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Old 08-11-2012, 08:42 PM   #1
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A little rant. Could use some guidance

I'm not sure if I've talked about her before, but my fiance and I share our place with a roommate. We've known her for over a year and she's been living with us for maybe 5-7 months (I can't remember exactly). For 3-5 of those months she has been an amazing friend, then she went away for 6 weeks to New Zealand. When she came back she was moody, angsty, and mad at us for no reason. We've tried talking to her many times and she either brushes us off or just says she doesn't know what's going on. But she doesn't stop taking what ever she is going through on us. She makes me feel like I'm her enemy. The stress it's putting on me is putting me into flare's all the time and making my depression even worse than it's already awful state. We used to be so close and now we spend all day together (she gets home at about 2:30pm and is home all day) and we hardly say a word to each other. We went to the grocery store yesterday, we went to grab tuna. She grabbed whole tuna (I don't like it) so I asked if she minded if we grabbed the flaked stuff. She got all pissy (after being fine before) and said she didn't think it was on sale (I point to the stuff that was) and then she get even madder and said she didn't see it and huffed off. I have no idea what to do. She won't talk to us or stop treating us like crap. Her name is on the lease so we can't get rid of her either. Help? My only other room mate has been the fiance. I mean, I practically lived at my old best friends house for years, but we always talked. If something was going on we would talk to each other, even if we had to prod a little. Prodding isn't working. Direct or indirect. I feel trapped in my own house, and alone, already and she is making it even worse. I hide in my bedroom when she gets home a lot because I just can't take the tension. I want to explode and scream at her (I don't ever scream and have quite a long fuse), but I can't because it'll make it worse.
I feel alone.
On the plus side, we are possibly getting another cat. After my baby boy passed on (cat boy, not actual baby) last year there has been a bit of a void. We have 2 females right now, but it's just not the same. I'm tempted at getting a kitten, but they take a lot of work and energy. It would be nice to raise it from a baby to an adult and not have to retrain already learned habits, but at the same time the energy requirement for a kitten is a little daunting. Our other "kitten" was 5 months when we got her, and is now a year and 4 months. I swore I didn't want another kitten then, but then I fell in love with one at our local humane society. Then they put up a new cat the other day. He came in with a broken pelvis, but he is all fixed up now. He is broken like me, but still friendly. I feel kind of attracted to him for that reason. Any thoughts? Could really use you guys right now
((((hug))))
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Fibromyalgia
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Possible CFS
Possible IBS

Last edited by Cerene; 08-11-2012 at 08:48 PM.

 
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Old 08-12-2012, 02:37 AM   #2
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Re: A little rant. Could use some guidance

Hey there
My thoughts is to ignore her. You do your thing & she does hers. I think eventually she'll come around. In the meantime, it's best to just ignore her & don't let it get to you.

I lost my 16 yr old dog last month, had him since I was 16, 1/2 my life. We have another old guy we Goya fewyrsago but never bonded with him like that. I plan to get a little dogin a couple years, a puppy. It's easier to bond with...
Don't let the kitten stage scare ya. We took in a feralmom & her 3 babies last year. They are all tamed down now. Still have them. I had a chance to rehome 2 of them but I have so much invested in them, especially taming them down. I don't want them left outside & ignored. So, we have 7 cats, indoor/outdoor. So if I can do that, 1 little kitten is a peice of cake Just make sure he's not ping to have bladder issues because of what happend to him... That would cause you way too much work & stress you don't need...

I've learned that sometimes its best to just go with the flow & it will all work out...
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Old 08-12-2012, 05:54 AM   #3
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Re: A little rant. Could use some guidance

If your friend won't talk about this and you can't live with the tension and moodiness, I would kindly and calmly tell her that the tension is making you feel ill, and if she can't tell you what is wrong and work things out, you think it would be best for you all to part ways. Just because her name is on lease doesn't mean she has to stay there. That will give her the choice to work it out or get out. Maybe she would like to leave but feels obligated to stay for some reason and is afraid to say so. Giving her the green light to go may solve the problem.

 
Old 08-12-2012, 07:38 AM   #4
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Re: A little rant. Could use some guidance

hi cerene,
get the kitty who is unwanted. please. giggle. love animals. as for the human, sounds like something happened during her holiday and it hurt her deeply. that sort of lashing out to friends is normally a cry for help. not so sure with your room mate. were you engaged before she went away?
perhaps a nice note offering to listen should she need someone and to tell her you are going to give her space. shop seperatly and fix meals seperatly. lable foods with your names so no mix ups can happen. it's the safest way to have a roomy. sure you can be friends, share a meal sometimes if you both wish it. i would back off to just roommate and if she opens up great, if not you move on and keep it all buisness.
peace,
blue

 
Old 08-12-2012, 07:40 AM   #5
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Re: A little rant. Could use some guidance

That situation sounds very stressful. I don't think you should have to hide in your room, that can make anyone depressed. Otherss have offered good advice. As far as the cat, go with your gut. I'm a sucker for unwanted and "broken" animals. I have a few special needs pets myself. It's work, but I love them, and they share their love with me.

 
Old 08-12-2012, 10:22 AM   #6
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Re: A little rant. Could use some guidance

I was gonna say something like Blue said. My feeling is something happened to her in NZ and she's lashing out at you since you were close before she left for vacation. Maybe doesn't know how to talk about it. Who knows what is really bothering her. Let her know that you are there for her and when she's ready to talk to you that you'll be there.

Sorry the stress of it is making you feel worse. Hugs!!!

 
Old 08-12-2012, 11:52 AM   #7
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Re: A little rant. Could use some guidance

I don't think it's anything that happened there, I think it's that she is unsatisfied with her life here. She's single, but doesn't want to be, she wants to be in school, but doesn't know what she wants to do, she doesn't want to work the job she's at, but she won't look for another one, etc. Don't know why she feels the need to take it out on us.
We were engaged about a month before she left, actually. And she knew it was going to happen for months before I did.
I've reassured her many times that if she needs to talk I am here, but she hasn't taken me up on it. We used to talk, like talks that meant something deeper than normal, all the time, and we haven't since she got back.
I think my SO and I are going to talk to her together and see if that makes a difference.
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Old 08-20-2012, 09:16 PM   #8
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Re: A little rant. Could use some guidance

Update - We all sat down and had a talk. Turns out how my Fiance and I (his name is Steve) have been rather touchy feely since she got home (we just got engaged) which makes her feel like a third wheel. Her hostility has no reason, she is just upset and is taking it out on us. Since then things have been better for the most part. She is still passive-aggressive with me at times...which is really annoying. She is much friendlier with Steve, like, she treats him like a boyfriend a lot. This happened a lot before, which is why I get so jealous when they spend time together (I normally am not jealous), but I could never put my finger on it before. No idea what to do about that. Still been flaring really bad, but it's also my "shark week" so that could be doing it. We will see if it will stay good or if she goes back to being nasty.
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Fibromyalgia
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