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Old 11-17-2012, 07:56 AM   #1
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i want to be a cloud

hi all you wonderful people i love,
i want to be a cloud floating in a sky of azure blue all by myself. giggle. i wish. life is so complicated right now. and busy. still in that flare that won't let me be still. good tho. one of my sons was in hospital. gall bladder removal. he was not a good patient and i was 4hours away sick so i ran things from home. had to call the ceo of the hospital but i got results! lee is home healing but has new health problems. cirosis of the liver. he does not drink. he refused to take thyroid meds and his is dead. my son is developmentally delayed. always be 10 years old and is 34. he love hates me and it's cool. i don't care if he hates me as long as he is safe. yes, it's adding to the flare! but of course, giggle.
one of my dots has graves disease. we saw the eye surgeon yesterday. she will be going thru i.v. steroid treatments as well as localized radiation to the back of her eye. then a special lens for her cornea that is flattening out and she will go on a doner list for a new cornea.
my kitty bubba is sweetly asleep with the stars. on wednesday the good doc came and gave him the magic shot to go home. we buried him under a canopy of stars head to head with his mom facing east.
it's been one heck of a week friends. this thing with my son may end up with me gettting power of attny over him and i hate the thought of doing that to him. he is without a phone so there is no way for me to check up on him daily. this is hard. i do my breathing but still find myself holding my breath all the time.
darned fight or flight mode! gotta find the shut off switch on that puppy!! giggle. anyway, may need to chat or lean or cry and just want to give you all an heads up. giggle
peace, love, gratitude for all you all are'
bluelakelady
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Old 11-17-2012, 10:20 PM   #2
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Re: i want to be a cloud

I am so sorry about your kitty . You do have a full plate. Take it one day at a time and 1 problem at a time. I know easier said than done with kids. Prayers and love to you!!! Flare needs to just go away

 
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Old 11-18-2012, 08:11 AM   #3
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Re: i want to be a cloud

Can I hope on the cloud next to you?? Giggles.
So sorry to hear about your kitty. I have to furbabies, and they give me so much comfort. especially my little rat terrier.. Babette.
Sounds like you have your plate so full. Will be praying for that to ease soon. Last month my husband was diagnosed with cancer on one of the polyps when he did his colonoscopy.. needs to re do that in January .. they say they THINK they got it all. Sure doesnt help stress any waiting..Plus a number of other things im dealing with in order to make sure my health care will be taken care of.
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Old 11-18-2012, 08:43 AM   #4
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Re: i want to be a cloud

My dear sister, I'm sending you a soft fluffy cloud. The kind that floats oh so slowly on the warm breezes. You have earned more than a few moments of escape so float softly with some nice relaxing music of your choice, let it fill your mind. Breathe slowly and let your body and mind relax.

You know you can always vent here, or behind the monitor if you wish.

Bubba is back home with his mom,I bet he had a long happy life with you. I do know the sadness and loneliness that comes with loosing a dear pet. Just remember that Bubbas spirit is always there with you.

 
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Old 11-19-2012, 07:30 AM   #5
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Re: i want to be a cloud

thanks mom and rose my thoughts of peace are with you as you wait. that one i know well. one if my daughters is a cancer survivor so we wait every year for ct results. it's hard.
sister, dear sister, my cloud arrived yesterday at 1. lotus and zen were on that cloud and took me away with a heavenly massage for 2 hours in my home. no driving, no stress.
i am grounded and feel so light again. bless you for that cloud for it did come to carry me up, up, up to the place of peace i choose to be in rather than where i was.
today i must rush brother to a doc. urinary infection i am sure. he has no doc, never needs one, lucky guy. then off to the nephrologist for me. alone of course now that bro is sick. 40 min drive to that doc.
i am so happy for bubba i don't miss him at all. i cry during suffering and cherish the peace of death. i feel only joy. he was an awesome friend.
how are you doing sister? whatcha been up to? i'm painting again! at last the desire is back. little spurts but better than none.
peace,
bluelakelady
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Old 11-19-2012, 08:03 AM   #6
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Re: i want to be a cloud

Hi Blue - glad you got on your cloud - can you send it over the ocean to me - my mum is in hospital 4 hours drive away/meant to be moving house but buyers at bottom of chain withdrawn/planning permission rejected on new place etc etc. On a positive note might as well get all the crap over and done with in one go.......
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:09 PM   #7
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Re: i want to be a cloud

YAY! It's great the juices are starting to flow, creativity is one of the best escapes from all the pains and things we all need to escape from.

Me, I've been up to no good. yoga is still getting done. Been keeping busy with my sharp objects and hot pens, to many things started and not much completed. I think that a little (ok, alot) ADD has kicked in so i'm just bouncing with it and along with a big bout of stupid goofy brain farts...we are talking colossal stupid stuff. here's one of the lesser on the stupidity scale. Like ......you know that sinking feeling when you have left a store and get that huge feeling you left your keys in there...as I was DRIVING....duhhh good thing it's easy to laugh at myself

Sweetlife, the cloud is on the way over the ocean to you as I type.

 
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Old 11-20-2012, 06:20 AM   #8
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Re: i want to be a cloud

Woodswalker - it's obviously on a go slow - can you blow on it a bit harder
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Old 11-20-2012, 06:45 AM   #9
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Re: i want to be a cloud

Sorry to hear of everyone's woes. I haven't been on the boards for a while, I tend to withdraw into my own little hell when I'm depressed more so than usual which I know is not good. I'm glad I logged in today as it is somewhat comforting to know I'm not the only one in the world with issues. I don't mean that I'm glad others have issues, it's just less mind numbing to know I'm not the only one. (hope that makes sense and someone does not take that the wrong way as it's not meant to offend)

I have a 34 year old son (my only child) who is a MAJOR part of my depression. We hadn't spoken in almost 3 months which is not new to us, we tend to do this from time to time when we butt heads and it KILLS me when we aren't speaking. No matter how old he is, I will always worry about him and his happiness. Thankfully this last weekend we are back to talking and being "mom and son" again so I'm feeling a little better.

I think this time of the year also plays a big part in the ho-hum feelings I have. I hate the holidays and hate even more that here where I live they decide to dedicate radio stations to nothing but Christmas songs from November 1st to December 26th. I remember the days when Christmas music did not start until the day after Thanksgiving.

So sorry to hear about you cat but I like your attitude about it. With my 8 dogs it's a constant struggle with their health issues. All of them are rescues and each one has their own set of issues. Just recently had a scare with one but thankfully she is better. I have two that are on the old age end of the scale and am watching them closely for the day that they no longer have any good quality of life left. That is so hard for me since they are my life.

My pain issues are just that....pain issues. I'm glad for the cooler weather but in the same breath...not so glad. Well enough of my woes.

I hope everyone is doing well and coping as best they can.

 
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:26 AM   #10
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Re: i want to be a cloud

sweetlife, I'm huffin' and puffin'. Hope it gets to you soon

 
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:33 AM   #11
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Re: i want to be a cloud

hello all you lovely ladies,
blowing my cloud in every direction that you may float with me. had to get off yesterday to take brother to e.r. so glad i was a nurse. taking care of his catheter now. being celibate i jokingly told him, well, if i gotta have my face in a mans crotch i'm glad it's yours. giggle. we laugh alot about all of this. his prostate is enlarged so the med i gave him here at home was the right one and they put him on it. yea for nurse marci, she ain't gone yet! giggle.
draggin my fanny behind me today. however, i will perservere. must get him to my doc today to check catheter and luckily i have an appt at 10:30! perfection.
we are never alone no matter how much we may feel that. we are not. the world has troubles and each human has their own set of junk to cope with. when you find yourself feeing that way reaching out is always the wise choice.
thank you for sharing your load with me. happy to join in the shared energy chain of love that is sisterhood.
peace,
blue
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Last edited by bluelakelady; 11-20-2012 at 07:34 AM.

 
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:37 AM   #12
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Re: i want to be a cloud

hey sister,
you be careful with that add. you may find yourself trying to tatoo your body with a wood burner. giggle. glad you are having fun. mine awaits me under a protective cloth. the day will return.
delivered a message to my son via a friend. no phone by dec 15 and i am cutting him off. he can starve. a deal is a deal. i am so glad i am a tough love mom. it's what my son needs. dang this is so hard. so hard. so hard.
it is what it is and i will make it work somehow.
love you sis,
name sis
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Old 11-20-2012, 11:50 AM   #13
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Re: i want to be a cloud

Cloud is just entering UK air space......we think my mum is able to go home tomorrow although we're still not clear as to the problem but she's more mobile - as always I have a million and one questions - fortunately my brother is a doctor and for once someone else is doing the sorting - hurrah. Will drive down on friday to be with her. And house sale is moving forwards - slowly - so thanks Blue and Woodswalker the huffing and puffing is working. As you know I'm a REALLY positive person and rarely get down but felt like the rug was slowly being pulled out from under me - so the cloud reach me just in time to provide that safety net - and I've spent 30 minutes this evening in a hot shower focussing on all the fab things in my life which really helped me get the return of those positive vibes Up up up we go
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Old 11-21-2012, 08:07 AM   #14
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Re: i want to be a cloud

happy to hear the cloud reached you in the nick of time. blessings of healing for your mum.
taking care of my brother now who has an enlarged prostate and uti. he is catheterized so guess who is inspecting it? nurse ratchet. giggle.
today i deal with the cat my kitty brought home with him late last night. and take bro to the doc again.
the sun is returning for at least 7 days. what a gift. it's been pouring for days. love rain.
peace all,
blue
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Last edited by bluelakelady; 11-21-2012 at 08:07 AM.

 
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:53 AM   #15
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Re: i want to be a cloud

hi all, me again,
a state of mindless exhaustion has set in. day 9 of being nurse, cook, you name it! i forgot how hard it is to do it all alone. dang. my brain is total mush. my body just weeps with owies. my spirit is strong as is my will. rain is coming later today. i am ready to curl up with a soft pillow and just rest.
how are all of you doing?
much peace,
blue
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