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Old 02-09-2013, 10:53 PM   #1
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Need to vent...

This isn't a medical question...more like a people are annoying issue. My aunt offered to come over and help out getting me lunches etc while my hubby goes to work. She came once, the 2nd week so far. She was supposed to come the next week, but told me via email something came up and then when I said we would figure something out, tells me she could come after all. My husband had already rearranged his schedule so I said forget it, Then she was supposed to come last Friday but cancelled due to snow.

Now I hear via my sister-in-law that my other aunt, these are both my Mom's sisters, tore into my Dad at a senior card game that he should be helping me more. My Dad is 79, and my Mom passed away in March. He has been depending on my help (and my brother's ) help for a lot. He is just now handling his own stuff. Then she throws in that he should send his cleaning lady over here. That is where I got ******. So basically the aunt who was here told my other aunt (who hasn't even picked up the phone to check on me) that my house is a mess...Wow. I will be the first to admit my house isn't perfect. We had a bunch of stuff in the works and then right before Thanksgiving I am PWB and in a boot. Priorities change. I also work full time, have an autoimmune condition where I have major back issues, run a volunteer group that does amazing work, and my husband and I help his parents - his mom has dementia. So a super clean house is low on my list.

I did hope my Dad could have stopped by and helped with lunches, but before the surgery, if I brought it up, he grumbled so I didn't bother him. I am more annoyed that my aunt blabbed to her sister about my house... And that she then made it her business to scold my Dad. Seriously if it such a big deal why didn't they call Merry Maids for me. God knows they can afford to.

Now my Blabby aunt is supposed to come this week...mainly to pick up coffee my sister left here for her when she came out of town to visit me. I don't want to see her, and I have been handling things on my own anyhow. My husband just might drop it off....

The nerve of some people, sorry for the long story. I just needed to get it out to people who know what it feels like to be helpless like this.
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2006 rt ankle tendon repair 2010 left ankle tendon repair
1-15-2013 - Lft ankle peroneal tendon transfer, calcaneal osteotomy, talus bone scope - OCD microdrill

 
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:27 AM   #2
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Re: Need to vent....

Ugh well that sounds really annoying. The other aunt who hasn't shown up or called to check on you has no right to say anything snice she hasn't been there to help. The aunt that has been here, why didn't she just pick a few things up while she was around? Its not your fault and I'm sure your house isn't that bad. I don't understand people sometimes. I'm sorry you have to deal with family drama while trying to get better. Just don't stess too much. Stress isn't good for healing and Idont know what kind of autoimmune thing you have but stress can flair that up I'm sure.

I feel for your dad, I'm sure he wants to help. Maybe he just doesn't know how or can't. But your other aunt and blabby aunt have no right to say anything to him.

Oh family drama..I'm glad my aunts, uncles and cousin all live far away during a time like this cause my extended family would be just like yours...or they would make it about them. My mom, dad and two brothers have been awesome during the last two and I'm sure the 3rd they will be too. Atleast your husband was able to make changes to his work and be there for you this week.
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1/24/11 accessory navicular bone removed

4/5/12 posterior tibial tendon debridement (failed)

2/28/13 FDL transfer

 
Old 02-10-2013, 08:43 AM   #3
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Re: Need to vent....

You know what I've learned? Depend on no one and you're never disappointed!! Although I'm always the one that is always helping and doing for the family, and the one everyone calls for everything, no one has offered to help. My hubby has been taking care of everything here, and they know he would,,,,but it would have been nice of them to ask! My dtr-in -law hasn't even called once to check on us. I guess that what happens when we seem to be able to do it all!!!!
My home is always very clean, but I did a top to bottom cleaning prior to surgery, cause I knew it would bother me if it wasn't cleaned.
Call your aunt and tell her if she's so worried about you, SHE should set up a maid abs and PAY for it!! She needs to leave your Dad alone!!

 
Old 02-10-2013, 02:10 PM   #4
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Re: Need to vent....

I agree with btrfli1, I am always the one when there is a problem, people come to me, cry on my shoulder and I run round like a blue arsed fly, I take time to listen and help.
My surgery........... Still waiting one person came to see me, my husband and my daughter who is only 14 have done everything, they have been great, ok we have got to the huff and roll eyes stage, ha ha when i ask for something, but that's because they don't get it fully.
People are full of empty promises and false hope, and there are a few who are just alive to be able to gossip about others, you really do not need these people in your life.
What's the famous saying when the ****** hits the fan?? You certainly find out who is there for you!
You rant away, because we have these boards and although we are miles apart we are always here to help support and listen xx
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Jan 13 - PTT repair, Calcaneal osteotomy, Gastrocnemius recession, Achilles lengthening
Oct 13 - Screw removal


 
Old 02-10-2013, 03:19 PM   #5
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Re: Need to vent....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Btrfli1 View Post
You know what I've learned? Depend on no one and you're never disappointed!!
Hear hear. Honestly, I have never been in the position of asking anything from anyone until now, and I haven't, in reflection, been the best friend/daughter/sister that I could have been. I guess this has been a good learning opportunity for me

My best advice to you is to be forgiving of the obnoxious aunts (and I do know how hard that is because I have a horrible sister) and just accept whatever modest support your people offer.
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1/18/13: PTT transfer, peroneal longus to brevis tendon transfer, calcaneal osteotomy with medial slide, plantar fascia release
9/11/13: 4 toe fusions

Last edited by PesCav; 02-10-2013 at 03:21 PM.

 
Old 02-10-2013, 04:51 PM   #6
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Re: Need to vent....

My situation is exactly the same. I'm the babysitter, the counselor, the loaner of all things, and I got very little from my family during my recovery. It didn't change the way I plan to conduct myself but it sure did open my eyes.
Pam, you just worry about taking care of yourself and your bum foot. Don't give a hoot what anybody says. If they weren't your family would you care? Unfortunately, what family has to say seems to hurt the most.
Courtney, are you sure you're only 19? You seem wise beyond your years.
Ginger

 
Old 02-10-2013, 05:55 PM   #7
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Re: Need to vent....

There seems to be a common thread among us! We all seem to be type A personalities, nuturers, caregivers, we are givers. I've come to the conclusion that because we seem to be able to "do it all", and manage our own probs, without complaint, people think that we don't need anything. Actually, I don't need,,,,,my hubby and I do a fine job without assistance, but it sure would have been nice for one of them to offer. I tend to be disappointed in others, as I expect them to do what I would do. As I've gotten older, I realize that some are selfish because they weren't raised by generous, loving parents, as I was, who set a wonderful example of giving to others and helping.

 
Old 02-10-2013, 08:08 PM   #8
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Re: Need to vent....

Quote:
Originally Posted by ginger62 View Post
My situation is exactly the same. I'm the babysitter, the counselor, the loaner of all things, and I got very little from my family during my recovery. It didn't change the way I plan to conduct myself but it sure did open my eyes.
Pam, you just worry about taking care of yourself and your bum foot. Don't give a hoot what anybody says. If they weren't your family would you care? Unfortunately, what family has to say seems to hurt the most.
Courtney, are you sure you're only 19? You seem wise beyond your years.
Ginger
Yes, I'm sure I'm only 19. I will be 20 in march. Awh thanks
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1/24/11 accessory navicular bone removed

4/5/12 posterior tibial tendon debridement (failed)

2/28/13 FDL transfer

 
Old 02-10-2013, 11:21 PM   #9
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Re: Need to vent...

Thanks ladies. I have gotten some help. One of my volunteers came over twice. People have brought food etc. My brother took our year old dog for a month. And my husband is amazing. I too don't ask for help because I am usually disappointed. Where I was mad was more about the gossip about the state of my house, which while not perfect is presentable. Especially considering all that is going on.

The funny thing is I emailed the aunt that blabbed and told her not to come tomorrow as husband would be here for the furnace repair. Since she cancelled Friday she said she
would come Mon or Tues this week. I told her she needed to get her coffee, so if she wanted to come Tuesday and get it and help with lunch, cool. But she didn't have to, since I had gotten along last week on my own. So she emails back and says I might come Tues or another day to get the coffee..I will text you when I am coming. So you cause my Dad to get yelled at by your sister, think I need help because my house is a little messy, but now you can't make me lunch. Whatever...

I know I can depend on my hubby. He helped me get to a meeting for our volunteer work today and it was great to get out and make some progress on our event. So focusing on the good stuff.
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2006 rt ankle tendon repair 2010 left ankle tendon repair
1-15-2013 - Lft ankle peroneal tendon transfer, calcaneal osteotomy, talus bone scope - OCD microdrill

 
Old 02-11-2013, 12:19 AM   #10
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Re: Need to vent...

My house is a mess too....sometimes presentable but not like I would like it to be. It is not easy to sweep floors on crutches or scooter. And I can't get anyone here to vacuum carpets every week...I swear my bedroom carpet used to be white...now it looks more like my cocker spaniel!! I am thinking I will have to sit on my butt & scoot around with the vac attachment since I can't push the darn thing. My one sister came for thanksgiving & cleaned my house & did laundry.....I cried...I feel horrified that my own kids & hubby won'tclean up after themselves.

And all the church people who are always saying we should help so & so, haven't even called or offered....not that i care....we can live on frozen pizza & I don't want them gossiping about how messy my house is either. I don't cook much as I can't carry anything...

Vent away!!! It makes us all feel better to know others feel the same as we do.
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FDL to PTT transfer, calcaneal osteotomy with medial slide & lateral column lengthening, gastrocnemius recession, first TMT arthrodesis, bone graft from calcaneus to first TMT joint.....Oofda!

 
Old 02-11-2013, 06:29 AM   #11
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Re: Need to vent...

When I was still NWB and getting frustrated about not being able to do anything, i.e. cook, household chores, etc. I found I could do cooking and some household stuff using my scooter. Made me feel a little more useful and I think was good to get myself active. Yes, it did take longer, but all I had was time. Try to do simple things that you cando and don't stress about the rest of the stuff! If no one helps you, don't worry, it will still be there when we're all healed!!

 
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