For Mrs. Chaz- My response from the Lung Cancer Thread
Mrs. Chaz- Sorry I missed you last night. I hope you are ok. There is no need for you to feel selfish. I can completely understand why you feel so lost, you just had a great loss, it is only natural that you feel that way. It is not easy to "get motivated" take your time, and be VERY patient with yourself. Did you and Chaz have a normal morning routine, before cancer? Like for example. Scott and I would get up every morning and I would fix myself coffee, and him a glass of juice. We would sit at the kitchen table and do the crossword puzzle together, from the newspaper. I found myself missing this routine, very much! So, I decided to go buy a coffee pot that I could set to auto brew. What I did was, I set the coffee pot for 15 minutes before I wanted to get up, I went and bought a newpaper (did not open it, laid it on the table). The next morning. I got up, my coffee was made, my newspaper was there, and I did the crossword puzzle. Though it was VERY difficult to do without Scott, I did it anyways (also realized that HE was the one that knew most of the answers, I could not finish it!), but my life actually felt a "little" normal that morning. My point is, if Scott and I had "habits" or "routines", I try to do some of them without him, the ones that I am able to, just so everything does not have to change at once. It is not completely teh same without him, but the rituals are the same that I am accustomed to. It sounds crazy, but it really does make me feel better. And, once I have done that, I have a little more motivation and I can go get in the shower and do something. I usually do not do much. I just drive, or take my dog for a walk, or take him to the park. Or, I go to the cinema in the afternoon and watch a movie. Just any little thing I can, something to get out of the house and try to do things.
I have had a set back, but I will bounce back from it. I am going into the 4th month without Scott, and I will be honest with you (for me anyways) right when I started thinking "ok, maybe I can do this" (was going into 3 months for me when I though I was somewhat ok), I took a back plunge, right back into the grief full force. So, the last week has been quite difficult for me. But, I can still here Scott's voice telling me "you have to keep going, you are not done". And he is right, I am not done, I DO want to keep living. Sometimes I wonder what I am living for, and then a take a look at the life around me (family, friends and nature) and realize, THIS is what I am living for. And, I am living for God, when I am done here, I will be with Scott again.
I am rambling. Your loss is so fresh and so raw, the way you are feeling is ok. You need to let yourself grieve, and cry, it is what heals us. Grief is not our enemy, it is our friend, and going through it is how we will be healed. We will always miss and love, and never forget Chaz and Scott, but we will be with them again one day. But for now, we just have to do the best we can to keep moving, and keep living, until that day comes. For you, I hope Chaz will continue to live through the eyes of your children and your grandchildren, and through the stories that can be shared. Chaz was a strong and faithful man, I know, without a doubt, he is in God's hands and he is at rest. And I know that is hard to accept because we want them here, with us, forever.
I bet Chaz and Scott have met, because they both knew of each other before they left this world. I just wonder what they are saying about us. I know that they are with us, and they will always be watching over us. They do not want to see us hurting and in such deep pain, but they to know that we have to go through this, but we will make it. And I know, what they have left us in our hearts will help us make it.
I Wish I could give you a BIG HUG (((((MRS. CHAZ)))))
Re: For Mrs. Chaz- My response from the Lung Cancer Thread
Dear Renee and Mrs Chaz
I would like you both to know I am so sorry for your Loss. I feel that Scott and Chaz are still by your sides and always will be. They will want (and expect) you to keep going, they would not accept any less from you.
For me, I've found that some days its one step ahead and the next day its two steps behind even though I couldn't have predicted it. There are no rules (thats actually about the only thing I have learnt).
Mrs Chaz, there is no definitive answer about 'how to go on'. I searched deep inside myself, spoke to people, read books and have discovered it to very much be a continual learning process. Each of us will have a different learning experience. I know its not the answer you may have wanted. Look ahead minute by minute for now. It will in time be day by day, but there's no need to think of that for now. You will go on without knowing how you are doing it. Chaz will help you along. He will.
Renee - to me, your words to Mrs Chaz and many others are those from an Angel. Please know that. I assume you are from the US, but trust me your words are just as true to an Australian. I have printed off your response from this post to Mrs Chaz as I was very touched. Thank you Renee for giving everyone continued support and encouragement considering its only recent for you too. I wish we would all be able to meet in person, that would be really lovely to give each other a warm hug and say 'I know what you are going through'.
For my Family, 30 January will be one year since my Dad passed away from Lung Cancer. Feel free to read my posts - for us it happened in only 6 weeks from diagnosis. My Dad was not a quitter, and I think he'd be disappointed if I quit. He gives me alot of incentive to go on, make him proud. I am certain we'll see each other again one day, in the meantime though he'd want me to try, try and if I fail try again. But not to quit.
Re: For Mrs. Chaz- My response from the Lung Cancer Thread
Kiddo- Thank you very much for your kind words, your words really touched and spoke to my heart. You are right, our loved ones are still with us, they just live on in many different ways, and through different people. I had an interesting conversation with my husband's best friend last night, regarding this topic. Each of us received an email from an old friend of my husband's. This friend of his shared great stories with us, and talked about how Scott had been his inspiration and mentor for so many years. He spoke of how Scott led him to God, and how Scott was a teacher of many things. He gave Scott the credit for his successes in life. To me, this is one example (of many) of how Scott does still live on. He is not here in person, but because of what he has taught so many people, we are all still motivated by him. To me, that proves he does still exist in the present time, just not in the human form.
I am sorry for your loss as well. My Dad passed away 11 years ago, and it was very difficult.
Like your Dad, Scott was not a quitter, and he would be disappointed if I quit. In my lifetime, he is the strongest and most faithful person I have ever known. And, I know what Scott would want me to do now, and that is to continue to live the best I can. As I said to Mrs. Chaz, Scott does know I will have days where I just feel like everything is crumbling down around me. But, I know where to draw my strength from, and I will always pick myself up and start moving again. I have a habit of looking to the sky and saying "ok ok, I know!" and my friends just laugh at me.
Yes, I do live in the US. Too bad we all can not meet in person, I would love that.
Re: For Mrs. Chaz- My response from the Lung Cancer Thread
Renee as Kiddo said you are a very special person, I read your words and they are filled with so much wisdom. I feel so lost without Chaz, and I know I keep saying the same thing over and over again. I play alot of video tapes just to hear his voice, sometimes as I am going about my daily chores (if I can do them) I just leave the tape play so I can hear his voice. I had this weird dream where Chaz had just passed, but he was still talking to me and with me, but as each day passed he got more and more like invisable till finally he was gone. I just seem to go day to day, and as each day is over I think that I am one day closer to being with him again. We only had one child, and no grandkids our son is only 22. Chaz and I were high school sweethearts, I am 47 and have been with him since I was 16, he was my first everything, I just at this point cannot see me going the rest of my life without talking to or holding him ever again. The finality of this just kills me. These boards made me feel good also, especially when people came on and said that they had talked with Chazz and he had helped them, that is him in a nutshell, or was him. Chazz always said everthing happens for a reason, I wish God would explain to me the reason for taking my Chazz away from me?
Re: For Mrs. Chaz- My response from the Lung Cancer Thread
Mrs. Chaz- I think it is great that you have video tapes to play, and hear Chaz's voice. I have a few video tapes with Scott in them, and 1 cassette tape of him singing. Like you, I love to watch and listen to them. Sometimes it is to much for me, but other times it helps tremendously.
I was glad to see you back on the board, I think about you all of the time. I did not know you and Chaz were high school sweethearts, that is so sweet. The 2 of you had a long wonderful life together, that itself is a blessing. I often wonder, how many people never know that kind of love... unconditional and completely fulfilling. Scott and I were best friends for 14 years, married almost 5 years. I miss my friend as much as my husband.
As I do everyday, I was thinking yesterday how lonely it is without Scott here, even when I am surrounded by people, I feel lonely.. for Scott. My Mom worried because I made a comment about wanting to be with Scott. She looked at me and said "don't even think about it" of course, I wasn't! I told her not to worry, my goal is to be in heaven with our Father, and to be with my husband again, and there is only one way there! But it made me think about things in a different way, in a spiritual way. I can not change the here and now, so I have to do a whole lot of "soul searching" and find a way to connect with Scott again. I know it can be done, I just pray I can figure it out!
Like Chaz has said to you, I also believe everything happens for a reason. I wish we could know the reasons now, but we were not meant to understand. I guess that is where the whole "trust" factor comes in. We just have to try to beleive there was a reason, and one day it will make sense to us. God did obviously need some more good men, because that is what he got. Scott always said to me "we are not of this world, but in this world, our homes are in heaven". He is right, our homes are in heaven. Scott and Chaz got to go before us, but they will be there waiting for us on the day we go home as well.
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