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Old 06-02-2012, 12:42 AM   #1
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Rude comments from family over being sick

My daughter's grandmother (my ex mother-in-law) went and told her the other day that I posted a new disease on facebook (she was talking about my rheumatoid disease), says where do I come up with all this stuff, and if I was so sick, how did I think I was going to be able to work.

Now she claims she said this out of concern.. but my daughter said she showed no concern whatsover.

To me, it is clear, that a remark, "where does she come up with all that stuff" is a remark that means she is making up being sick. How would you all take that comment, as to what it means?

Now she thinks she can get me for slander because I posted on facebook what happened without mentioning her name by the way,, but slander means false accusation anyways, which is exactly what she did to me, when she tried to mess with my daughter's mind and make her think less of me. so for her to think she could take me to court over slander, when that is what she did,, makes her a moron.

reason she felt the need to run her mouth is because I hadnt talked to her son for over a week after I asked him to not talk to the dog because I was taking a final exam online, and he blows up and acts like a 2 year old.. so I'm so sure she was making those comments out of concern.

 
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Old 06-02-2012, 06:37 AM   #2
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

hi,
relax. nobody can do anything to you. it's fb for heavens sake. you should see some of the junk i read there. giggle.
personally i would consider the source and let it go. this is beneath you. you are wiser than that. so what if she said that? does it really affect your life or what you think of yourself? it should not. you know you and that's all that counts.
my dad used to say, let it roll like water off a ducks fanny. words can only touch you if you let them. so don't let them.
remember it takes two to stir up compost. don't touch that spoon! you are too nice to fall for that trap.
hugs and peace,
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:36 AM   #3
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

I agree... My family used to tell me that my ex said stuff to hurt me & I should Not let him have that satisfaction. If you let these words hurt you, then they win...
The fact is that she wants your daughter to think less of you. But all it's doing is making your daughter think less of her grandmother instead. So if you let it bounce off you, you win I'm not sure how old your daughter is but kids are smart! They see things that you think they don't. I'm sure your daughter knows you are sick. She knows you enough to know better. My 12 yr old is very helpful when I tell her I'm having a really bad day. But I only say this every once in awhile when I really need the help. If I said it often she would become bitter & not take it as serious.
Anyhow, please don't let it get to you. I know it's hard.. Trust me, my husband says hurtful things often enough but doesn't even understand why he makes me mad lol But stressing about it only makes you hurt more & the fatigue worst... Don't let words like that hurt you. You are a better person than she is. Dust her words under a rug & step all over it
As for slander... If she took you to court the judge would laugh at her. She would only make herself look stupid & immature. I say let her try! You could always us a good laugh right!

Take Care of yourself, you deserve it!
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Fatigue & Derealization (PTSD?) 1999
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Last edited by thefarm; 06-02-2012 at 09:48 AM.

 
Old 06-02-2012, 10:48 AM   #4
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

I can definitely relate. I quit speaking to my mother-in-law after the first 10 years. It just served no purpose. I say white, she'll say black. i say black, she'll say white. Some people are toxic. Do you have a reason to keep her as a friend on facebook? I changed my privacy settings and unfriended my sister. She's bi-polar and went on a campaign in a manic phase. She has been totally respecting me ever since. I know she's mentally ill, so something else will come up, but I am glad I just ended that drama. I am trying to recover my adrenal health and I'm not supposed to have stress. I took that seriously. Me first when it comes to organ health. I wish I had put my own health first long ago. Now I have developed more health obstacles, because I tried to be a pleaser for too long. Divorce here I come. Of course that's not a bit stress free, but I literally could not physically keep up with the demands on my body and mind.

Take some deep relaxing breaths when you start to think about it. Change yoyr bodies reaction to the tought of her. She does not have to send your blood pressure up. That is not worth it. A doctor told me all this years ago, and I didn't listen. Now I have to. Control the situation or your reaction to it, or you will pay. She's not going to change.

Good luck! I know it's easier said than done, until it's easier done than not.

 
Old 06-02-2012, 08:08 PM   #5
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

I've already been through so much emotional abuse from that family. When I divorced my ex 12 yrs ago, that's when it all started. They caused my kids to grow up thinking I was putting on being sick. They resented me for it, and there is still some resentment, but yes they are old enough to know better now.

His mother thinks she's queen of england and can't do no wrong. she told me once people had it way worse than I do, and they still do whatever they want. Said she had a thyroid disease and was tired but she still went out every day. Well she was putting me down for saying that. if she even had half the fatigue I've had, she wouldn't be running around like that, she wouldn't be able. She used to say I was just crazy and all that. For her to come back now and say this, she really hit a sore spot..

It was just a year or so ago, when she made up a bunch of stuff about my daughter (her granddaughter) and claimed everyone up here where we live was talking about her. she thought she'd get her in so much trouble, that I would cage her to the house and not let her have a life. it didn't quite work out that way since I trust my daughter. I knew she was making stuff up, even proved it..

so my daughter doesn't have to high of an opinion of grandma now anyways. both my kids plan to respect the fact that I don't want them talking to her again, I blocked her from facebook and sent her an email and told her to never talk to us again..

guess she thought she was funny though, she went into my yardsale group and posted a nasty letter to me.. for over 1000 people to see..

but I am through with it. I know I didn't misinterpret anything. and yes I did let myself get upset, and I cried myself to sleep, not because of what she said has any meaning whatsover, but because she acts like she cares and then does you that way. it's kind of hard for things to not hurt when your being treated like a dog..

I moved back in with my ex years ago cause I couldn't financially support my daughter on our own. so I'm currently stuck here and his mom just lives around the corner. she came up here to start trouble and he wouldn't let her in to bother me though, that was nice of him..

I am taking medical courses online, and after I start working, I'm hoping I can save the money to move and get out of here. I'm really tired of the way they have treated me and I am going to end up having some peace in my life. I signed up on hud also, just incase I am not able to have enough money to get a place on my own, backup plan.. So one way or the other, I will get out of here and away from all that..

 
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Old 06-02-2012, 08:22 PM   #6
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

You are on the right track! Plans are good. They don't always work out but often thats because something better is coming your way.
I'd definelty apply for food stamps, every little bit counts. It there to help people get on their feet. Years ago I got child care help. I still had to pay allot but I couldn't of made it without the help. Being a single mom isn't easy but there is help.
My ex made life miserable for us. He took me to court sometimes 3 times a month. Anything he could come up with to try & get the kids, none of it ever true. But I had to defend myself so had to have a lot of teachers, doctors, ect to back me up. $19,000 in attorney fees. The guy was a bully, still is. But my husband won't let him push me around like that now. Anyhow, for awhile there his mom would write declarations to the court supporting whatever accusation my ex had twords me. She did that 3 times. Then one day she called & appologized. She'd had a fight with him & hadn't seen the kids in months. They are getting along right now but it's been off and on for 9 yrs almost... But she knows better than to go against me again because she would have missed the kids growing up. Lucky for her I'm so forgiving But it was tough for a long time. Things do get better
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Fatigue & Derealization (PTSD?) 1999
Hypothyroid~ 2003
Back injury~ 2005
Severe Degenerative Disk, Arthritis, Mild Scoliosis.
Fibromyalgia diagnosed 2009
Neuropathy
Migraines?

 
Old 06-02-2012, 09:19 PM   #7
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

I totally understand, having been there and done that. No matter your choice, it's a difficult road, and you wonder if people are causing you to get sicker with all the stress. That's what my doctor told me was going on. It's just hard when you are sick, and the world may be your oyster, but not unless you can find a way to pry it open, and by the time I got mine open it was bad. I'll have to find something besides an oyster, right?

I'm sorry about the situation you're in. Being sick has limited our options, with our limited energy, limited memory, high medical costs. I would love a walk on the beach again. The warm sun or a bit of rain, I wouldn't care which.

Btw: I thought it wasn't slander unless you could prove harm.

So mean of her to follow up with that letter. What a vindictive person. I would think anyone reading it would think she was some kind of weirdo.

I hope you can put it out of your mind soon. Such a difficult situation, thank goodness the hubby kept her out.

Last edited by Rhaquel; 06-02-2012 at 09:25 PM.

 
Old 06-03-2012, 05:31 AM   #8
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

People like her need you to react to fuel them, try not to give her headspace. Indifference is a powerful tool.
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Old 06-10-2012, 04:53 PM   #9
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

I just want to say thank you for sharing. I have issues also, with people being inconsiderate. I am 22/3 years old, and my family does not "believe" that I should/do have Fibromyalgia. They do not understand the severity of my pain, and make crude remarks daily... I am new to the discussion boards, so it is refreshing to share a similarity there. I hope all works out for the Best, Best Wishes!

 
Old 06-10-2012, 05:54 PM   #10
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

Welcome Crissylee!
I'm sorry... It's tough being young & everyone think you should feel great, wait till you get old, ect... My probs started when I was 18 but didn't know why or what was going on for a very long time. I talked to my mom about not feeling well but otherwise kept it to myself. Pretended all was fine. Unfortunetly having a 3 yr old alittle help from family makes a big difference... Maybe one day they'll understand.. Could you have your mom or someone go to your appointments with you? Maybe havig a Dr talk about it will give them a wake up call. Anyhow, glad you joined the board & look forward to seeing you around
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~♥Tori♥~
Fatigue & Derealization (PTSD?) 1999
Hypothyroid~ 2003
Back injury~ 2005
Severe Degenerative Disk, Arthritis, Mild Scoliosis.
Fibromyalgia diagnosed 2009
Neuropathy
Migraines?

 
Old 06-15-2012, 02:11 AM   #11
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

I can sympathise with unsympathetic family. I think they find it hard sometimes to acknowledge something that they can't see. My sister and I are reasonably close but she doesn't get it and I am sick of trying to get her to acknowledge it. Some people just don't want to see what is in front of them or try and pretend not to beacuse the idea scares them (my latest theory with my sister is she is scraed of me being 'incurable') soi they make out like its nothing. They don't get how much that can hurt, especially with them being family sionce they matter just a bit more than other people. You did the right thing by cutting her out though, you do not need that in your life. Maybe working will be hard, but if it is what you want to do do not let anything hold you back! Especially stupid ignorant people!

 
Old 06-28-2012, 02:41 AM   #12
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

Haven't been on here for awhile but thank you all for the replies. I am very sorry you all go through that as well. It's so wrong that people would treat you that way. Currently, I do not talk to the ex mother in law anymore.. makes life so much easier. lol. I am happy with that decision.

I am on the right track. Almost finished with school, will be working, while I take 6 more months for my degree. Then I might attempt to go to college for RN classes. I think social security will help me pay for some of the courses..

I have to find the positive in my life. I can't let it keep beating me to death. Can't wait to start working and buy a home. I am really looking forward to being financially independant.

One problem I am having right now is with my daughter (she's 17). No matter what I do, she despises me. She told me yesterday that she hates me. I asked her why. She wouldn't talk about it. I told her if she didn't tell me, that I couldn't change it. She said no matter what I do, she will always hate me. I had to quit talking to her cause I started crying.

I know she's upset I have been sick all these years. I also know she didn't appreciate me moving back in with her dad, but I couldn't make it on my own, it was too hard. She's also been mad for quite awhile now cause her and this boy had an arguement and she got really upset so I talked to him and asked him to talk to her about why he said what he did, and he told her what I did. I was seriously worried about her, and that's the only reason I did that.

So... everything in my room was tossed out the window in the middle of the night. I was being screemed at, she was throwing things at me, hitting me, told me to overdose, right there was my pills, go ahead, what was I waiting on. It was awful. My son came and got her, picked her up, and made her leave until she calmed down.

I know things have been hard, but I also know I am a good mother. I am there anytime she needs me. I am not controlling, I let her spend as much time as she wants out with her friends. I don't ever screem or yell at her.. I mean, I could show her what a bad mother means but I really don't want to. I don't know what to do to fix this but I am seriously tired of people treating me this way and I know I don't deserve it. She doesn't appreciate anything that I do.

I hate to say this but I think if she wants to keep up the nasty additude, when I move, she could just stay here with her dad, or agree to work this out with me.

I have had the Fibro diagnosis for 12 years but I really have an autoimmune disorder. I don't know if I said anything about this in another post but I had doctors ignoring the fact that I have this. I had a high ANA for along time and I have high antigens to MCTD. My blood work is normal so I've been ignored. Main symptoms are chronic pain and severe fatigue. Also having nerve sensations that bother me constantly.

Normal ESR, normal WBC & RBC counts, no raynaud's, no swelling, just pain in muscles & joints. Severe fatigue.. ANA 1:640, RNP was 7.3 at it's highest.

I'm not a normal case of someone with an autoimmune disease but I do have it.

I don't know if anyone would listen to this but it's a fact. Something is causing you to have symptoms of fibromyalgia. Something more there is wrong. I guarantee it. I was bedridden for many years because of that diagnosis. I lost enjoying the young years of my life.

My neuro rediagnosed me last year. He said that wasn't going to show up like that in blood work in someone who wasn't sick, and where plaquenil helped me was proof I had it. I was diagnosed years after I got sick from a rheumatologist but my internist said it was just fibromyalgia and OMG he was so wrong.. I have also been diagnosed with CFS. Pretty much the same thing. You have symptoms of being sick and they can't seem to figure out why..

If you have severe fatigue and pain all the time, get a blood test for ANA. Get a copy of it and find out what the results are,, because you could have a rheumatoid disease and they may very well be overlooking it.

I suffered for 14 years because of this. Bedridden, feeling unable to complete the simpliest tasks.. very well describes this disease.

 
Old 06-28-2012, 01:43 PM   #13
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

It's time your daughter learns respect. I'm sorry she is being so abusive tword you!
She needs to be grounded from everything. If that can't be accomplished I'm sure there are other ways. Take her phone, tv, ect away. That's great you are a good mom! But it's time she gets a dose of her own medicine. No, don't hit, throw stuff at her or yell. But stand up for yourself, use the tone of voice that says you've had enough. I am firm but loving & it works. But, when I've had enough, I raise my voice & known to yell. It gets their attention. It not uncommon for one of our Kids to lose all privileges (tv, games, music, books, puzzles, ect to make them as bored as possible. Luckily my oldest is only 12. I am not looking forward to the teenage years. However, I am making sure they know what will happen if they get in trouble, nip it in the butt...
If she treats you like that again, you should have her arrested. I know this is the last think you'd want to do but it's time she learns... Maybe look at boot camp?
If possible, I'd move out & let her Dad take responsibility. You don't need this from her. Besides, she's 17, not a child anymore.
I've never been in a position like yours so all I can do us throw out ideas. But, I do know I would make sure my child was punished & didn't get away with it...
You don't need the stress. You need to be able to focus on yourself, your health & your future.
I am impressed that you are accomplishing what you are. You are working hard to make things better. I couldn't do what you are doing, please be proud of yourself & your accomplishments.
__________________
~♥Tori♥~
Fatigue & Derealization (PTSD?) 1999
Hypothyroid~ 2003
Back injury~ 2005
Severe Degenerative Disk, Arthritis, Mild Scoliosis.
Fibromyalgia diagnosed 2009
Neuropathy
Migraines?

 
Old 06-28-2012, 02:48 PM   #14
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Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

It's quite the double whammy you are getting handed here. First being the lucky recipient of medical disorders, and worse that you get a condition with blood labs that defy the boxes doctors prefer to have and label by "normal ranges". That's frustrating when you have that gut feeling that something is wrong, and no way to say "I told you so!". I hate the vagueness of this stuff.

Your daughter was just over the top. What the heck was that craziness-- hormones? I can't imagine how awful that was to see and hear. I was raised by a generation that was so intimidating I repressed most opinions. You would think, "I want to be an understanding parent, who listens, etc." But then she does this, and it's taking advantage of your good nature. Not acceptable public behavior is not acceptable private behavior. You and your prooerty, deserve as much respect from your daughter as society says you deserve from a stranger. No one would be permitted to throw things at you. Why is she an acception to the rules and laws of civility?

I would let that stuff about saying she hates you slide off your back. She is acting like a 4 year old who says something like that. She is reverting to being a Temper Tantrum Throwing Toddler. The four T's. I'm also thinking she should get treated like an adult and have the priviledges of adulthood when she can remain in an adult state of mind.

I am so so sorry she mistreated you, the person who has been there for her every step of the way. Some people get bad parents. you know, BAD parents. She's not one of them. She'll hopefully soon leave the small world she's created in her brain, and come to realize how ridiculous this episode was.

 
Old 07-04-2012, 09:14 PM   #15
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Question Re: Rude comments from family over being sick

I really hate it when parents can't treat kids right and I hate it when people treat other people badly, but a lot of people don't seem to care, and life is a bit hard to handle just because people don't know the meaning of what it means to be kind anymore.

I have a sister that gives her 18 yr old son pot and alcohol, and she tried to get her 14 yr old daughter to get drunk.. Gave my neice (was underage at the time), lortab to snort up her nose, pot, and alcohol. Gave my nephew pot and alcohol. She's mentally abusive to her kids. Wouldn't take them to any dr or dental appts regardless of the situation. Doesn't cook for them. Her daughter moved out recently. My other sister. Well she's not so bad.. but she let her husband (step dad to 3 of her kids) be abusive to all 6 of the kids. Physically and mentally. And I called CPS and let the school know what was going on and they called CPS also and it never did any good. They let parents just lie their way right out of everything. My brother is the only sibling I have that is a good parent and his kids aren't even his, they are his wife's.

My daughter has friends who have pretty bad parents. She knows what it means to be a bad parent so why can't she appreciate the fact that she has a good parent and one that loves her?? I don't know.. It gets me.. Teenage thing I guess.. I really get sick of hearing I don't like you, this is why I don't like you (when I say something and I'm just kidding around with her), or the I hate you remarks. I told her if she cannot stop that additude, when I get a home to live in, that she can either stop that, or stay with her dad. She said she would just stay with her dad, but I really hope she changes her mind cause I couldn't imagine her not being there..

I don't know if grounding and trying to control her at this point is the best plan. She is almost 18 anyways. I don't want to make her miserable,, or reason to dislike me anymore than she already seems to, and I really don't want to have her hitting me either.. I don't know if she would again, but I don't want that.. Hormones, lol, probably is, they rage when she is PMS'ing..

I think when she gets older, she will learn to appreciate me just a bit better. Or so I hope. I think as long as I am good to her,, and am there for her when she needs me, everything will turn out okay.

I had a hard time with my son when he was growing up also. Aggressive, ADHD, used to cuss me all the time, put me down, say the nastiest things, again just a teenage thing, cause now he is 22,, he's in the army, getting ready to get out and go to college to get an MD degree, he always tells me he loves me.. lol.. Things turned out okay with him..

My ex-husband and his parents made my kids so disrespectful toward me when they were young, cause we went through a divorce, and they wanted to take them from me. I have been through alot of emotional abuse. It hasn't been easy, but I am okay now. I had suicidal clinical depressive disorder for many years. I overcame that as well..

The disease, well, I know I have it. Only meds that help me are the meds that treat autoimmune disorders. That's enough proof to me and my neuro that my blood work means something. It may be a mild form but it felt severe to me. It's still a daily struggle but I am better. And it is a shame I had multiple doctors that wouldn't acknowledge that I had this, they just say your ANA is meaningless without other stuff in your blood work. I have had a high ANA for 12years. I ordered blood tests online and went to a lab here and had them done just to see if it was still there. My antigen (RNP) raised when I wasn't taking medication for the disease, and lowered when I was. I had repeated tests showing this. The rheumatologist I went through could of cared less because at the time, I was in a flare, she said since the plaquenil wasn't helping me, but she wouldn't listen, cause it doesn't help the pain much anyways, but it helps the muscle weakness and fatigue. She admitted I may very well have it but would not treat me because the medications are too dangerous. What a pile of garbage. My neuro wanted to send me out of state to a rheumatologist but I couldn't go. He diagnosed it, and now my PCP admitted to me having it as well. But what a struggle to get there. I will never let a dr say I don't have it again, they are full of it.. I know what's wrong, would be nice to get further treatment, but I have to accept that some drs are just IDIOTS and this is how it has to be.

 
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