My mother's suffering haunts me daily.... - Grief & Loss Message Board

wmkcolors · 03-27-2005, 03:24 AM

My mother battled uterine cancer for 3 years. Prior to that, I was diagnosed with colon cancer, but, unlike my mom, I was lucky. It was caught early and I only had to have radiation. Yet, this put me into menopause at an early age, and by the end of my treatment, I was exhausted. Just as I was going into recovery, I found out my mom had advanced cancer. I was devestated. The first year, after her surgery and chemo, we were hopeful. But, by that time, I had learned so much about cancer that I secretly knew things could get bad. I kept all this from my sisters, until it was obvious that my mom was dying. In the beginning, my mom was so hopeful. She was still young. By the end of the second year, we found out the cancer was in her liver and lungs. A second round of chemo wouldn't help. Her physical pain increased steadily over this past year. Morophine didn't even help. Last year, she had a stroke a week after Mother's Day, which robbed her of her ability to speak. She moaned in agony, until she died, yet, she couldn't talk anymore and could only use weak hand gestures. I'd never seen anyone in such pain. The stroke, a result of her failing liver, took something so difficult, her dying of cancer, and made it even harder. She had such a beautiful voice. The stroke crushed what was left of my mom's spirit, the little bit of hope she held onto. This haunts me everyday. I feel angry. I feel exhausted, from my own shock of having cancer and then from the worst possible thing to happen right after that....my mom dying of cancer and the pain she endured. Has anyone else felt this tired with grief or this haunted by the memories of a loved one dying?

FitChic · 04-01-2005, 08:25 PM

i totally know how you feel......my story is a little bit different..........but i feel your pain too

my mother died of cancer 4 years ago, when i was 17 years old..........and did she ever suffer...........she was so young, in her early 40's and they tried everything under the sun to save her..........all i can remember of my mother, is her being sick.....no matter how much i try, i can never remember a time of her being well..............she probably sick since i was 12-13 years old...........and when i try to look back at happier times, all i can recall is her being sick in bed, screaming in agony of pain.............its so hard and like you, it does haunt me everyday.........especially that thats all i can remember of her......

ardor · 04-02-2005, 03:07 AM

Very sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom about 18 months ago to gangrene that started as result of a hospital-borne infection. She couldn't bear the idea of an amputation and ended up letting the gangrene take her. After she passed away I started talking more often with my Aunt (Mom's sister). She lost her husband about 2 years before my Mom died. She said that after about a year the anguish, grief and haunting memories would become easier to handle. I found this to be true for me as well. I still moan outloud with pain when I think of my Mom's pain, and some of the things that she said under the influence of heavy pain meds.

There are hundreds of images that I seem to have frozen in my mind, like horrible photos, that pop into my head when something reminds me of her. That still happens but the pain from it is far less than it was a year ago. I lost my father to a stroke about 10 years ago. He, too, suffered terribly for years before dying. I still remember much of what he went through, but, it doesn't pain me so much anymore. The absence of that pain sometimes makes me think that I've grown cold, but that's not it. I think that our minds adjust to such horrors (by dampening their effects) so that we can survive and maintain our sanity.

c57s53 · 07-11-2008, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ardor

Very sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom about 18 months ago to gangrene that started as result of a hospital-borne infection. She couldn't bear the idea of an amputation and ended up letting the gangrene take her. After she passed away I started talking more often with my Aunt (Mom's sister). She lost her husband about 2 years before my Mom died. She said that after about a year the anguish, grief and haunting memories would become easier to handle. I found this to be true for me as well. I still moan outloud with pain when I think of my Mom's pain, and some of the things that she said under the influence of heavy pain meds.

There are hundreds of images that I seem to have frozen in my mind, like horrible photos, that pop into my head when something reminds me of her. That still happens but the pain from it is far less than it was a year ago. I lost my father to a stroke about 10 years ago. He, too, suffered terribly for years before dying. I still remember much of what he went through, but, it doesn't pain me so much anymore. The absence of that pain sometimes makes me think that I've grown cold, but that's not it. I think that our minds adjust to such horrors (by dampening their effects) so that we can survive and maintain our sanity.

Hi Ardor....If you are still out there I would like so much to talk to you about your Mom's case with gangrene. My Father is now suffering with Gangrene and surgery for amputation is off the table as he is in end stage renal failure, has congestive heart surgery, bad lungs, diabetes, etc. He is in tough shape and now the gangrene has spread to his other foot. So far he has black large toes and that's it, but we wonder how long he can survive like this. He has dialysis 3 times a week also and that is draining to him but he refuses to give up. I hope someone can talk to me who has been through this.
Thanks so much,
Connie