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Old 01-10-2009, 05:30 PM   #1
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Overprotective Dad.

Hello, I am 17 years old turning 18 in about 11 months and my dad is being too worried about things. He is always thinking negative about things like when i told him i rode an ATV when i went over my girlfriends house, he started saying all of these negative things that can happen and stuff and also when i went fishing one time with my uncle to be careful. To let him know everywhere i go. I can't stay over my girlfriends house anymore because he is worried something is going to happen to me because her house is like an hour away like geting arrested or something or geting hurt, when 98% of the time we just stay inside seeing tv or a movie with someone of her family always there 24.7 and sometimes we ride bike thats it. The only time we go out is when her mom comes to pick us up to take us somewhere like dinner or when her grandmother goes to the store.

What should i do?

 
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Old 01-10-2009, 07:02 PM   #2
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Re: Overprotective Dad.

He loves you; if all he does is to warn and lecture, then just take it on board, be reassuring and tell him you will be very careful etc etc. It sounds like he is not actually banning you from all outside activities, so this should not be too hard. I am a parent, and I can tell you that, though not all parents verbalise their fears as much as your dad does, we ALL have them. The hardest thing is lying in bed waiting for that key in the door to tell you he/she is safe home. Does he know your girlfriend's family? Introduce them. If he can visualize where you are, he will relax about it. Nature makes the young need to grow up and leave home, but she forgot to program the parents into liking it. Sera.

 
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Old 01-10-2009, 08:33 PM   #3
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Re: Overprotective Dad.

I have two sons also. The hardest thing in the world was to let them grow up. Here a trick you can do to help him let you grow up. When you are headed out-tell him where you are going-how long you are going to be out-what you plan on doing, who you are going to be doing it with, what adult will be there, how long you will be gong and when you plan on starting for home and when you will return. Then when you get to whereever it is you are going, call him and let him know that you have arrived safely. When you are ready to leave to come home, call and let him know that you are leaving...OK it sounds excessive, but it will give him a comfort level and in a few months you will be able to back off a bit.

17 isn't that old after all. Soon you will gone and miss the parental concern, so try to cut him some slack. Do you carry a cell phone? If so, make sure that you have it with you at all times and that you answer it when he calls you! Once you have established a good trust your dad should back down some and his stress level should ease off some. Oh, and leave a phone number of the house you are going to. And make sure that he knows there are adults there!

Iknow it sounds over the top but this is what drives parents nuts! Are you willing to try it? And I'll appolgize for your dad....sorry!

 
Old 01-12-2009, 01:22 AM   #4
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Re: Overprotective Dad.

You don't say if your Mom is in the picture. if so, try talking with her about how you feel. Maybe she can allay some of your Dad's fear.

I know that my husband would've been the worrier if he was still around. Me, I know I did the best job I could. I gave my kids cell phone, road-side assistance, made sure they had cell phone chargers for their cars, and sent them on their way.

My son had and still has a job that doesn't start until 10 at night at best and doesn't come home until 3, 4 or even 5 in the mornings. I sleep through everything. My co-workers all stay up until the key in the door stuff. I can't, I have Chronic Fatigue.

When my husband died, I thought I would be staying up and waiting, but I didn't. In fact, I made my son continue to accept a job with a production company that travelled the U.S. 51 cities in 59 days by bus. He didn't want to leave me so soon after his Dad died and it was his first true time away from home for any length. I just told him there would always be a plane ticket home if he found he couldn't do it.

I have my son whose now 24 and my daughter whose 21 and when they leave the house, they still here -- be careful. Call me when you get there. Have fun, drive safe. And you know what? They still roll their eyes!, but they have no doubt that each minute they are loved. AND when they don't call me?, I just intrude on their personal lives and call them. AND if they don't answer their cell phone? I'm waiting at the top of the stairs or at the door when they return and ask for the cell phone! -- When they say 'why?" I say, if you don't intend to answer my calls or call or text me to let me know you arrived safely then I don't need to pay for that expense! See, growing up does have responsibilities that go both ways

Take the advice of the people here. If you have good communication with your Dad and not sneak around doing anything and keep in touch, it will get better. You are just at the age of doing all this stuff and he needs to know you can be fine out of eyesight. BUT

Keep him in your mind. Think 'would my Dad want me to . . .' because should you ever do anything that puts you in danger, or causes you to be in a crowd that does something wrong -- and you lose his trust -- YOU will never get it back.

Live your life 17, but take care of yourself. For him. he loves you so. After reading this, go ahead, give him a hug and tell him how much you love and appreciate him. Have a Dad and me night during the week. It may help him understand how much you are grown

Take Care
CaringSister54

 
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