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Old 09-10-2007, 11:34 AM   #1
Junior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: US
Posts: 24
goloka HB User
Exclamation I am sick of this, I need help, I can't move on with my life , like this..Please

Guys, I am really need of help at this point.

I have so many symptomes that I can't go on with my life, every minute a new symptomes pops up. I have constant feeling of urge to use the bathroom, need pain, lymph node sharp pain, eye pain, headaches, brain fog, not feeling well, fatigue, mouth problem, stomach problem.

What is going on with me, I am only 23 years old and I am suffering so much from this ****.

Why me ? What did I do to god ? Why do I make bad mistakes in life ?

My exposure was way less than many on this board, but yet I came down with HIV, maybe perhaps a rare strain of some disease.. I have not put my self in dangerous, I see people on this board, having sex with hookers like 5 , 10 times and 13 weeks later they get there neg, and all the symptomes are gone.

On the other hand, I have been suffereing already for last 3 freaking years, and now I am suffering more due to my last mistake. But to many, my last exposure is a simply a joke.

My last exposure was a Hand Job at a massage palor, and guess what I came down with a ??? Maybe a HIV + or maybe something else, but whatever it is , I can't live anymore...

I had it.... 3 Years ago, I had a protected sexual encounter, with kissing, unprotected received oral, and thats it...Non risk to many on this board, but I came down with something and I still have symptoms, doc says hey, I might a CFIDS from this.

Why me, why would I a healthy 23 year old kid, get CFIDS, I get more pain and problem than your grand papa or grand mama...

Than 3 weeks ago, I had hand job, and boom, i came down with prostate infection...Come on who in the da hell becomes infected with prostate infection with a hand job..

2 weeks later , similar ARS problem start.

I have none stop pain , and problem for years and years....Why me ?

I believe I have HIV a rare form.

3 years ago, after my exposure I had my test but it was neg...but guess what ?

I had test for HSV 1,2, and they were neg, but I have HSV 1, since I get cold sore...Why ????

My immune system has went down over the years, and its because of HIV.

Who here gets a Elisa + and WB Absence, I thought they only report + or -.

I am confused at what I should do with my life, many thoughts go through right now, but I have no idea what to do ?

I can't imagine see my self like this, how do I tell my family members, that I was healthy and one mistake and god has punished me for life, while other people ****, screw, and do what ever they please and are still normal.

My buddy who has been with 100 girls, is perfect and healthy, and me only 3 total, and I got all this ****.

What did I do ?

Is HIV death pain ???

I know I have HIV, its just matter of time...

But why, did I have to come down with infection and no one else ?????

Please, any input or help at this point is helpful, cause I have no idea what to do, as I see no point in life with so much pain and symptoms.

Goloka

 
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Old 09-10-2007, 07:40 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: US
Posts: 863
butrfligirl28 HB Userbutrfligirl28 HB User
Re: I am sick of this, I need help, I can't move on with my life , like this..Please

You have no clue what you have, but you are convinced you have HIV? It sounds like your conscience is bothering you. Why do you get sick? Why do mothers die and leave their babies? Why do kids get cancer? Find a doctor and a real diagnosis and stop the pity party. Anyone that has risky sexual practices, i.e. hand jobs in massage parlors, are asking for trouble. You are just as susceptible as anyone else.

 
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