The view from here - Grief & Loss Message Board

morticia · 01-04-2005, 08:24 AM

Hello, everyone,

I am new to this board. From what I gather so far, this is a wonderful place to find support.

I am currently experiencing the loss of a job--a career, actually--and I'm frightened, angry and paralyzed by the tasks now at hand: to update my resume, search for work, go on interviews. I'm especially concerned about the paralysis: I am actually bereft of any motivation to take this "lemon" I've been handed and make it into the proverbial lemonade.

It is interesting to note that loss comes in so many ways. Some of it is good (like losing weight, if that's your goal,) and some of it is merely annoying (like momentarily losing your car keys.) But losing the big things, like pets, loved ones, family members or jobs requires Herculean strength to get through.

Grief is a process, with discernable stages. Of course, the process is complicated by the fact that there is not necessarily any linear progression through those stages. The books will all tell you that there is, and that's partly true, but from personal experience, I can tell you that just when you think you're over the rage at your loss, some trigger comes along, and you're furious all over again. Sometimes people are in multiple stages at the same time! I've been there: one minute wanting to tear someone's head off, the next wanting to crawl into bed and cry all day.

It's the fear that prompts me to write today. I know I have to get off my butt, away from the computer and make an effort to find a job, but I'm so frightened. I'm sure I'll be humiliated. I'm scared I'll never be happy again--that I'm fated to live out my days in a miserable job with lousy pay and no benefits. I'm starting to feel like people are pointing and snickering at me: "there goes the college grad with her silly degree and she can't even function in the real world!"

Does anyone else out there ever feel the same way? Am I making too much of all this? How do I find peace with myself after having run the gauntlet and come up woefully short? I really want to keep my chin up, but my neck is getting tired!

Thanks to all for reading my post.

genster · 01-04-2005, 12:55 PM

I know just how your feel. I went back to college after 17 years. When I applied, the program I wanted to enter had all these requirements of which I was unaware. By the time I completed the requirements, my applicationwas late. I figured I wouldn't get in until the following year, but was accepted within two months. I had aobut two weeks to quit my job, arrange financing, and move. I had no place to live when I got to school, but wound up crashing with a relative in the next town. I did find a place, got my money sorted out (finally) and went to class. I graduated third in my class, won a couple of awards, and generally took all these things sliding into place as a good sign. However, it is now four years since I graduated, and I am just now getting to teh end of the 14 month apprenticeship. I have moved four times, and worked for two different companies in two provinces. I have had no on job training, co-workers hwo do not feel they are employed to train new staff, and given up having a life to work in my chosen field. I don't even have my cat living with me! Now I have government licensing exams coming up, and I am apprehensive that I have forgotten everything. It is hard to start over, but sometimes we don't have any other choice. you aren't alone in doing so, and you have every right to have mixed emotions about it. I hope thigns work out for you. Good luck and keep posting