I have been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Lyme disease. Many, many symptoms over lap in the different diagnoses however I have only heard about emotional numbness with PTSD. I have been emotionally numb for over three years. This was about 6 months after losing my career and home to illness.
My grandfather who raised me died and I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel sadness. My daughter had a child and I didn't feel any joy. I don't feel any connection with the baby and I am ashamed to say that I can not feel love for the baby. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I am no longer me. I use to have the best personality but it is gone.
I have a psychiatrist who is aware of this. He is constantly switching my meds but nothing is helping.
Has anyone had this happen to them? If you have gotten better and can feel again can you tell me what helped you? I am so desperate! This is no way to live!
I am going to visit a best friend who I haven't seen in 4 years at the end of the month. I don't know if I should tell her because she will notice that I am different.
Thank you so much for your time! Many well wishes to you!
studies are being done on ptsd in fibro patients. they are finding more of us get ptsd from fibro due to it's life altering way of barging into our lives with combat boots on. talk to your shrink about it. best move you could have made was to get a shrink. you will need help adapting and going thru the stages of change. i got one.
for myself i found meditating helped the most. just focusing on who i want to be. it started as make believe and now it is mine, i own my happiness, my joy and my sorrow.
the body has a way of protecting itself by shutting down aspects of our minds. you will find your on switch again and be able to feel, really feel your life. there is nothing special about me and i managed to find myself again. so can you. till then don't beat yourself up about it. it is what it is for now. tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities.
The Following User Says Thank You to bluelakelady For This Useful Post: sylviasix (05-11-2012)
My Phycologist says I have PTSD & that's why I have a dissociative condition called Derealization. For me I feel like I'm living in a dream, not quite awake. I guess it's a drugged feeling. It is emotionally numbing & there are times I should feel really happy or really sad & don't. But sometimes I get overly emotional. Sometimes I get my feelings hurt to easily or overly angry at someone. I've had this for 13 yrs, constant but used to it. It sux. I remember the feeling of happiness or having a burst of energy. Just remember feeling so alive & haven't in sooo long... When my 2nd child was born, I didn't connect with him like I had his sister. But it didn't take long & I did feel that total love for him, just took longer than it should have.
I don't talk about my childhood. Went to my physicologist numerous times & never did. Then when I felt comfortable enough to do so, I never went back because of financial reasons. Supposedly I need to talk about things that happend in order to get over it. For me it's like another life time & I like not letting things bug me from so long ago. But it has caused me to disconnect from myself. I guess it's my body's way of protecting itself. In many ways I believe this theory because nothing else has ever worked. But at the same time I feel like something else is causin it... I dunno... But I am trying to be open minded & think about things I forgot all about.
Does this therapist specialize in disociative conditions? Maybe see if that's what could be wrong & if so you can find a physicologist close by thy specialized in it. Worth a shot if you can do it!
I often feel completely numb emotionally, but also have days when I am fine and days when the slightest thing makes me feel like spending an hour crying about it. I was never like it before getting fibro and think it is just the way I can never be sure what kind of a day I am going to have with it, how it will effect me today, what I will have to deal with, all the usual stuff which comes with living with fibro.
I have suffered from severe depression before and find the numbness similar to really bad depressed days - you would do anything to just feel something. Hang in there, it will get better :-) And I would definatley be telling my friends about it, just because even if you haven't seen them for a while true friends will always understand and be supportive of how you feel and may even be able to help somehow.
I really hope you get your joy back soon!
The Following User Says Thank You to bluemoondaisy For This Useful Post: sylviasix (05-11-2012)
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a few months ago. I went through major depression following three miscarriages from 2009-2010, the last one being the worst in 2010 as I was further along after infertility treatment (IVF). I went to grief counseling following the losses but because I have type A personality and already suffered from anxiety, I could not cope with the loss on both ends( emotionally and the whole type A thing). As a result, my body broke down and now a year and half later, I am having sleep disturbances, major pains in my shoulders and neck areas, lower back regions and I have lost all of my zest for life. For me, it just seemed like everything stopped once we lost our son in 2010 and I could not find a way back to real living. So, I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel emotionless. I feel like I wake up in the morning and I am just going through the motions. Sure, I have days when I smile and I feel happy but I just can't get back to the innocence so to speak of before infertility and loss and pain of the miscarriages. And now add on the Fibromyalgia and the physcial pain I endure from this disease and it seemd like a double edge sword. I hope and pray for everyone on this blog that they find the way to some peace and comfort from Fibromyalgia. I know if does help to talk to people who are going through and understand. Thanks for reading and listening.
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: >karen< catkaru (05-21-2012), sylviasix (05-11-2012)
There are often deficiencies in neurotransmitters for FM patients. I had a panel of 12 neuro transmitters, and 9 were low. When I read what each one did, there were interesting descriptions like influencing impulsivity, feelings of reward, pleasure, motivation. It sounds possible that these could be responsible for your "numbness". We are walking chemistry labs. I don't know what the solution would be for you. I have no success with any anti-depressants, they can make me much worse. right now I have found someone who treats endocrine problems with hormones and supplements. I found her on a thyroid site. I can't report success yet, but mostly just want to say I think it is in line with research about fibro and the brain. It seems to involve neurology more than muscles and somewhere in the mix are hormones and neurotransmitters. I believe that is why meds coming out are more brain -neurotransmitter- based.
The more I read on this board, the happier I am to realize it's not "just me."
I've got this too, and it started right after my symptoms came on.
I had to explain to family that I'm not ignoring them, or trying to be rude, it just doesn't "occur" to me to respond the way I used to.
It's hard to put a finger on, but now that I read this thread, I'm closer to figuring out why.
Since this thread started I have read about sometihing called "restricted affect". Your affect is your outward expresession of emotion. I first saw reference to it in an article suggesting fibro patient's phisical condition is further hampered by a restricted affect. ordinarily I get my hackles up when someone suggests anything close to saying this is in my head.
After more reading, tho, I saw another article about both neurotransmitters and their subsequent worrisome emotions creating a heightened hypervigilence. FM patients have higher levels of excitatory messengers which are thought to increase the effect of pain signalling. maybe they have had not only our pain awareness volume turned up, but also our fight or flight awareness stays elevated so long, that it effects our autonomic systems.
The article on the effect on autonomic systems made a lot of sense. If the estimate that 100% of fibro patients have adrenal insufficiencies is correct, that would expkain why. We would have been hyperadrenal first, and then the adrenals wear out and we can't produce enough cortisol, so we have no energy. Then since the drop off of cortisol at night is what makes us get sleepy, that drop off, failing to happen (which is what the graph of my cortisol levels shows), disrupts sleep further, and the chain reaction goes on and on.
I think everyone should be aware of the concept of catastrophizing. I don't think everyone does it, but some people do. Anyway, that's where I would start reading if you have time. Hugs all around.
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The Following User Says Thank You to Rhaquel For This Useful Post: thefarm (06-17-2012)
Rhaquel- Thank You for the info. I've been reading about Adrenal & Cortisol lately when I get a chance. I'm looking into vitamins & stuff that help balance them. I have been taking DHEA & do think it may be helping. I've managed to get more done than usual. Course I've been doing too much & hurt bad today. Still have family trying to push me to do more. I haven't said anything about how bad I hurt. You'd think they would be able to see it alittle... Anyhow, I'd love to hear more about what you find if you come across anything else
This week I saw my doc the day after getting the shaft in divorce court. My labs are improving, and as we discussed what I could afford to do, she said the DHEA supplement I'm taking should definitely be continued longer.
I am not supposed to exercise right now. I think it's been 4 months. She said if it wipes me out, and makes me need to sleep after, don't do it. Also had a protein powder/drink added last month. 25 gr, 3x day. Wasn't getting enough protein compared to carbs. Reduced simple carbs to keep from having sugar dumps. If your adrenals can't keep up with the sudden drops in blood sugar after carb loading, then your body will use adrenaline, and that can cause you to feel anxious.
Most importantly, support your adrenals. Don't stress them when attempting recovery. I don't watch stressful movies -- well if something comes up and I can't make myself turn channels, I make a conscious effort to say It's Only A Movie. I also look away, and breathe, getting that fight/flight response to go away.