Have your parents ever convinced you that large goals are impossible? - General Health Message Board

Davis28 · 01-12-2008, 03:55 AM

Hello I hope that I have posted this in the correct forum. I am 28 years old now and all of my life growing up my dad has told me how it is impossible to own a nice house since you need perfect credit and a college degree with a high paying job. I always thought that really nice two story houses with 2 car garages were like $3000 per month or something. Now that I am older I realize how cheap a brand new house really is which is very realistic for about $1200 or less per month. The point of this topic is if you had a parent who also tried to brainwash you with false information just because they were too lazy to achieve the goal on their own? My dad is lazy and never had a respectable job although he is retired military but works as a security guard now.

He spends his whole check on useless things to try and impress others when he really cannot afford them. Due to this mentality he has always convinced me that having good credit and owning a home was nearly impossible and that I should just rent a cheap apartment. It is very discouraging to see how so many things he has said were not true and I wish I would have known this right out of high school so I would have planned for a better future.

Seraph · 01-12-2008, 04:28 AM

This post jumped out at me....whatever I wanted do do all through my life, I was told by my mother things like "Oh no, you need to have talent for that", or "No you could never get high enough marks for that". I desperately wanted to study medicine, but got this "No you would never stick to it" etc etc. I studied nursing instead, it was the next-best thing. I spent my whole life believing that I was mediocre. I was determined to encourage my own children to try for anything they wanted, that it is better to have a go and not make it sometimes, rather than always feeling not entitled to aim for the top.

Davis28 · 01-12-2008, 04:56 AM

Thanks for the reply Seraph. Yeah that is another thing my dad would tell me "You would never stick with it and if things go bad you cannot rely on me for help financially or move back home." Even though I wouldn't expect help or to move back home just hearing that is discouraging. I suppose that most people have a stronger work ethic than others so when they have low patience or lack the ability to do something they assume that no one else can do it unless they were born millionaires with special treatment or something.

rheanna · 01-13-2008, 02:17 AM

Davis28,

I got the same messages from my parents. I've spent the last several decades trying to undo those messages. It took me a long time to realize that my parents weren't intentionally being mean or cruel, they really meant the best for me -- they were giving me what they had available to give. That is, they were living under their own distorted messages that they had received from their parents.

I'm glad to hear that you have realized the illogic of these messages at such an early age. You have the opportunity to do things differently in your life than your parents did in theirs. The key here is to practice catching yourself whenever you fall into the old patterns. It helps to come up with some counter-message that you can tell yourself -- it will take a lot of practice, because the old messages are buried deep in our childhoods, but it can be done.

Go ahead and buy that house!

Seraph, I'm glad to hear that you are trying to break the chain by giving a dfferent message to your children!

--Rheanna

Davis28 · 02-09-2008, 02:49 AM

Just a bump since I feel this is a good topic.