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Old 11-10-2009, 03:38 AM   #1
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Extremely Overly Conscious!

I'm a 21 year old female and I am extremely overly conscious about everything in my life!

I'm overly conscious about my bodily functions, like what I eat and drink and when I do this, as well as my bladder and colon. Because of this, I have shy bladder-I can not and refuse to go into a public bathroom.

I've tried sitting for long periods of time, drinking lots of water or liquids and taking many trips, but I just don't go.
And I've developed some sort of a cycle, where I have a bowel moment every few hours (2-3 hours). And it can go from diarrhea to constipation.

I have a great fear of going out; I've been housebound for the last few years and was somewhat active as a kid and teen, but not hugely. I kept to myself mostly and never had any friends. I was also home schooled, so I did my work at home.

I have no job or in college and I've developed this weird personality, where I do not want a job, go to college, have a car or a drivers license. I seem to have very few interests in this world. I don't read very much, mostly just sit at my computer, either chatting online or watching tv. Sometimes I'll lie on my bed and stare at the wall or ceiling for hours.

I also throw tantrums and fits and cry if I'm upset, in any discomfort or pain. I worry about everything! Like my body, if I'm gonna be able to pee or have a bowel movement correctly. About what would happen when my parents aren't here to support me.

I feel like dieing and thought of killing myself to end it. I am somewhat religious, but I struggle with it. I have major trouble focusing my attentions because I seem to always be in discomfort or some pain.

I had surgery done on my aorta valve; do to a birth defect that was unknown for 18 years. I went to the doctor for hive allergies and discovered very high blood pressure and that I needed surgery. I have tons of food allergies, some foods; cause problems with my intestines and can give me trouble with bowel moments. I've had to avoid many foods and I'm very limited. And if I don't eat enough a day, I get hypoglycemic and can shake, feel dizzy, faint and collapse.

I'm in a seriously rock in a hard place! I'd rather just be left alone in a room with a bathroom I can easily access, as for food, I can't seem to get or afford it on my own.

I feel like I can't function in life or society and I need help to remember to take my medication-I forget a lot-to remember to eat something, to remember to take a shower, to remember to sleep-I've stayed up all-night without glancing at the clock once, to do my laundry, my house chores...

I'm really lost...

 
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Old 11-10-2009, 08:23 AM   #2
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Re: Extremely Overly Conscious!

Honey, you need to get some good counseling. This is no way to live your life. Aren't your parents concerned about you just sitting in your room doing nothing? Don't they push you to get out and to find a job or to take classes?

If nothing else you need to seek help so you can live life outside on your own. You can't stay in that room alone forever.

 
Old 11-10-2009, 08:29 PM   #3
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Location: US
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Re: Extremely Overly Conscious!

You could look into anxiety disorders, and possibly Asperger's Syndrome. You seem to exhibit symptoms of one, or both.

Anxiety about everything is very common with Asperger. Do you find yourself sticking to pointless routines because everything else in life is too hard to control, among other reasons? If so, that would point you toward Asperger, which is a mild form of autism.

Let us know what you find out.

 
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