I'm very close to the edge. I'm trying my absolute best to find out my problem but I dunno how much more I can take...
It all started in high school...things started seeming unreal, it was just day after day with no emotion. I'd be exhausted in the morning, sleep in classes, and nap after school, play video games, sleep for 6 hours, and repeat. My diet was horrendous during this time, if I even had a diet...usually ate 1k calories a day. Got by with decent grades, although I knew I wasn't performing to full potential (obviously, since I wasn't doing homework at home and sleeping in class).
Well now I am in college, one infamous for the workload. I was really excited to come early for summer classes and got 2 Bs (not bad). I did send one email to my mom saying I couldnt concentrate but didnt think much after. Then the major problems started in the Fall. Not being able to concentrate in class, not doing homework, and eventually skipping classes to sleep in just didn't cut it, and I withdrew. I was allowed to stay in my dorm though, and things went back to neutral.
The problem that I wanted to fix in the fall was focusing..I would look at my work and my brain wouldn't "turn on". I thought it was ADD, but I went to three psychiatrists and all gave me antidepressants (this was before withdrawing) which didn't help any and made me even more tired.
That's when I became a hypochondriac...I became frantic to find a solution to this problem. I came up with hypothyroidism (but had normal blood levels), hookworm, sleep apnea, even parkinsons. I went to the ER because I thought I had a brain tumor (CT scan showed none).
My doctor said I was perfectly healthy, bloodwork was normal besides a slight b12 deficiency.
Now I am in my first week back (I was super excited to come back) and I have already skipped four classes. It's frustrating because people say "just go to class". It's not that simple. I feel like I am dying. I am totally weak and even if I did go it would take every ounce of my body to stay in tune with what is being said.
As of late...throat feels constricted. I am hoping due to anxiety.
Tired all the time. Feel like I am 90 years old.
Everything is unreal (and has been since 2004)
feel deathly/look deathly (eyes sunken, face inelastic/dry/pale). Millions of blackheads and acne. complexion looked 100x better 7 years ago.
either bloated, or lots of abdominal/thigh fat
Unable to do "work". Have no problem watching tv/pc.
hardly ever get mad, but get really mad over stupid things
mood almost always neutral
wake up feeling exhausted, get more energy at night
I insist that it's not depression, but all the psychiatrists seem to have a preconceived notion that it is. Right now I suspect vitamin deficiency/metal toxicity/sleep apnea/adrenal fatigue/I am going crazy. Maybe it is just depression/anxiety. Whatever it is I feel it is a very urgent problem as I am getting closer and closer to the edge.
Last edited by Darko21; 01-11-2009 at 10:06 PM.