 2 that will be going to a new home soon. They have had their shots, fixed & tamed down. With 4 kids it's a busy house! Lol
I found some neat Fibromyalgia Awarness videos on you tube... I was thinking about showing them to my husband. But last time I showed him something like that he asked why I sent it too him... Don't think he cares to really watch... Anyhow maybe you could show hubby something like that? I don't think my hubby will ever get it... But maybe one day he will...

Ps- I type on my phone & spell check seems to change my words, ugh..

Cerene · 04-28-2012, 04:19 AM

I'm not in the same boat with the farm thing, but it was like that when I lived with my Dad still. When I was diagnosed he would never understand why I wasn't able to do a lot of the things I had been doing before (I was only 18 at that point) and got rather angry at me about it. Those were not happy times. I took him to my mental health nurse (who also had Fibro) and he came back just saying that I needed to work out a lot and I'd be magically better. Could never get him off of that idea. 3 years later and he actually asked me the other day if I still had those "aches and pains" Oh yeah, cause they just go away. So I explained again and I think he maybe got it? I dunno. Men are dumb. My Fiance is the first guy who's really been understanding about my illness, but then again we've been living together for a year and a half and had been there through the crying, emo moments where I didn't want to keep going, and the sick.

thefarm · 04-29-2012, 08:50 AM

Lol yeah my kindle fire messes up words even worst... Then if you turn spell check off you are so used to it that it messes up also...

When my hubby is sick he is such a baby. He doesn't leave the bed & wants everything brought to him. I do my best to keep 4 kids quiet... Then when I'm in a bad flare he gives me a hard time about laying down in bed. He'll finally understand that it's bad... But he will bug me & doesn't bother to keep kids quiet..
When he hurts I hear about it constantly then hen he's tired I'm supposed to feel sorry for him. Usually if he says he's sore or tired I don't say anything. The other day I said I've keep been exhausted & sooo sore. He has to of course say he's been sooo tired & his arm is sore from splitting wood. I said I'd trade him... Of course his fatigue has to be the same as mine. I'm like nope, I remember being healthy & it's not the same. Oh well... I just wish I could trade places with him for a day. I doubt he'd leave thee bed on a good day... Men can be such wimps...

Sign Up Today!

Join Our Newsletter

Whoops,

Thank You