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Old 01-09-2013, 03:04 PM   #1
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My love has Fibromyalgia and now he's pushing me away

Hello everyone,

I have been in a relationship with a man for over two years. Since we met, he has had chronic pain and told me that it had started the same year we met around June. He and I started dating in October of 2010. Over the course of 2 years, the pain has gradually worsened and his spirit is down. I know he's depressed and I have done everything in my power to encourage him to continue to seek help from doctors but he's not motivated to do so. No one gave him answers until this past December, one doctor told him he's 99% sure, based on everything my boyfriend told him that he has Fibromyalgia and he immediately prescribed him anti-depressants of which my boyfriend opted not to take because he was completely against it and wanted to seek more opinions and actual testing for it.

I am sad because for the last 2 years, we really didn't know what was going on with him and in those 2 years, we have lost some bit of the affection and intimacy we once had...due to his pain. There were times when he told me that it's probably best that I not go over to his place because he's in so much pain and it even hurts him more to see me sad over it. Initially, I used to take things personally (ie: I was sad when he'd always let go of my hand while we were walking, within only a few minutes!...maybe it's petty - I just didn't understand and I'm the type of person who loves affection - I understand it now so I stopped saying anything about it).

Anyway, my boyfriend is only now coming to terms with the fact that this may be apart of his life, for the rest of his life... I cry thinking about him because I wish he wasn't in so much pain. He has so much going for him and I don't think any less of him. I'm writing because he feels he can't give me what I want, we have had our ups and downs because of all of this, and I too have had trouble communicating effectively because it's something we never address. I never wanted to make him feel badly because of his pain, but I know it's the root of so much pain between us too. I love him dearly and I only want to support him as he's from out of state and I am the only person he has here where we live.

I have suggested counseling / support groups specifically for fibro and counseling with someone who can help us communicate better because of it. I hope I'm making sense....I just want him to find hope again that he can still do things and accomplish his goals and know that I'd be here for him. He's pushing me away now, because he just feels he won't be able to do anything anymore, no family, no kids, etc.

I don't know anymore.. I'm just so sad. I know fibromyalgia affects women mainly, so if there is a male perspective on how to better support a man affected by fibro that would be great!

all the best to you...

 
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Old 01-10-2013, 06:17 PM   #2
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Re: My love has Fibromyalgia and now he's pushing me away

I'm not a man but maybe I can help you understand a little of what he may be going thru. . When you are in chronic pain, it's sometimes easier to push people away and want to be alone than to deal with it and people. I think it's part of a depression that always suffering causes. It can get to the best of us. It took me a few years of figuring all this out and what the rest of my life would be. Kind of like morning the loss of the old me and accepting the new me. A good deal of the battle is reaching that point where you accept it all and that is when you become proactive in finding what works best to gain some comfort. Regardless if it's prescription drugs or a more natural approach.

Keep encouraging him to seek out support, even suggest he talk to his dr some, may help him go in the right direction. Or maybe push him here, sometimes it helps knowing you're not alone in this battle.

 
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Old 01-12-2013, 04:40 AM   #3
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Re: My love has Fibromyalgia and now he's pushing me away

Counselling is a great idea. It's tough to come to terms with a chronic illness like fibromyalgia, and I'm sure it's tougher if you're a guy because it's mostly diagnosed in women, and men have the mindset of being 'the strong one'.
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