I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two and a half years. We are doing a somewhat long distance relationship and only see one another two or three nights out of the week. We started off our relationship going out on dates where drinking was always involved. I didn't think either one of us had a problem because it was almost always a weekend night and believed both of us were mainly drinking on the weekend, which I believed to be pretty normal. I started becoming aware that he would drink during the week as well, where as I did not. I have had issues with alcoholism in my family and am a bit sensitive to the whole drinking concept so I have been unsure whether or not he has an actual problem or whether I am simply over reacting. He started drinking each night (2-4 beers each week night and 4+ on the weekends) and I began voicing my concerns about a year and a half into the relationship. I told him that I didn't want to be with someone where it seemed like all of our plans kind of centered around doing things where he could drink. I have totally slowed down my drinking and when we go out with his friends or mine I will only have one or two drinks whereas he will have up to 6 sometimes... Since I chatted with him he has cut down his drinking to where he's not drinking every night. He may take up to three nights in a row some weeks off from drinking but there are also weeks where he drinks almost every night still... I know I cannot change his desire to drink and am unsure if he really even has a problem? Should I try talking with him again? He says he wants to be with me forever and we've even looked at engagement rings together but he doesn't seem to be making a significant change in his drinking...
My dear, he has a problem. Until he can decide if he wants you more than he wants the booze you are wise to steere clear. Your radar has already sent you a warning signal-listen to it. If he is seiour about you, he will either give uo the dirinking or he will go to AA or cut it back to one night on the weekend - and I bet he can't do it.
Well, for one I don't think drinking on the weekends is normal and second I think he is very aware of his problem and more than likely won't stop drinking. Trust me, this is not a person you want to be tied to.
Last edited by SnowBunny2020; 02-12-2011 at 08:10 AM.
The little red flag has been hoisted, hasn't it? It is time to have a talk about your your feelings, which represent a legitimate concern.
His first reaction will likely give you the answer. For him to be the man you need, he must put your feeling first and happily change his habits in order for you to be assured this subject is resolved forever. There is no waiting for problems to begin.
I think we all have our phases of life in which we do certain things, and we move on though them gracefully as possible. When choosing a mate, the partners much both choose healthy minded folks that will be here for as long as possible together.
I hope very much that your man graciously accepts the challenge and put the cork on the bottle.
By the way, thank you for your question...I am in a similar situation with different issues, and by answering your question, I answered my own!