Loss of a parent - Grief & Loss Message Board

poppydad0 · 09-15-2004, 10:27 AM

My dad died three and a half years ago suddenly from a heart attack. I was 24 years old. He was my best friend and I cannot believe how much I miss him. I'm currently going through a bad patch and wondered if anyone else can relate?

Sharalee · 09-15-2004, 08:45 PM

Poppydad,

I'm sorry your dad passed and that you lost not only a father but a good friend. I myself lost my dad 10 yrs ago. He died of liver failure. I was 25 at the time. Since then my life has been on a hell train, and right now my family is SO disconnected it is pathetic. We had no idea he was the glue that held us together. My father was an alcoholic, a nice one as the neighbor lady said. Never missed a day of work because of it, and never abused mom or any of us kids.
I feel I was robbed. I felt I was too young to be losing my dad, as I'm sure you do too. So often I wonder "what would dad say?" or "what would dad do?" Especially now with what all is going on, and it isn't good.
I wish he would've lived to walk me down the aisle, and to see his granddaugher be born. The good part is, I know my dad is around me. I mean I knoW. He makes it be known, which is nice.
I still cry my eyes out when I go to the grave and talk. I just miss him being around, and want to hug him. He was such a softie.
You will find a way through your rough patch, and well, this is my opinion, but I firmly believe your dad will guide you through it. That's still his job, and he will still do it. I hope you have that faith. I know my dad has helped me, and I know he's looking out for me everyday.
I wish you the best.

Love to you and your dad,
SL

Soulcatcher · 09-15-2004, 09:06 PM

I have never lost a parent but I didn't want your post to go unnoticed. I am not reliegious but spiritual. If you find yourself thinking of him frequently then maybe he is trying to remind you that he is there with you. Take notice of some of the things around you. Do you see and hear things that remind you of him? Are you making some decisions in your life that he would have a say in? Are you having dreams of him? I know you miss him deeply but take a look around and see if their are signs of him. You might be pleasantly surprised. His body is gone but not his spirit. Here's a nice little poem for you.......IF TEARS COULD BUILD A STARIWAY, AND MEMORIES A LANE, I'D WALK RIGHT UP TO HEAVEN AND BRING YOU HOME AGAIN......Here's an angel for you also......^i^

auntchilada · 09-15-2004, 09:09 PM

I am so sorry about your loss. I was 16 when my father died and I am now 25. He died of lung cancer. Although it wasn't as sudden as your father's death, I understand how painful the death of a parent is. I went through many years of counseling. I still go through bad patches now, and it has been almost 10 years. I miss him every moment of every day and I think of him many times a day. The bad times don't last as long and they are not as painful. I promise you that time really does heal. You don't ever "get over it" but you "get used to it", as I like to say. It becomes a part of your life and something to deal with. It gets easier with time. I really agree with everything the above poster said. Your Dad is with you ALL the time now and is able to help and guide you in ways be wasn't able to do while he was alive. He lives in your heart. I think that is very comforting. I recently got married and the reverand mentioned my Dad in the opening prayer. It did not make me sad at all! I couldn't believe it, I felt so happy! I knew he was right there with me and very happy and proud of me.
Hang in there! These sad times come and go. I hope you feel better soon :-)

Sucha · 09-15-2004, 09:33 PM

Poppydad, I can totally relate. I was 23 when my dad died suddenly of a heart attack too. My mom had been sick, and was in the nursing home due to emphysema, and it must have been too much for my dad, because although he seemed to be feeling fine, all the sudden on march 31, 1995, he had a heart attack at home and died on the way to the hospital in the ambulance. It was a total shock, and I dont even know how I got through the days and months afterwards...I guess thanks to family and friends. I always think of him, and my mother too. I often wish he was here so I could ask him what he would do about something, or what his opinion is. Or just for him to tease me one more time about my messy room...LOL. I have even had a couple of dreams since his death where his being with me was so vivid, it was almost as if he was...the last one was just with in the last year, and in the dream I hugged him so hard and cried, and when I woke up, it felt like I really had hugged him. It was odd, different than a regular dream. In a way it gets easier after time (he used to travel on business often, and right after he passed away, I really felt like he was just on a business trip and would be home later in the week), but in a way it doesn't, because as the years go by, the memories tend to fade a bit, and the sound of his voice and the little things he used to do and say fade...I dont know if this helps you at all, but I feel like I can relate to you a bit. If you need to chat I'm here. -Carol