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Old 02-08-2009, 08:29 AM   #1
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estef HB User
Daughter - Mother relationship

I am 35 and the only child and always found very difficult to communicate with my mother. My father died when i was 3 years old in an estrange accidente and mum decided to never again talk about dad anymore. In my family nobody talks about him neither what makes it even more estrange.
Through the years it was me the only one that ask mum questions to find out more about dad and she always ended up crying. I always talk her that silence is not good for her or myself that is better to talk, but she doesn't agree.
She ended up going to a help center and she is told that this center has told her something about me and the way i react to her about my father's dead. She won't tell me what they have told her at this center and for what I can guess it doesn't leave me on a positive position. It hurst that my mother prefers to belive about her own daughter something that a estranger has told her. I think she is a very simple woman and has decided to believe what is more comfortable for her, rather than facing things as they are. All my life I have been working really hard to keep my love fore her, should this come natural for your own mother ? Thanks

 
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Old 02-08-2009, 10:21 AM   #2
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Re: Daughter - Mother relationship

I am not a daughter so I would not know how your relationship should be. The best advice I could give is that maybe you whould go talk to someone. Perhaps find yourself a support group or possibly a therapist. Talking, no matter who your talking to, always helps!

 
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Old 02-08-2009, 10:59 AM   #3
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Re: Daughter - Mother relationship

You have every right to know about your father but your mom seems to think she is protecting you from the truth as if it is going to somehow hurt you. Mom doesn't understand that no matter what he has done to her he is your father and you need to know all about him. I think she thinks she is being kind to you by not telling you but she is causing you a great deal of pain and wonder. It is clear that she is never going to tell you and whomever she went to see that says there is something wrong with you for wanting to know is nuts. What you need to do is find out who your dad's relatives are and ask them. Surely your dad had relatives that are still living...if your mom won't reveal who they are then you are going to have to do some research. Go to the court house and find your parent's marriage certificate that will tell you your dad's date of birth and where they were married sometime they have more information on the wedding certificate...like the witnesses go see them or call them or whatever you need to do but start your search and see where it takes you. Stop asking mom anything about dad she is convinced she is protecting you so don't even go there any more...and whatever you do never tell her you are searching. This is not a mother/daughter issue it is any child male or female that has a right to know who their mother/fathers are. Children that are adopted are always searching for their birth parents. It is human nature to want to know so you will have to do some searching on your own and find out the truth. Good luck and never give up. I don't know if your mom loves you or not...some mothers are just not nice people and like anyone they have to earn their love.

 
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