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Old 04-29-2009, 03:37 AM   #1
pearl 55
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7
pearl 55 HB User
Am i doing the right thing?

Im new to this thread business. Only went on the site a few days ago its mind boggling what you can learn from other people. Im scheduled for double bunion surgery June or July and since reading all these threads you do wonder if eveything will be ok after the surgery and will it be worthwhile. I dont know quite what type of surgery it is but i will find out then i can compare it to others of the same nature. I would like to talk to others who have had both feet done together and what are their thoughts on this.Also will i need a wheelchair for a few weeks.My husband still thinks i will be able to cook his dinner and do the washing and a wheelchair should be able to help me do these things.I think hes in for a bigger shock than me!!Anyway some advice would be very grateful.

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Old 04-29-2009, 09:37 AM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 8
panthersunday HB User
Re: Am i doing the right thing?

Miss Pearl, you follow your doctors orders when it comes to being on your feet. I had a triple arthodesis with an achilles lengthening done. It took nearly 4 months to get back on my feet and my husband survived cooking for the both of us. He also did the dishes and laundry. I hope he realizes that you can't hurry the process because he wants too. Good Luck with your surgery and keep us posted on your progress. God Bless You. Mary

Last edited by panthersunday; 04-29-2009 at 09:38 AM. Reason: proper english

Old 04-29-2009, 06:48 PM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 103
MsTammy HB User
Re: Am i doing the right thing?

You should have your husband come read these boards! Let him read first-hand the struggles we patients go through! Many of the stories had me freaking out a bit as my first surgery approached but you have to realize that all surgeries can have complications but they also have so many successes, too. If the were all failures, they'd stop doing the surgeries! Also, many of the people who have had successes are not here on the boards anymore, they're out functioning and living their pain-free lives. There are many of us, our stories are just not as frequent on the board.

Back to taking care of your husband... first of all, YOU come first. If you can't do things, you don't do them. Period. Doctor's orders. It's nearly impossible to even get up to move with one foot being done, let alone two! A wheelchair is to help you get from place to place, not to help you do housework. Dude is going to have to accept the fact that he's gonna have to step it up for a few months and get the cooking/housework done himself for a while. It may not be up to your standards and he'll complain about about it but tough patooties. Your recovery trumps all of that. You cannot do those things, even with equipment to assist your mobility. You will not have the physical or emotional strength or energy to do it. In the next couple months, he needs to start re-conditioning his mind set and maybe even learning how to do the things that you do so that he is not in total shock when the time comes for hime to take over.

Old 04-30-2009, 04:24 AM   #4
pearl 55
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7
pearl 55 HB User
Re: Am i doing the right thing?

Thank you MsTammy for your advice i think all that you wrote made sense to me but its another kettle of fish getting my husband off the couch with the remote in his hand. In all the 35yrs we've been married i've only known him cook any meals about 5 times, hes just not cut out for it he tells me, he never knows how long to cook until its done! As for washing the clothes he wouldn't know how to switch the washing machine on. I think your right i will have to get him started right now on learning all these chores. I think the reason i have left the surgery so long is because of this. So here goes, his first lesson will be tomorrow.

Old 04-30-2009, 06:06 PM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Vermillion, SD, USA
Posts: 138
scribytoo HB User
Re: Am i doing the right thing?

Just a Mother did everything for my Dad much of their married life. Then came a time when they were apart. Suddenly my Dad discovered he enjoyed making meals for himself and others. He got to do things his way. Perhaps if you assure him that you're willing to guide him from your chair or he's welcome to do it on his own, he will discover something new. I had a triple arthrodesis which involved the fusion of 3 bones. I was in a wheelchair, almost exclusively, for 12 weeks. I would have loved to do some cooking or laundry but it was too difficult from a wheelchair. Some people can do crutches, knee-rollers, etc. but you have to have one good foot to do it. Even going to the bathroom will be difficult with two feet you can't walk on. So...he'll learn. Don't let him cause you to do more than you should because it will only make for more problems down the road. I've had two friends that didn't stick to strict non-weight bearing and ended up in surgery again. This is a time-out moment for you. But you have to be the one to let go, sit, and let him do this his way as he learns it. My husband has told me on occasion that he doesn't do things because he doesn't want to hear what he's done wrong. So it's been up to me to accept his help on his terms.
Best wishes.

Old 05-01-2009, 09:34 AM   #6
monster bunion
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Posts: 212
monster bunion HB User
Re: Am i doing the right thing?

Just wanted to add my two cents... foot surgery seems to affect the whole family. Forgive me if this is too bold, but women seem to be the glue that holds the family together. Once mom can't do things, the household seems to unravel. Women seem to handle change better than men. My husband was really terrific in taking care of things, but it did take its toll on him. He was tired, frustrated, and depressed because he saw me in pain alot and he felt helpless. Guys like to fix things and make things better. With this surgery, he had to stand by and watch me suffer and that hurt him. So, just be ready for some emotional stuff. Guys try to keep things in and not show emotion. This foot surgery will be a trial for everyone, but you will all get through it. Good luck.

Old 05-02-2009, 02:23 AM   #7
pearl 55
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7
pearl 55 HB User
Re: Am i doing the right thing?

Thank you to everyone that has replied to me i am overwhelmed by all your support.Its good to know that you have all been through this and come out ok i hope at the end of it. My husband has read all your threads and he realises that this problem is not going to go away and has accepted he has to take responsibility of the household day to day chores. I think by reading everybodies threads he knows that this is real and i maybe will not be able to run the house as i usually do and he will have to take over. Anyway there is plenty of time for training before i have my operation and i did start today and he helped by doing the ironing

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