I was wondering if anyone on here decided to have kids AFTER they were diagnosed? I'm getting to the point in my life where the possibility of having kids is growing. I've been living with Fibro for the past 8 years and I pretty much have it under control, but I'm a little scared to have kids with the possibility that I may not be able to handle it. Any thoughts/stories would be much appreciated! Thanks!
good question. i have a few for you. do you have family support nearby to help? is your mate helpful and willing to change diapers? do you have to work also? what age will you be when your child turns 18?
while motherhood is a lovely concept it is also a great deal of work and worry. i love my kids but it was a 24 hour a day job also and the fatigue was unbelieveable the first 3 years. for myself i could not do it again given the body i now have. giving my all is who i am as a mom and these days there is not much all left to give. giggle.
it's such a personal choice. have you considered adopting? or better yet doing some foster care to see if you are up to it. often you can get babies who are in transition so that means caring for a limited time then letting go.
sorry i am too old to be the type of mom you are reaching out to but had some thoughts and thought i would but my fanny in. giggle.
I do have amazing parents and a very helpful mate. I work a full time job. I would be 51 yrs old when my kid would turn 18 (if I had one today). It is such a personal choice and I can't seem to decide. I seem to go back and forth with my decision, but there always seems to be a little voice in the background saying "yes, you want a child." I don't think I could adopt or foster a child....so I guess it comes down to what I can handle and the help I have within my family.
I just have to say this because I have 2 kids, 5 and 9 years old. I live and breathe for them. I have no idea what I did before they came along. I can't imagine anyone having to go without experiencing the love you feel for your own child and the unconditional love you get in return. This is my opinion only...but if I had to do it again with the fibro, I would. The feeling of chubby little arms wrapped around your neck and hearing "I love you Mommy" is the best thing I will ever experience in my life. I would go through hell for it....and I did...just not with Fibro.
I hope you make the right decision for you. One that you won't regret later either way. It's a tough choice. I am wishing the best for you !!!!
Agree I would do it again and again! Pain or no pain! My kids are my world, I am in pain everyday, but the live I get from my babies ages 7, 22 mos and 6 mos is enough to make anything in life worth it! If you feel like you want kids then you have to have them! It will make you complete put the pain aside and think about what u want? I am a 14 on a pain scale of 0-10 right now, but as I sit here feeding my baby girl with a heating pad on my back looking at her smile and fiddle with her bottle, listening to me sing to her and making her giggle... It almost makes the pain feel a little less... For a second sure she just kicked me in my chest because she was excited and it felt like someone shot me, but I take a breath and hold her tiny foot in my hand and it goes away. kids are more than rewarding, they are more than unconditional love, there is not even a word to describe it! I hope you decide to go for it... Especially if you have support, I do not but I manage all day alone and when they go to bed I relax and deal with myself... Good luck with your decision I just dont want to see someone who wants kids not have them out of fear and then regret it when it's too late blessings
I have 7 children, 1 grown up and 6 still at home 2 of them babies. They keep me going, on days when I feel like giving up I can't, and some how I get there. If you are worried about the effects on your body from pregnancy with fibro maybe rethink adopting. I have 3 adopted and 3 fostered so can't comment on the effects of pregnancy on fibro.
I have 4 children and right now no way could i have more kids. When I had 2 of them under the age of 30 pregnancy wasnt so bad. I could never hold or carry them for long. Always wanted to wear my kids in a sling but never could. Now when I had my last 2 over the age of 30 the pregnancies were very very hard. My youngest I feel guilty that I couldnt do alot that I could do with my other children. Usually had to have someone carry her as I was afraid of dropping her.
I just always thought ahead of situations and prepared if that makes sense.
Now it was definitely hard but I wouldnt change having my children ever. It was worth all extra pain and sleeplessness. Children are my world.
I'm not sure if what I have is fibro or not but what I am reading on this board is all too familiar so I think that makes me qualified to chime in
My pain got worse with all three of my pregnancies. For a while after my 3rd I thought pregnancy CAUSED my symptoms. I feel I am barely functional at this point. All that being said, I agree with all the mommies on here.
Blue's questions are very good. I was nodding my head through each one. Definitely things you should work out before doing it. But the desire to have children will NEVER just go away. It will get stronger. And one thing I can guarantee is you will never look into your child's eyes and regret your decision to have them no matter what you go through.
please remember we are wired to want kids. as we age the clock ticks louder. it is natures way of keeping us from going extinct. you have to determine if the desire you feel is because you truly want to bring and raise a good human or just the clock telling you you are supposed to want kids by now.
my girlfriends from school had their kids later and wish they had started earlier. why? cause when i was free they were changing diapers. i had one birth child at age 23. i adopted the rest.
like the other moms i would not trade those years for anything. i have a special needs son. also important to realize the older you get the older and less viable your eggs are. same with a mans sperm.
i will say my friends who started later had more patience with their kids. age does have it's perks.
please sit down with your body and really plug in. are you hearing a tick tock or do you hear your heart singing for the joy of gifting love and guidance to a new human.
Welcome to the boards, I will just put in my two cents worth. Wanting to have children is in your heart, not in your head or your ticking biological clock. Relax, don't over think it and just listen. Take fibro out of the equation, because if you really want children fibro won't be the deciding factor. Like some of the other posters said, when those little ones smile and look up at you, when they need you and depend on you and love you unconditionally......well......fibro doesn't matter. You seem to have a support system and that is a step ahead of the game.
Now I have to tell you, I'm a grandmother and I was in my late 20's when I had my two 18mo.s apart. Sometime during those early years fibro kicked in, but that was too long ago for docs to know what it was. And actually I probably had it before that. Now I have 3 grandsons....10, 3, and 4mo.s. And a granddaughter due mid Nov. I babysit all the time. Yes, sometimes I get tired and hurting and gripe to my friend about it, but I love those little boys and couldn't go without seeing them.
So best advice, Listen to your heart!
My daughters are 16 months apart and my pain started in my pregnancy with my second daughter... I wonder if pregnancies so close together have anything to do with anything??? My son is 5.6 years older than my oldest daughter, only mild upper back pains with her but was absolutely miserable with my last one, that's when the dizzy spells started wonder if any of it could be linked?
I don't have kids myself but I can offer some advice both from me with discussions with my doctors and with a close friend who recently gave birth and she has had fibro for a very long time. The problem she had the most was having to come off of her medications. She really struggled. But she recovered quick after the delivery.
I can't have children for multiple reasons (even tho I want them desperately). The biggest of all is I'm on over 12 medications between my Fibro and psychological issues. I would have to come off of over half of them because of the risk to birth deformities.
So just something you should definitely should think about. But if you get the chance I say go for it! Just get yourself prepared for any bumps that may come up.
Thank you for all your input! For someone who has Fibro, I consider myself pretty lucky. I'm not on any daily pain meds and I'm still able to be pretty active. Although sometimes it does kick me where you know where. In my heart I believe I could do this, I think it just scares me sometimes. But having the wonderful family I have, I know they would be there if I would ever need help.
being a mom is always scary. giggle. no matter how old they get you worry. i wish you the best with your child to come one day. that baby will be blessed with a mom who thinks ahead, who really thought about gifting life, and chose it.
i think you will be a very good mom. you already are a good human. glad you got the lighter version of fibro. do please let us know what you decide. giggle.
Thank you so much for those kind words! I remember you from when I first joined here (some 7 yrs ago!) and you've always had such nice things to say or gave such good advice. I really appreciate it. Thank you for being you!
Pyramid, I've said the same thing to blue many times, thank you for being you. It sounds to me like you have made the first step to your decision. Our daughter is 37 and pregnant for the first time. She has always wanted children, but after her divorce from her first bad marriage, she thought she would not have the chance since she couldn't find the right man. Two years ago she did and then she had infertility problems and thought she was getting too old to wait until they saved enough for the major infertility stuff. They were blessed with a surprise pregnancy that was not suppose to happen. She is so ready to be a mom and I know she will be a great mom.
I know with your great support system you will make the right decision.
JaneWhite, Sounds like you have it all figured out too.....you will know when the time is right and I'm sure you won't be doing that 60hr. a week job. Your priorities change when that little beautiful bundle comes along.
I was diagnosed with FM about 10 years ago. The doc thinks FM and wonders about CFS. I think CFS and wonder about FM. Regardless, the fatigue is probably comparable. I'm 54 with a daughter who's 20 and a son who's 17, so they were young when I developed the problems.
The maternal instinct should only be overwridden by commen sense, and more often than not commense dicatates that the maternal instinct should reign, but only you can judge your daily energy capacity. IMHO you should only commit to the responsibility of parenthood if you can do it yourself without help. Most people with experience would say that this is next to impossible, yet many do it all the time.
Again, IMHO, you should not just "want to have children," but you must be able commit to whatever it takes to not just have them but raise them the way you would want to be raised. Your physical condition should give you the answer to this if you're honest with yourself. No matter how noble your intent, the physical body can only do what it can do.
It's a tough choice. I have a strong wife and therefore would not hesitate to do it again, but if I had been on my own I would not be able.
All the best to you in your decision-making process. The only real consideration, IMO, should be the children.
__________________ "The only thing that makes me depressed, Doc, is not getting any answers from you."
People who have disabilities have kids all the time... presumably you have a partner in the equation and you're not talking about becoming a single mom? If life gives you the opportunity for parenthood, and it's something that you'd like to do, don't let your disability stop you from going for it. You can always get help if/when you need it.
~ asthma, allergies, anxiety, arthritis, back problems, high blood pressure, fibromyalgia
I've been wondering about this myself, actually. I'm getting married next year and both my fiance and I want to have kids (I've always dreamed of 3). My fibro is so bad right now that I am house-bound if not bed bound a lot of the time. I'm also not on any medication for it right now as I don't have a competent doctor I trust to treat me. As far as I know I am the only one in my entire family with Fibro, but I still worry about passing it on to future kids and being able to handle them after birth. I have a fantastic partner who would do anything for me and our future kids, we have 3 sets of parents who are very eager for grandkids (they live 3 hours away though), and many other people we could lean on if we needed to. I'm 21, but my maternal instincts are quite strong and my womb already feels empty, ha ha.
__________________ Jenna 22
Heart Rhythm Issues