3 deaths in one year... - Grief & Loss Message Board

life for rent · 10-26-2004, 07:45 PM

Last September (2003) a relative of mine (not close, but was always a part of my life) aged 19 committed suicide...Never has someones death shocked me so deeply and to this day it upsets me, partly because of the circumstances and partly because of....well...I don't know really.

Then in February this year, my great-aunty died aged 83 after being ill for a long time...I remember going to see her body in the chapel of rest, and I remember it being the hardest thing Ive ever had to do.

Then just six weeks ago my grandfather died from lung cancer (which spread...) and I think Im still a bit in shock as he died only about 3 weeks after being diagnosed, and a day after being moved into a hospice.

I feel totally numb still, and what makes it harder is I've just moved out of home to come to Uni this year, and I dont know whether its the shock of moving and the newness of being here, but...I havent even been that upset...although occasionally I will remember the way my grandfather looked when he was dying, and I will get a strange tightness in my chest, but I'll push it away and not think about it...

It's been a tough year and I dont know if Ive coped that well but...*shrugs* I dont know what the point of this post is really, I just wanted to share and see if anyone else could relate/give me any advice on dealing with everything, or anything.

genster · 10-29-2004, 08:51 AM

Wow, LFR, you have had a rough time of it. (love the name, by the way) The only advice I can offer is to let yourself grieve in whatever way is natural to you. It may take a year for you to come out of the shock of these losses, it may take less time. Unless you feel your reaction is abnormal for you, or if it is something you feel is obstructing your ability to be fully involved in all of the other aspects of your life, then let it be. Don't be afraid to grieve in the way that is right for you. I have seen a lot of different reactions to death due to my work, and each person reacts differently. Plus, you have had a triple loss, especially with having to deal with the aftermath of suicide. A relative of mine who is a minister says suicide cheats the people who care - I guess out of a natural grief pattern. There are stages to grieving - shock, denial, anger, bargaining, etc., - and we each go through them in our own way, sometimes more than once, before we (hopefully) reach acceptance. Perhaps you might benefit from doing some reading on the subject of grief and loss? it helped me when I suffered loss in my family. good luck, and my sympathies are with you

life for rent · 11-20-2004, 06:12 PM

Thank you for replying

I haven't been having such a good time of it lately, which is why I've come back to these boards I guess. I have been doing a lot of reading about grief, and found a lot of helpful articles and poems and things which have helped me deal with a lot of my feelings. Lately I have been getting upset over my grandad's death again, particularly because it's getting close to Christmas, and he has always spent it with us. It breaks my heart to think he won't be here this year, and at the moment I am, I guess, feeling a bit fragile about it all. I've come to realise though that the pain comes and goes...sometimes in very, very strong waves...when all I can do is curl up and cry all the pain away until I'm suddenly okay again. I feel a bit...ashamed, almost, to talk about it with anyone though, as I do feel as though I should be over it by now...which I know is wrong, but still...it's hard to shake I suppose.

Thanks again for your reply and support.

sweetangelbaby · 11-21-2004, 07:38 AM

hey i know how u feel. my dad died when i was only a baby. my grandpa died one year and a year and a month later my granma died. one guy that has been like my bro died a few years after that then another guy just like him died of luekmia. then my mom died earlier this year. then a aunt(by marriage) died. then my own child died(miscarriage) then just the other day a guy that i looked to like my dad died at 41 and we don't know the cause of it. but let me tell you that i am praying for you and will always be here if you would like to talk to

life for rent · 11-21-2004, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetangelbaby

hey i know how u feel. my dad died when i was only a baby. my grandpa died one year and a year and a month later my granma died. one guy that has been like my bro died a few years after that then another guy just like him died of luekmia. then my mom died earlier this year. then a aunt(by marriage) died. then my own child died(miscarriage) then just the other day a guy that i looked to like my dad died at 41 and we don't know the cause of it. but let me tell you that i am praying for you and will always be here if you would like to talk to

oh my goodness, i am so sorry

that must be awful, and i really don't know what to say but just keep talking about your feelings...these boards are a great place to do that

and thank you...

i will be praying for you also. God bless you.